it was not ever as it ought
Some ineffable perfection
implies powers no longer mine —
like mine, mesmerized by the sight
I would not trade my life and times
I wrote this poem when I was fairly young, but I can still relate to it in my old age.
I wasn't going to post this old poem, but I've run into a dry period and don't have anything new to post. Poetry like this doesn't go over well in this forum. It's too old fashioned.barrett wrote: ↑Thu Jun 20, 2019 10:18 amInteresting form. Sort of a loose iambic heptameter with the lines split? It gives it quite a stately feel.
Not sure about the repeat of 'ineffable' quite a bold word to have twice in the same poem.
The repetition of "ineffable" was intentional, as if I am trying to figure out why youth strikes me that way, so I try one idea and then another idea. But I can see how the repetition of such a word might strike you as wrong.
S2L2 - 'by all accounts'. This doesn't seem to fit at all, the language is perhaps too casual in contrast with the rest. Seems like filler to meet the form.
"By all accounts" just means "in everyone else's opinion" or "according to other people" or "in other people's experiences"; but you are right, it is filler. I'll have to work on that.
Really like the way the switch to iambic hexameter over the final two lines changes the tone (I suppose the obvious choice would have to been to go for "and be forever young" to meet the preceding form). However, I really dislike the content of the final stanza, way too maudlin for my taste. I'd prefer to see the final stanza cut altogether.
I have always thought that the closing stanza was a pithy summary. However, only formalist poets seem to like pithy summaries these days, as they seem to have gone out of style. The original stanza read like this:
I would not trade my life and timesfor any still to pass;but in my poems, I am young,and I will last.
Perhaps that's a little better. I've never thought that either stanza is maudlin, but I'll think about it.
When I was looking around for a forum to participate in, I found one where the poets wrote like Keats. Their Keats-like poems might have been well written, but they were stuck in a writing style that had already been explored. To be noticed in the world of poetry, you have to contribute something new to the canon -- and I think that's the standard on most forums now. The group here, however, doesn't like anything formalist, or too introspective. This poem is about lost youth -- how tired a subject is that? But everyone has to write about youth at some point. We all age and die.barrett wrote: ↑Thu Jun 20, 2019 11:16 amI can't imagine anyone really has too much of a problem with older styles of poetry do they? I'm sure most will read anything from Catallus to Carol Ann Duffy (I'm sure there must be a better modern poet beginning with C!). But it does say Contemporary Poetry Forum in the banner. I suppose it depends on why you're writing, if you're writing for yourself then all's well and good, but I suppose you might face problems trying to get stuff published in the lit mags with older styles. That's not to say there's not plenty of formal poetry being published today, of course.