spencer_broughton wrote:the last line sounds a bit cliche-ish, if you know what i mean
Bitterangel wrote:It's excellent as far as it goes, which is not very far. This feels like an episode in a broader narrative.
Agree that the last line sounds cliched, but I think in a longer poem you'd get away with it. The cliche is not so much a problem as the fact that (in this reader's mind) it's a weak line to end on.
Wasn't sure about cathedral spleandour; are you referring to the architecture of the station or the train itself? I don't think this works in the latter usage, and as to the former: stations are variable. Can you give us a sense of place? Locate the statiion as St pancras for instance?
Liked the reverb of leaving and the pigeons.
Overall nice but needs either to become part of a greater whole or to flesh out on the detail.
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