Sincerly, Your Ex-Boyfriend (Some Swearing,)

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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Sincerly, Your Ex-Boyfriend (Some Swearing,)

Post by Poet » Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:38 pm

Dear ex-girlfriend
I hate you and I hope you
rotting in the hell you belong.

I am not joking, I’m surprised you
haven’t fucked off yet
I wonder what you are up to.

I wonder if you are listening
to the very words I say
There is a lingering french smell of
your stench and it is growing on me.

And I hope you are kidding when
I tell you that you are crazy enough
for the fact that you are insane, I
wonder what you are doing? I think
if I stitched my eyes or become the
black sheep of my family, you’d appear
like a genie and try to take everything
that I worked for.

Which would be the worst thing in the word
You act like you are the know-it-all of the
whole bed of fish swimming beneath
you.

I don’t know what your deal is but I hope
you die a slow and painful death
And don’t flex on me ok?

I am better than you
So for once I write to you this letter just
know that I am better than you’ll ever be.

I am the one with the fist of greatness
And you are the one with a toothpick
showing it whoever, no one really cares
about you.

So I hope you read this and have a miserable
day
Sincerely.

Your ex-lover
Last edited by Poet on Mon Jul 22, 2019 7:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Sincerly, Your Ex-Boyfriend

Post by Perry » Mon Jul 22, 2019 5:33 am

Poet, you came to this forum pretending to be a professional poet (although there is really no such thing). Pretending to be something you are not is one thing, but a vulgar diatribe like this is not suitable for a poetry forum. This isn't poetry, it's just hate.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.

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Re: Sincerly, Your Ex-Boyfriend

Post by Perry » Mon Jul 22, 2019 5:35 am

Poet wrote:
Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:38 pm
Dear ex-girlfriend
I hate you and I hope you
rotting in the hell you belong.

I am not joking, I’m surprised you
haven’t fucked off yet
I wonder what you are up to.

I wonder if you are listening
to the very words I say
There is a lingering french smell of
your stench and it is growing on me.

And I hope you are kidding when
I tell you that you are crazy enough
for the fact that you are insane, I
wonder what you are doing? I think
if I stitched my eyes or become the
black sheep of my family, you’d appear
like a genie and try to take everything
that I worked for.

Which would be the worst thing in the word
You act like you are the know-it-all of the
whole bed of fish swimming beneath
You.

I don’t know what your deal is but I hope
you die a slow and painful death
And don’t flex on me ok?

I am better than you
So for once I write to you this letter just
know that I am better than you’ll ever be.

I am the one with the fist of greatness
And you are the one with a toothpick
showing it whoever, no one really cares
about you.

So I hope you read this and have a miserable
Day
Sincerely.

Your ex-lover
Here it is, just in case he tries to erase it.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.

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Re: Sincerly, Your Ex-Boyfriend

Post by barrett » Mon Jul 22, 2019 7:53 am

Always difficult to offer a critique of your work because it breaks all the rules, and it's all the better for it. I could point out the spelling mistakes and the grammatical errors and the fact that some parts really don't seem to make a lot of sense but I won't because any corrections would just dilute the emotional immediacy of the poem.

I always enjoy reading yours, I admire (and envy a little) your freedom of expression. I wonder if you've read anything by Billy Childish, might be worth seeking his work out if you haven't.

All the best,
barrett.

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Re: Sincerly, Your Ex-Boyfriend

Post by Perry » Mon Jul 22, 2019 9:24 am

Barrett, this isn't enviable freedom of expression. It's just trash. Poet writes like a 14-year-old who got dumped by a girl.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.

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Re: Sincerly, Your Ex-Boyfriend

Post by barrett » Mon Jul 22, 2019 9:56 am

Perry wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 9:24 am
Barrett, this isn't enviable freedom of expression. It's just trash. Poet writes like a 14-year-old who got dumped by a girl.
Now, now, Perry, calm down or you'll do yourself a mischief. You acted like this before when you were on this forum under the name Caleb Murdock (you're not the only one who has been here before under a different name), I seem to remember you ended up getting banned that time, is that right?

Even if it were true that Poet is a 14 year old who has been dumped by a girl, does that mean they are not allowed to write poetry. If it was true that 14 year olds getting dumped were not allowed to write poetry then there would be very, very few older poets around.

I stand by my previous comments on this poem.

