What I really like about this John, isn't so much the final product, which I think (though an excellent idea) is ultimately a tad empty of comment or insight, but the way you're trying to make your pieces a pleasure to read (with no little success), using poetic devices such as assonance and embedded rhyme (or pararhyme).
You use end-rhymes such as cheeks/peek, baddie/had he, smoke/choke quite well, in an unforced way, but - to me - one of the most powerful techniques (often ignored or badly used) in modern poetry is embedded rhyme, which you do very well with best/west, grimace/face, rasp/grasp etc.
The penultimate stanza is, to my ear, very good indeed.
Despite these positives, though, I personally feel that the piece as a whole flatters to deceive - there's a sense of the absurd in there, which is good, but no commitment (to a viewpoint) from the poet...he said, perhaps pretentiously.
But I think I know what I mean, even if you don't.