Exercise: Nonsense poetry

[mesmie]

Well Ben

I have had a go at recording this one m'self but I do think it needs a bloke's voice! You gonna take up the challenge?? I wonder would anyone take up the challenge?.. It would be interesting to listen to different takes on this.


mes

[BenJohnson]

Here's my take on it Mes

[mesmie]

Ben........I am in love....this is most excellent thankyou, thankyou, thankyou!!!...oh hell gonna play it for the umpteenth time now.. Now can you do it with a Scottish accent?...

again many many thanks
mes

[BenJohnson]

In love with a Vogon? I should go careful there Mes

Scottish accent, um I try to avoid that as it usually ends up sounding like a Chinese man who has spent too long in Wales.

[Ros]

It's brilliant, Ben and Mesmie! I think we should insist on all poems being done in this format. We could submit them to the IBPC...

[bodkin]

Because I never realised stage-directions were allowed...

-- During this speech THE HERO enters,
dressed as an office supplies store manager and
dragging an trolley with a sundial on it.

........So it begins, the introduction: to chaos,
........disorder, theft and ructions. This is Swan Lake on Ice
........and Hamlet in spades; a tale of one man
........and his cavalcade of cats, pianos and kings.

........Enough introduction. Begin!

-- Cue dancing girls.

........(assertively)

........I dismiss you; you lurid, dancing pastries
........and comprehensively invite
........those who will not spend the night
........to exit by stages left at once.

-- Release the Penguin.

........(shocked)

........Ah! Frippery, flippery, fishy and drippery.
........Be gone!

-- F/X Smoke, lightning, a distant scream.

........(amused)

........Is this it? The singing of the dead choir
........and serving up with parsley sauce -- how quaint.
........Oh let these tantrums run their course,
........and when you drift, flaccid and weak,
........to worlds beyond the edges of sleep

........(kindly)

........I shall embalm you -- at no extra charge.

-- Fade to black.

........(philosophical)

........Silence is golden, to gladden the heart,
........and this is the verge of the state of the art...
........and the
........rest
........is
........custard.

[nar]

Ben - that is very, very funny. Nicely done.

- Neil

[nar]

bod,

penguins, parsley sauce, custard.... I think I've actually seen that one!

Good stuff,

- Neil

[nar]

Easter haiku.

Sothering Munday.
Crot boss huns and chuffy flicks --
Runny babbits too.

- Neil.

[mesmie]

Release the Penguin.

........(shocked)

........Ah! Frippery, flippery, fishy and drippery.
........Be gone!

be gone indeedy! Bod tis a classic..

mes

[mesmie]

Ros yess I believe the IBPC would be most impressed

Neil

I have a strange compulsion for a chuffy flick!

mes

[bodkin]

Thanks Mesmie,

You and Ben get the credit for that one, you put "(sobbing)" and then Ben took it as a stage direction when he read it and I just went with the idea of that, possibly also inspired a little by the way Bluebottle used to read all the stage directions out loud in the Goon Show...

Hi Neil,

Something in the vein of One Way Pendulum, do you think?

"Crot Boss Huns" -- something to do with Atilla?

Ian

[BenJohnson]

Have you ever read Vachel Lindsay's "The Congo" http://xroads.virginia.edu/~HYPER2/Lind ... html#congo He is the only poet I have seen use stage directions (previous to Ian). An idea that didn't catch on unfortunately.

Nice job, Ian.

Neil what an amazing amount of spoonerisms, simply marvellous.

[mesmie]

Ben

[To the tune of "Hark, ten thousand harps and voices".]...only know Hark the herald angel sings!
"Mumbo-Jumbo is dead in the jungle.
Never again will he hoo-doo you.
Never again will he hoo-doo you."


I so enjoyed these and it got me to thinking of music and the terms used etc etc yes I like the thought of scripting how to read some poetry..lol mind you..could become sooo complicated!

mes

[BenJohnson]

Sorry this is getting off topic.

There have been various attempts to devise notation for poems like for music, but all of these have been shunned by main stream poetry. Lindsay's is probably the closest to being accepted. Personally I feel it is a shame, punctuation is great for indicating where to pause and to some extent how long to pause. Beyond that there is no control over tempo, volume, emotion. The way I read a poem can differ widely from the way you read it and massively from the way the author wants it to be read. This doesn't happen in music and occasionally I find it a shame.

[nar]

I slap floor,
as ill proof
of oral slip.
O, pillars of
proof - all is
fair, so poll
for Alp soil.
Frail pools
slop, ail for
fills. A poor
floor pails.

- Neil

[bodkin]

Managerial Ski

I am Sangria Elk
I arm angel saki
I ink rams algea
(a skin rage mail)
I aim gran's lake

[BenJohnson]

Spammer Bill
Spammer Bill
Bill who spams

That Spammer Bill
That Spammer Bill
I do not like
That Spammer Bill

Do you like
Viagra pills?

I do not like them.
Spammer Bill
I do not like
Viagra pills.

Would you like them?
Here online.

I would not like them
Here online
I would not like them
anytime.
I do not like
\ /iagra pills.
I do not like them
Spammer Bill.

Would you like them
every day?
Would you like them
spelt this way?

I don't not like them
everyday.
I do not like them
spelt this way.
I would not like them
Here online
I would not like them
anytime.
I do not like \/1agra pills.
I do not like them, Spammer Bill.

Would you take them
for half-price?
Would you take them
if I'm nice?

