The First Football Game of the Season

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JJWilliamson
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The First Football Game of the Season

Post by JJWilliamson » Fri Jul 03, 2015 2:27 pm

The team looked remarkably tidy and neat;
we stood on the sideline and shuffled our feet.
The coaches were thinking of making a switch
as pompous officials inspected the pitch.

At 12:45 when the boys took their place,
when juniors and toddlers abandoned their chase,
the ref' blew his whistle and frantic mums cried,
"It's time to demolish the blue and white side".

We screamed for the wingers to target young Jonny
to challenge the keeper and throttle fat Ronnie,
"Remember the channels and slip Jack a pass,
now unleash a rocket and let them eat grass".

Profanity ruled when they let in a goal,
the slick fingered goalie was digging his hole,
when out of the maelstrom the manager cried,
"It's time to demolish the blue and white side".

The restart was followed by shrieks and applause,
as granddads were clamping their teeth to their jaws;
the subs and the crowd watched their team with a frown
and couldn't believe they were two nothing down.

A third kept the dads and the manager mute
in spite of the fact that the blues scored a beaut',
then out of his anguish a bollixed boy sighed,
"It's time to demolish the blue and white side".
Long time a child and still a child

David Smedley
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Re: The First Football Game of the Season

Post by David Smedley » Fri Jul 03, 2015 5:32 pm

JJ, great fun this, particularly liked:
We screamed for the wingers to target young Jonny
to challenge the keeper and throttle fat Ronnie,
"Remember the channels and slip Jack a pass,
now unleash a rocket and let them eat grass".
frantic mums cried,
"It's time to demolish the blue and white side".
Profanity ruled when they let in a goal
Amongst the whole.

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Re: The First Football Game of the Season

Post by Arian » Fri Jul 03, 2015 6:54 pm

Good stuff, JJ - an easy and amusing read.

I'm particularly impressed by your strict adherence to the da-dum beat of the piece - hardly a syllable out of place.

Poor old Fat Ronnie - he always gets the short-straw.

Cheers
peter

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Re: The First Football Game of the Season

Post by Macavity » Fri Jul 03, 2015 7:00 pm

hi JJ

Seems quite a civilised encounter. Where's that coaching insight of 'get stuck in' ! Anyway, I enjoyed the read, but wished the poem was longer...you know you want to :D
We screamed for the wingers to target young Jonny
to challenge the keeper and throttle fat Ronnie,
Aren't the wingers the little Messi ones? You want a midfield grunt like Maurice Keane to do the throttling.

all the best

mac

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Re: The First Football Game of the Season

Post by brianedwards » Fri Jul 03, 2015 7:04 pm

Nicely handled JJ.
Fun.

B.

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Re: The First Football Game of the Season

Post by JJWilliamson » Sat Jul 04, 2015 11:05 am

Thanks, David

Pleased it brought a smile or two. Thanks for showing me the lines
you particularly liked.

It was fun to write.

Best

JJ
Long time a child and still a child

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Re: The First Football Game of the Season

Post by JJWilliamson » Sat Jul 04, 2015 11:12 am

Thanks, Peter

Pleased you found this poem amusing.
Arian wrote:Good stuff, JJ - an easy and amusing read.

I'm particularly impressed by your strict adherence to the da-dum beat of the piece - hardly a syllable out of place. ...I'm essentially going for triple meter to enhance the bouncy, light side of the old football match.

