The move from London to Wales, 1978

[Macavity]

I guess the hyphen was in there to signify a pause for the reader'-and jump'. The edit of 'purple-hued' certainly allows more focus on scale. My only suggestion is maybe' the old roots' for sound, because we know it is a tree, and because of the thread to 'bone white'.

enjoyed

mac

[David]

I seem to have become something of a slave to form, which must be why I'd like to see the layout regularised. That first verse is lovely - could all the others follow suit? Or triplets - of which there a few - would do as well.

Purple - I seem to remember the mountains had this purple/blue tinge in the rain.

Mmm. A bit like blue remembered hills, yes? Almost the same part of the country? Anglo-Welsh borders and all that.

I must be a bit thick, because I don't understand the reddened water at all.

And I must also be a bit obvious, because I'd be very happy to see "and jump" as a separate last line (as already suggested by Ray, I see).

Still, a very pretty piece of childhood memorialised.

Cheers

David

[Arian]

I'd like to see the layout regularised.

Loth as I am to disagree with David, something I very rarely do, I can't help but urge against this advice. Form, or the pavlovian use of it (it's a poem, so we must have form) is something to beware of. It can be the ruin of a perfectly nice piece.

As this is. I particularly like:

is our view,
stretched over slow-moving clouds
to the small mountains.

Simple and evocative. Sometimes simple and familar language works best - it's the skill of the poet to decide when to use it. You've judged it right here, I'd say.

To return to my more usual davidian viewpoint, I agree with him about the reddened water. Lost me completely.

overall...

a very pretty piece of childhood memorialised.

Quite so.

Cheers
peter

[Vincent Turner]

A perfectly balanced poem

with just about the right amount of sentiment.

Glad the purple-hued mountains has gone although it is something similar to what I would have written, but since being here I have come to learn that there is a time and place for such words, and the purple part seemed a tad out of place.

I moved to Ireland a few years back from city to country a few years back and this is the sort of poem I can connect with.

Nicely done

Best Regards

Vincent

[Pleiades]

Super, liked this. Only nit, younger siblings. Too impersonal