Not for half-price.
Not if you're nice.
Not every day.
Not spelt this way.
I will not buy them here online.
I will not buy them anytime.
I will not buy vlagra pills.
I will not buy them, Spammer Bill.

Would you? Could you?
at this site?
Buy them! Buy them!
Late at night.

I would not,
could not,
at that site.

You might buy them.
spelt like this.
You might buy them
here's a list.

I would not, could not off that list.
Nor late at night, even if pissed.

I do not want them for half-price.
I do not want them if you're nice.
I do not want them every day.
I do not want them spelt this way.
I do not want them here online.
I do not want them anytime.
I do not want \ / 1agra pills.
I do not want them, Spammer Bill.

From Spain! From Spain!
From Spain! From Spain!
Could you! Would you,
buy from Spain?

No not from Sapin! Not from that site!
Not spelt like that! Bill it isn't right!

I would not, could not, for half-price.
I could not, would not, if you're nice.
I will not buy them every day.
I will not buy them spelt this way.
I will not buy them here online.
I will not buy them anytime.
I will not buy \ / 1agrA pills.
I will not buy them, Spammer Bill.

Say!
When you're down?
Then when you're down!
Would you, could you, when you're down?

I would not, could not,
when I'm down.

Would you, could you, under strain?

I would not, could not,
under strain.
Not when I'm down and not from Spain.
Not from this site. Not spelt like that.
I do not want them, you're a twat!
Not for half-price. Not if you're nice.
Not everyday. Not spelt this way.
I will not buy them here online.
I will not buy them anytime!

You do not like
\ / | AgRa pills?

I do not
like them,
Spammer Bill.

Could you, would you,
from Russia?

I would not,
could not,
from Russia.

Would you, could you,
from Prussia?

I could not, would not, from Russia.
I will not, will not, from Prussia.
I will not buy them under strain.
I will not buy them not from Spain.
Not when I'm down. Not spelt like that.
Not from this site. Don't be a twat.
I do not want them every day.
I do not want them spelt this way.
I will not buy them here online.
I do not want them anytime.
I do not want them \ / | A_G_r_A pills.
I do not want them, SPAMMER BILL!

I do not like
V|agRA pills.

I do not like them,
Spammer Bill.

You do not want them.
So you say.
Buy them! Buy them!
And you may.
Buy them and you may, I say.

Bill!
If you stop spamming me,
I will buy them.
You will see.

Say!
I want V 1 A G R A pills
I do! I'll buy them Spammer Bill!
And I would buy them from Russia.
And I would buy them from Prussia.

And I would buy them under Strain.
and when I'm down. Even from Spain.
And from that site. And spelt like that.
Oh Spammer Bill, you're not a twat!

So I will buy them for half-price.
And I will buy them if you're nice.
And I will buy them everyday.
And I will buy them spelt that way.
And I will buy them here online.
I will buy them all the time.

I do so want
\ / ! a_g_r_a pills!
Thank you!
Thank you!
Spammer Bill!

[bodkin]

[oranggunung]

This isn´t complete nonsense, but might not get an airing anywhere else


The sesquipedalian alien
said, “Incarnadine”.
I said, “Why not say fleshy
if it’s pinkish that you mean?”

The alien added, “Loquacious”,
and flicked its lustrous locks.
I said, “That’s quite audacious.
You are a chatterbox.”

“Onomatopoeia”,
the alien said next.
I didn’t like the sound of that,
with diphthongs in the text.

Said the sesquipedalian alien,
“Verisimilitude”
I thought it had a grain of truth,
so gave it latitude.

“Ecumenically”,
was its next quotation.
“What? Tom and Dick and Harry?”,
I asked in consternation.

“Yttriferous”, it muttered,
becoming heavily obscure.
My steady, sinking feeling was
compounded all the more.

Then the sesquipedalian alien
added, “Obfuscation”.
This really wasn’t helping me
in my interpretation.

“Unequivocally”,
was the last it said.
“might you not be wrong?”, I asked.
Forlorn, it shook its head.

That seemed to be the end of it;
our cryptic conversation.
I sat and thought upon its words
and then came revelation.

“Can a sesquipedalian alien
feel infatuation?”
It did not voice an answer,
but nodded affirmation.

[bodkin]

I think most of those words were long overdue some exercise...

I mean, I probably don't use "Yttriferous" more than two or three times a day

[BenJohnson]

I think most of those words were long overdue some exercise...

I mean, I probably don't use "Yttriferous" more than two or three times a day

Bodkin I'm shocked by that confession

Orang, I really enjoyed your offering. I think it deserves an airing elsewhere.

[nar]

Og,

That is just splendid. A very touching and funny dialogue.
FWIW: I don't think you need the bold capitals.

Ben,

Ha - a real LOL moment for me. Clever and astute.

Thanks both,

- Neil.

[oranggunung]

Thanks for the responses.

Sorry if I was heavy-handed with the capitals. I tried an acrostic a little while ago and sneaked it in under the radar.
The bold emphasis can be removed.

As regards a wider airing, I wasn´t sure where to put it. It seems a little frivolous.

Sorry to hear Yttriferous isn´t in common usage. Next thing you´ll be telling me Brobdignagian is obsolete.


og

[BenJohnson]

As regards a wider airing, I wasn´t sure where to put it. It seems a little frivolous.

Surely poetry can be frivolous as well as serious, I feel it is the quality that makes the difference.