Poor old Fat Ronnie - he always gets the short-straw. ...Ronnie was lucky. :)

Cheers
peter
Thanks again, Peter

Best

JJ
Long time a child and still a child

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Re: The First Football Game of the Season

Post by JJWilliamson » Sat Jul 04, 2015 11:56 am

Macavity wrote:hi JJ

Seems quite a civilised encounter. Where's that coaching insight of 'get stuck in' ! To say nothing of the ref's warnings Anyway, I enjoyed the read, but wished the poem was longer...you know you want to :D ...It's one of those poems that could go on and on .....I'm tempted.
We screamed for the wingers to target young Jonny
to challenge the keeper and throttle fat Ronnie,
Aren't the wingers the little Messi ones? Yes, he's quite versatile up front. You want a midfield grunt like Maurice Keane to do the throttling. ...You've focussed on one of my niggles. The midfielders and backs, particularly the centre-backs would do the crunching and passing down the channels. However, there is the wing back to consider and I'm still considering, for exactly the reason you mention. The problem, for me, occurs when a typical winger drops back as an extra defender because of his/her defensive abilities. This is further complicated when the position is taken up as a temporary measure by a full back, leaving three men/women in the line of defence. I could go on. :)

Don't get me started on the offside rule. :D

all the best

mac
Enjoyed your reply, mac

Best

JJ
Long time a child and still a child

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Re: The First Football Game of the Season

Post by JJWilliamson » Sat Jul 04, 2015 11:58 am

Thanks, Brian

It was fun to write.

Best

JJ
Long time a child and still a child

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Re: The First Football Game of the Season

Post by David » Sat Jul 04, 2015 7:04 pm

Arian wrote:I'm particularly impressed by your strict adherence to the da-dum beat of the piece - hardly a syllable out of place.
Me too. But - churlishly, perhaps - I didn't think there was anything here but the rhythm - just an inconsequential bit of cleverly handled metre about nothing very much. I expected something more. That was possibly wrong of me. It does what it seems to set out what to do very well. I just wish it did a bit more.

Maybe I should lighten up a bit!

Cheers

David

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Re: The First Football Game of the Season

Post by JJWilliamson » Sat Jul 04, 2015 11:37 pm

Thanks, David

No problem at all. There's not much to say as it's nothing more than a snapshot of a group of like-minded people,
how they behave in a given situation and how the generation gap is bridged by a local boys football match.
They're all there and their behaviour is somewhat altered by anticipation and especially the ref's whistle.
Beyond this, it's as you describe.

I could emphasise this further by contrasting their behaviour after the final whistle. Could be part two,
with a different meter to slow the frenzied pace down a bit. Iambic tetrameter would maintain
the light mood of the poem. Part one would have to be more graphic though. (sorry, I'm thinking out loud)
Thanks for the suggestion, David.

Delighted the meter was to your liking.

Best

JJ
Long time a child and still a child

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Re: The First Football Game of the Season

Post by Suzanne » Tue Jul 07, 2015 1:08 pm

Fun!

More.
(But not about football)


Maybe you want to try that sestina thing B reposted. ?
Suzanne

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Re: The First Football Game of the Season

Post by JJWilliamson » Wed Jul 08, 2015 7:59 am

Thanks, Suzanne

Pleased the fun side was apparent but I can't promise to remove football from my pen. :)

A sestina is beyond me. I need serious medical attention every time I complete a villanelle.
It's a tempting thought you know. Not sure I've got six months to spare. :)

See you around.

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JJ
Long time a child and still a child

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Re: The First Football Game of the Season

Post by Suzanne » Wed Jul 08, 2015 8:02 am

Oh, is it really that hard? You've tried? Hmmmmm. I am still in the debating stage and you may have scared me off.

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Re: The First Football Game of the Season

Post by Suzanne » Wed Jul 08, 2015 8:04 am

And you write villanelles and post in beginners? What is this all about?

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Re: The First Football Game of the Season

Post by JJWilliamson » Wed Jul 08, 2015 5:12 pm

Ah, don't let me scare you off. I'll try for a sestina and blame you if it's a dreadful failure. Yip, that's the excuse I needed. :)

I never said my vill's were good. :D

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Long time a child and still a child

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Re: The First Football Game of the Season

Post by Suzanne » Wed Jul 08, 2015 6:41 pm

"Good" is a myth anyway.

We are in.

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