Teenteaser

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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dedalus
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Teenteaser

Post by dedalus » Sat Nov 10, 2007 4:28 am

Five foot two,
compact too;
inky blue
school uniform.
Laughing eyes,
slithering thighs ...
O, no no no no good!

I wish I was
in Carrickfergus
only for nights
in Ballygrand.


I wish you were
more intelligent,
maybe a tad less beautiful,
the Devil's exchange.

Maybe less talk
of fluffy toys
and other boys,
little lynx-eyed Miss Sixteen.

I would swim over
the deepest ocean
only for nights there
in Ballygrand.


No more cookies,
no more milk and tea;
keep that bloody skirt down
and don't you look at me!

It's not fair, it never is.
Dirty old men
seldom initiate,
they just take the blame.

O, O, O so nice!
Looking is free.
Deary me!

How can you know these things
at your young age?
Run, run, run,
the school bell
Jezebel.

But the sea is wide
and I cannot swim over.
Nor have I the wings to fly.

kozmikdave
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Re: Teenteaser

Post by kozmikdave » Sat Nov 10, 2007 5:19 am

Gidday Ded

Another tale of teacher-being-tempted. I understand but daren't vocalise it (being a teacher myself).

I like your use of song, as though you are trying to hum away the thoughts.

Reminds me of the headmaster in the first school I taught in - a girls' school. He was naive when it came to students.
Cheers
Dave

"And I'm lost, and I'm lost
I'm lost at the bottom of the world
I'm handcuffed to the bishop and the barbershop liar
I'm lost at the bottom of the world
"
[Tom]

dedalus
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Re: Teenteaser

Post by dedalus » Sat Nov 10, 2007 11:47 am

Spot on, Dave. It gets harder by the day. I work at a girls school. I have the brazen hussies flashing their tits at me after their PT classes (no other guys around, I suppose) and hiking their skirts up around their arses and spreading their shapely legs. O no no no no no! I tend to go for more sophisticated ladies, a few years older, but tidily equipped with similar endowments. Legs and things. Chests. Faces. Freckles, even.

I think this poem is just a dry (possibly cold) reaction to teenage Japanese girls. God bless them, each and every one, but let some other guy do the business. Hello Kitty. Look the other way

Bren :wink:

Life in Japan is so cool, but totally exhausting ....

Cryptic Cadence
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Re: Teenteaser

Post by Cryptic Cadence » Sat Nov 10, 2007 1:02 pm

You should have at least put explicit in tags...

Sean Sweeney
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Re: Teenteaser

Post by Sean Sweeney » Sat Nov 10, 2007 6:39 pm

Not that I'm a teacher, but very easy to relate to. I worked briefly as a classroom assistant and also tutored some classes on photography. Being young myself, it's hard to appreciate being a teacher, until it's experienced. Not my cup of tea.

Love the structure and the easy flow throughout the poem.

dogofdiogenes
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Re: Teenteaser

Post by dogofdiogenes » Sat Nov 10, 2007 7:25 pm

Hi there,

I enjoyed the lightness of this and the distractedness of it. I also think it would be easily improved with a bit more pattern in it-do you think that that would add to the sense of failing to empty your mind of something without reaching a zen-like state? A bit like a long roll of thunder which you will hear, time and again, during a long storm. Or is a more confused approach a better reflection of a state of mind?

I have to admit to not finding teenage girls attractive....teenage boys doubly so.

nothingbutahounddog :!:
I never give explanations-Mary Poppins (Management in the NHS-rewritten by Nightingale F,. original by Hunt,.G)

Charles
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Re: Teenteaser

Post by Charles » Sat Nov 10, 2007 7:44 pm

I liked this, the change of tone with the italics worked well.

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