Hebridean Bookends (minor tweak)

[Antcliff]

The first sound is a bird cheep
by our open bedroom window.
The first smell is the meadowsweet
from the fallow field beneath.
The first thing touched is you.

A bat scratch is the last sound
(or a mouse?) and 'round midnight
the flowers nipped from the basil
spread a scent tuned to the heather.
The last thing touched is you.

[David]

You know what you're going to get for this, don't you?



Maybe I should think of my own award, as this one is really in your gift. I'll do that.

Good title too.

Cheers

David

[Antcliff]

Hooray! Thanks David. The meadowsweet is so grand today.

I now have a My Fair Lady Award (+1), a self-awarded G. Hill Award (-1) = overall score = 0. Onwards!

seth

[David]

OK, here's my True Love award. This puts you to +1, at least.

[Ros]

Aw. Sweet.

Ros

[Lake]

That's very sweet. Love the basil smell, too.

Lake

[Antcliff]

David,
The True Love Award = the award. And Nat of course...can't go wrong with Nat.

Ros,
I thank you

Lake,
I love the basil. I grow it in the sun lounge and it is now coming to flower. I eat little leaves when I pass!

seth

[Magpie Jane]

Delightful, Seth.
And sweet -- in the slow, green way. The meadowsweet is a good item here.
Funny title, by the way; but it feels right.

Jane

[ray miller]

Lovely, Seth. Only I don't understand why 'round midnight when the metre seems to require around midnight.

[Ros]

I'm with Ray on the 'round. I don't think you need the commas at the end of either first line.

Ros

[Antcliff]

Thanks Magpie-J,
Hooray for slow sweetness to the right title.
there is so much meadowsweet in the croft at the moment..

Thanks Ray+Ros,
thanks for sweet and lovely (from the sweet+the lovely!)

Okay, that is two votes 'gainst my fun 'r (Thelonious Monk in head perhaps). It had better go..along with those commas Ros. Thanks both.

Seth

[Macavity]

spread a scent tuned to the meadow.

A nice touch of synaesthesia there in my mind.

The cheep/sweet rhyme made me look for an echo in the second book-end.

I like that weave of sound/smell/touch.

mac

[Antcliff]

Thanks Mac!

synaesthesia..drawn more and more to it.

Yes it would be nice to extend sweet/etc into second bookend. I held off because I have used a few other rhymes for meadowsweet on another (sadder) one. Still, as you say. Hmm..will ponder.

best

[David]

Okay, that is two votes 'gainst my fun 'r (Thelonious Monk in head perhaps). It had better go..along with those commas Ros. Thanks both.

I am voting for the round - although I had Miles in mind - but I didn't realise that the inverted comma is an integral part of the song's title. So keep it, say I.

[Antcliff]

Hmm...might be restored then..pondering..

Let's hear it for Wes, king o' smooth.

[Antcliff]

I have modified "spread a scent" to "play a scent". Does anybody think this is better/worse/just the same?

Seth

[Ryan P.]

I have modified "spread a scent" to "play a scent". Does anybody think this is better/worse/just the same?

Seth

I like the change. The alliteration is nice and 'spread,' to me, feels girthier when read aloud. I also think it works better for the sake of imagery. Good choice, I think, albeit a small one.

[Antcliff]

Thanks Ryan P.!
Duly noted.

Best wishes
Seth

[twoleftfeet]

Seth,

I almost missed this.
Almost perfect, IMHO, except for
"the last touched thing is you"

- I can't help feeling that "thing" is not quite right.
How about "the last touch is yours" ?
- yes, I know it's ambiguous but the ambiguity is kinda growing on me and adds to the lurv.

George

[Antcliff]

- I can't help feeling that "thing" is not quite right.
How about "the last touch is yours" ?
- yes, I know it's ambiguous but the ambiguity is kinda growing on me and adds to the lurv.

George

Thanks George,
yeh, "thing" is not right. Gotta go. Milady agrees.
Contemplating your alternative..thanks for it! I can see the appeal in the ambiguity. Hmm.

Seth

[Macavity]

hi Seth

'play' is smoother and more poetic, 'spread' is peculiar and more earthy - me being me naturally prefers the latter

play/tuned are more obvious

mac

[Antcliff]

hi Seth

'play' is smoother and more poetic, 'spread' is peculiar and more earthy - me being me naturally prefers the latter

play/tuned are more obvious

mac

Thanks Mac!
yeh, I prefer the "spread"!. I'm with you..earthy is better than smooth.

seth