NotQuiteSure wrote: ↑
Tue Aug 06, 2019 2:30 pm
James, I'll forgo David's comma, at least for now, as there's a(n attempt at a) joke there which it undercuts.
- A slight return (without a Hendrix guitar solo).
Now that I'm prompted to look for a joke,I can see the gallows humour but the problem is
- who would dream of looking for it,given that the cat is "yours".
The idea of the cat/biker leaving a little death is as much a touching observation as it is an amusing little joke,in my view.
If the cat belonged to someone else,however e.g an annoying neighbour, - that would make it easier for me
to break off empathising with the sad aspects of the poemc.
Your reveal could then have something like....returned one morning,,,,,,dumped outside....in a bin bag...
the biker...crept off again,leaving much.....
Possibly another poem altogether,though - but it would let you give your dark side free reign.