Evolutionarily oblique

[Nash]

.



That which we thought was sea-drift changes,
escapes the tidal shackles to become
flint backs alive with sea. Those scrying eyes
are set in far too human faces.

No wonder then all those selkie myths
of ready-salted men seducing fishwives;
while their menfolk are out carrying on
with smooth skinned girls who, having shed
their hides, are left to gaze seaward
and longingly watch their kith and kin.






.

[Antcliff]

Hi Nash,
Right up my street this. Greatly enjoyed it.

I like the fit between the "that which" start - prophetic echoes/religious echoes - and the scrying reference.
I also like the use of the older language kith+kin+menfolk+shackles. That fits nicely as well doesn't it?
Above all..the ready-salted men. Laughed at that.

Seth.
ps. I often see the seals. The lie on the rocks in a nearby bay and linger by the boats for fish.

[David]

Hi Nash,
Right up my street this. Greatly enjoyed it.

Mine too. And me too.

You really like this Robin Robertson stuff, don't you? You've taken it and taken off with it. I like it.

I got a bit mixed up with who was who in the second section, but that's probably just me.

Cheers

David

[Ros]

Yes, very good. I too had to ponder a while about the smooth-skinned girls. I'm somehow not so keen on it ending on 'kith and kin' but can't explain why, so probably best to ignore me.

Ros

[Mic]

Hi Nash,

I've read this a few times today, and it just doesn't seem to be connecting with me. There is a skill in the language but there is a 'slipperiness' about it - I just don't seem to be able to get a purchase on it.

I'll keep on reading though - sometimes the reader can be at fault for not doing enough work, I think.

Mic

[BenJohnson]

Like some of the others the first verse throws me, it took a few readings to twig that you were writing about seals, only the last line in verse one points clearly enough for me. Verse two is much easier to read and understand.

[Pleiades]

Very nice, but the title, noooooo. Pls change it.

richard

[Pleiades]

Plus,

The flints line is gorgeous. You could lose the last line too, stronger??

[Oskar]

Well, I'm growing a beard of Darwinian proportions just trying to see what's going on here. I've cheated, looked at the other comments and I'm a little closer to the truth, I think...

The elegant use of language, as ever, really stands out. ready-salted men is inspired. I like the wistful, just out of reachness of it all. Never heard of scrying before, but now I know. It's been an education.

Cheers Nash.

[Nash]

Thanks very much all.

I'm glad you liked it Seth and David - I was hoping it would be up your particular alleys! Funnily enough David, I started writing this one ages ago, before I'd read Robin Robertson (...I've been going through some old notebooks), but yes, I think any selkie poem will now inevitably be compared to his 'At Roane Head'.

Now then, hmmm......I seem to have lost almost everybody with this one. It's been through so many drafts that it looks like it's become too obscure. It started life as a straight descriptive piece about grey seals, but that wasn't working so I introduced the ideas of selkies which pushed out most of the other stuff.

Perhaps if I changed the bloody awful title (thanks Richard, Mrs. Nash told me that the title was crap but did I listen? No! Always listen to Mrs. Nash (...how many times have I said that?)) and referenced seals in the title a bit more blatantly, then would that make the poem a bit clearer?

Thanks very much all, very helpful as always. I'll try and think of a new title and see if that helps any.

Nash.

[Pleiades]

Yes, the description of seals is brilliant if you can see it. That would work in the title!

[brianedwards]

Read this a few times and agree there is much to admire. I vote for a change of title too, but my bigger problem is with the last line. Trying to hard for me, spelling things out in an editorial tone. I much prefer it ending at seaward.

Just a thought. Enjoyable nonetheless.

B.

[twoleftfeet]

Much enjoyed, Nash

"There ain't no way to hide those scrying eyes"
- not only do I love the pun, I didn't know that one could scry with water - I mistakenly thought it was a crystal ball or nothing at all.

Now that I've worked out who is who etc (with a considerable amount of help from the earlier replies) I wouldn't change a thing -
not even the title.

Geoff

[ljordan]

Ditto everyone about the title. Could 'tidal shackles' be simply replaced with 'tides'? Not sure all the thick words are necessary. The hint of 'far too human eyes' serves the poem, gives it an address for this reader. In line three, 'those' refers back to flint backs since eyes were not previously mentioned and it gets a little muddy tossing in the scry. Didn't bother anyone else, so it maybe my (mis)read.

larry

[Antcliff]

Interesting, I see that not all saw seals in this immediately. The humanish face was the giveaway. (Apart from the real mermaids of course..and their location is hush-hush, known only to the hereditary pipers of the McFees of Colonsay.)
Seth

[camus]

Missed this one Nash, lovely stuff.

"The French Lieutenant's Woman" seems to be cropping up in all manner of places for me at present. This poem could easily have been inspired after reading said novel.

Stupid nit but should "escapes" be "escape" ?

[Antcliff]

Nash,
by the way. After I read the poem I recalled a seal tales/myth history book that I enjoyed..had an intro by Heaney. I couldn't recall the name. Now it comes to me at last.

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3094 ... of_the_Sea

Seth

[Nash]

Thanks very much folks, sorry I haven't been back to this one for a few days.

Thanks very much Brian, so that's two votes for ending at 'seaward'. Bugger, I quite liked the last line, something about 'kith and kin' I was vaguely hoping had a sort of sound like the tide coming in and out. Maybe not. It may not all be lost though, I might try and change 'longingly', that's a bit naff anyway.

Cheers Geoff. With the scrying I was going for the idea of the seal's eyes looking like a scrying glass, i.e. blackened glass. I'm glad you like it but I think something needs to be changed, if only the title, it seems to be too confusing.

Thanks for your comments Larry. Interesting idea about stripping back the language in the first part, I'll have a think about that.

Cheers Kris, I don't know much about The French Lieutenant's Woman - other than the scene from the film of a woman looking out to a stormy sea? Shameful perhaps, but I've never read any John Fowles...is that right? It is John Fowles isn't it? Grammar's never been my strong point but I think it should be "escapes" shouldn't it?

Thanks again Seth, I must admit that I was a bit surprised too that not everyone saw seals straight away. Completely my fault of course for not explaining sufficiently, it's always difficult to judge what is common knowledge and what isn't. That book looks really interesting and strangely familiar, I'm wondering whether I've come across it before.

[brianedwards]

You could rejig the line ending "seaward" to end on a stressed syllable, which would give you something of the effect you'd hoped for. Off the top of my head:

having shed
their hides, are left to ponder the sea

B.