Nearly the end of August, 2015
Nearly the end of August, 2015
(after Lee Harwood)
Reaching up after dark to unpeg the washing
on the rotary drier.......wow,.....it's so
the sky with all those stars in it is
the night is so clear and so
what little breeze there is
carries the day's warmth in it still
behind me, a dark basket of clothes and pegs
there are stars all around it
this sky with all its stars in it
I'd like to roll the tiny hardness of a star
across my palm
I know this is probably
and reach out my hand anyway
Original
Reaching up after dark to unpeg the washing
on the rotary drier.......wow,.....it's so...
the sky with all its stars in it is
the night is so clear and so...
what little breeze there is
carries the day's warmth in it still
behind me, a dark basket of clothes and pegs
there are stars all around it
oh this sky with all its stars in it
I'd like to roll the tiny hardness of a star
across my palm
It's improbable, but I reach out my hand anyway
Last edited by Mic on Wed Aug 26, 2015 8:00 am, edited 4 times in total.
"Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you" - Rumi
Re: Nearly the end of August
I like the notion and the language there mic. Perhaps too much it/it's/its/is in general? And I don't really need the oh/wow for this moment - but that may be my temperamentI'd like to roll the tiny hardness of a star
across my palm
Improbable, but I reach out my hand anyway

cheers
mac
Re: Nearly the end of August, 2015
Thanks Mac.
I can see what you mean by all the its and isiz and the wow and oh. Of course I kind of like them. But, I'm trying this without the 'oh' and an amended end ('improbable' was out of sync with the general vibe)
Mic
I can see what you mean by all the its and isiz and the wow and oh. Of course I kind of like them. But, I'm trying this without the 'oh' and an amended end ('improbable' was out of sync with the general vibe)
Mic
"Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you" - Rumi
Re: Nearly the end of August, 2015
I don't know anything about Lee Harwood, but I like this. It seems enjoyably spaced, with all the hesitations and ellipses - jump cuts in poetry?
It strikes me that this sort of thing must be really hard to write well, but I think that's what you've done, Michaela.
So ... should I know more about Lee Harwood?
Cheers
David
It strikes me that this sort of thing must be really hard to write well, but I think that's what you've done, Michaela.
So ... should I know more about Lee Harwood?
Cheers
David
Re: Nearly the end of August, 2015
(I've just lost the post I wrote.)
What I said was, I'm really pleased you like it David!
I saw Lee Harwood read a couple of years ago - he was wonderful.
He was due to do an 'in conversation with.. ' and a reading at the end of September at the monthly poetry night I organise. But he died.
His work is highly regarded, though he didn't seem to get that much coverage.
Here's his obituary in the Gaurdian:
http://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/a ... ee-harwood
What I said was, I'm really pleased you like it David!
I saw Lee Harwood read a couple of years ago - he was wonderful.
He was due to do an 'in conversation with.. ' and a reading at the end of September at the monthly poetry night I organise. But he died.
His work is highly regarded, though he didn't seem to get that much coverage.
Here's his obituary in the Gaurdian:
http://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/a ... ee-harwood
"Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you" - Rumi
Re: Nearly the end of August, 2015
That worked for me because in spite of, the impulse was greater...that's joy for youIt's improbable, but I reach out my hand anyway

Speaking of which, I like this...
http://www.poetryarchive.org/poem/gorge ... ghton-poem
all the best
mac
Re: Nearly the end of August, 2015
That's right. Just gorgeous.
Mic
Mic

"Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you" - Rumi
Re: Nearly the end of August, 2015
I wasn't keen' on the word improbable though...too,, clinical?
I am hoping I acheive a similar thing with 'I know this is probably....../ and reach out my hand anyway ?
But perhaps not!
Mic
I am hoping I acheive a similar thing with 'I know this is probably....../ and reach out my hand anyway ?
But perhaps not!
Mic
"Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you" - Rumi
Re: Nearly the end of August, 2015
Exactly, which made the action all the more human...but this is just me...perhaps you can keep a version for this readerI wasn't keen' on the word improbable though...too,, clinical?

I think your revised version fits the aesthetic...the use of space for the reader to 'write'
all the best
mac
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Re: Nearly the end of August, 2015
Reaching up after dark to unpeg the washing
on the rotary drier.......wow,.....it's so
the sky with all those stars in it is
the night is so clear and so
what little breeze there is
carries the day's warmth in it still
behind me, a dark basket of clothes and pegs
there are stars all around it
this sky with all its stars in it
I'd like to roll the tiny hardness of a star
across my palm
I know this is probably
and reach out my hand anyway
Enjoyed this piece, I would have loved the "stars" and "sky" in the excerpt below to have been reflected in water (hinted at), maybe if it had rained as well, before the washing came in. (Just a thought).
behind me, a dark basket of clothes and pegs
there are stars all around it
this sky with all its stars in it?
on the rotary drier.......wow,.....it's so
the sky with all those stars in it is
the night is so clear and so
what little breeze there is
carries the day's warmth in it still
behind me, a dark basket of clothes and pegs
there are stars all around it
this sky with all its stars in it
I'd like to roll the tiny hardness of a star
across my palm
I know this is probably
and reach out my hand anyway
Enjoyed this piece, I would have loved the "stars" and "sky" in the excerpt below to have been reflected in water (hinted at), maybe if it had rained as well, before the washing came in. (Just a thought).
behind me, a dark basket of clothes and pegs
there are stars all around it
this sky with all its stars in it?
Re: Nearly the end of August, 2015
Hi all,
This one has been included in the Lee Harwood tribute section of the most recent issue of Molly Bloom magazine.
I'm really pleased. I knew Lee a little bit. I'd heard him read a couple of years ago, and he'd agreed to read this September for Pighog, and do an 'in conversation' piece. He is one of my top favourite poets.
http://mollybloompoetry.weebly.com/mich ... dgway.html
Mic

This one has been included in the Lee Harwood tribute section of the most recent issue of Molly Bloom magazine.
I'm really pleased. I knew Lee a little bit. I'd heard him read a couple of years ago, and he'd agreed to read this September for Pighog, and do an 'in conversation' piece. He is one of my top favourite poets.
http://mollybloompoetry.weebly.com/mich ... dgway.html
Mic

"Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you" - Rumi
Re: Nearly the end of August, 2015
Excellent! Well done, Michaela!
David
David
Re: Nearly the end of August, 2015
Thanks David.
Michaela
Michaela
"Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you" - Rumi
Re: Nearly the end of August, 2015
Congratulations Mic. Interesting mag.
all the best
mac
all the best
mac