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Re: Sincerly, Your Ex-Boyfriend

Post by Perry » Mon Jul 22, 2019 11:32 am

This thread is about Poet's poem, and it is a vile and amateurish piece of trash. I think it should be deleted. You do him a disservice by praising it.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.

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Re: Sincerly, Your Ex-Boyfriend

Post by barrett » Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:21 pm

Perry wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 11:32 am
This thread is about Poet's poem, and it is a vile and amateurish piece of trash. I think it should be deleted. You do him a disservice by praising it.
In your opinion, of course.

And I think you're sort of proving my point there, Perry. Just once, I'd love to write something that provoked so much emotion in a reader. Imagine writing something that made someone so angry that they wanted it banned!

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Re: Sincerly, Your Ex-Boyfriend

Post by Harbal » Mon Jul 22, 2019 5:15 pm

barrett wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 7:53 am
I could point out the spelling mistakes and the grammatical errors and the fact that some parts really don't seem to make a lot of sense
To commit all those crimes and still produce a praiseworthy piece of work takes a special kind of talent; wouldn't you say, barrett? :D

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Re: Sincerly, Your Ex-Boyfriend

Post by barrett » Mon Jul 22, 2019 5:47 pm

Harbal wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 5:15 pm
barrett wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 7:53 am
I could point out the spelling mistakes and the grammatical errors and the fact that some parts really don't seem to make a lot of sense
To commit all those crimes and still produce a praiseworthy piece of work takes a special kind of talent; wouldn't you say, barrett? :D
I wouldn't necessarily say that, Harbal, you've truncated my sentence and removed the relevant part of it. It's because of those things that this is an interesting poem.

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Re: Sincerly, Your Ex-Boyfriend

Post by Harbal » Mon Jul 22, 2019 6:13 pm

barrett wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 5:47 pm
It's because of those things that this is an interesting poem.
I totally agree, barrett, it was precisely those things that drew my attention to it.

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Re: Sincerly, Your Ex-Boyfriend

Post by Poet » Mon Jul 22, 2019 6:59 pm

Whoa whoa whoa, I don't think this poem should be deleted, I like it but it does feel angsty and that's what I was trying to express in the poem so I was feeling a little angry and I wanted to write something about my ex and also I am 27 years old and not a 14 year old.

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Re: Sincerly, Your Ex-Boyfriend

Post by Poet » Mon Jul 22, 2019 7:00 pm

barrett wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 7:53 am
Always difficult to offer a critique of your work because it breaks all the rules, and it's all the better for it. I could point out the spelling mistakes and the grammatical errors and the fact that some parts really don't seem to make a lot of sense but I won't because any corrections would just dilute the emotional immediacy of the poem.

I always enjoy reading yours, I admire (and envy a little) your freedom of expression. I wonder if you've read anything by Billy Childish, might be worth seeking his work out if you haven't.

All the best,
barrett.
Never heard of Billy Childish, so I'll look him up.

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Re: Sincerly, Your Ex-Boyfriend

Post by Poet » Mon Jul 22, 2019 7:01 pm

Perry wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 9:24 am
Barrett, this isn't enviable freedom of expression. It's just trash. Poet writes like a 14-year-old who got dumped by a girl.
It does feel that way sure, but I think it is beautiful in a way, next time I will write something more profound and less about a girl.

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Re: Sincerly, Your Ex-Boyfriend

Post by Poet » Mon Jul 22, 2019 7:02 pm

Perry wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 11:32 am
This thread is about Poet's poem, and it is a vile and amateurish piece of trash. I think it should be deleted. You do him a disservice by praising it.
That is your opinion.

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Re: Sincerly, Your Ex-Boyfriend (Some Swearing,)

Post by twoleftfeet » Mon Jul 22, 2019 8:45 pm

I think it's probably quite difficult to write an emotive poem like this - but it helps if the poet can provide suitable levels of vindictiveness,narcissism,anger and a a dash of misogyny.
If he manages to throw in some impenetrably poor grammar - to accentuate the anger,of course - why,then
I'm convinced - he's a genius.

Barrett,old chap - that Billy Childish fellow is really rather good. Thanks for that!
Instead of just sitting on the fence - why not stand in the middle of the road?

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Re: Sincerly, Your Ex-Boyfriend (Some Swearing,)

Post by David » Tue Jul 23, 2019 5:17 pm

I'm going to let this thread have a nice lie-down in a quiet room.

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