Lake wrote:Hi Geoff,
You spotted the two places I was not quite sure of.
I have never completed a single puzzle in my life either, so I couldn't think of a proper verb for "playing" the game. Now, I'll just take your expression, "was doing a jigsaw puzzle".
That "out" in "crying out" was later added by me, and it does sound odd with "outside" next to it . I like "I heard my sister, outside, crying".
"the door", if I understand it correctly, implies the father and the brother were trapped in the rubble and the sister was outside of it?
Thanks as always.
twoleftfeet wrote:Wonderful poem.
Shi Tong wrote:我最近開始在初學者的論壇寫了一些爛詩， 然後有可能真的會幫助因為那首詩我大部份看的懂。 ：）
oggiesnr wrote:I love this poem but stanza one seems clumsy, still thinking about that.
However, should "brother" be "younger brother"?
In the final stanza would "two jigsaw pieces" keep the flow and relate better to the opening line?
All the best
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