Oskar wrote:The widow in the cocktail dress
who trails her fur along the floor
smells of flowers but she’s a carnivore.
Nash wrote:We haven't been getting many from you lately Oskar and I must confess that it makes me feel strangely happy when I see that you've posted one.....
Nash wrote:The fat man and the small guy - I'm seeing Sidney Greenstreet and Peter Lorre?
Nash wrote:Small typo in L5? Should it be 'just a little' instead of 'a just little'?
Nash wrote:not only do I have a picture of her looking like Julie London but we've also got a soundtrack in the bar!
Nash wrote:I'm not too keen on those very short lines (That's her/in your bed), they seem to disrupt the rhythm I think.
Pleiades wrote:Perhaps a tad conventional as a narrative?
Pleiades wrote:with a bottle and the look
that’s a just little bit jaded.
This could be
with a bottle and the jaded look
ray miller wrote:I guess "off limits" is a bit more American than out of bounds.
Antcliff wrote:Yes I think "Out of bounds" is indeed not quite a Shakey Town expression..unless David Niven is at the party.
twoleftfeet wrote:"Out of bounds" makes me think of misbehaving kids, bunking off, tuck-shops et al.
David wrote:"out of bounds" should be "out of your league". No?
rearrange your head with smoke filled lies.
There’s no such thing as a free pink pussycat
in your bed. She’ll strip you clean,
dance you round and when she’s done
Don’t stay to drink the coffee
just get out of there and drive.
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