Taking the Biscuit

Any closet novelists, short story writers, script-writers or prose poets out there?
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Leslie
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Taking the Biscuit

Post by Leslie » Mon Feb 21, 2005 8:05 pm

Here's a very wee vignette.

TAKING THE BISCUIT
“Is it true, Father Murphy, that given a couple of significant words you can complete any verse of the Bible?”
Mrs Gordon, new to the Church Ladies’ Circle, had just learned of the Reverend’s prodigious ability. Naturally she wanted to test him; she had prepared by taking possession of one of the Bibles lying about in the hall.
“Into all the world,” she shot the familiar phrase from memory.
“And he said unto them, ‘Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature,’ Mark 16, verse 15,” Father Murphy completed as he lowered his comfortable frame into an armchair
Mrs Gordon took the seat beside him and tried with another two or three fragments, searching at random in the book for more obscure texts. Father Murphy answered easily, a benevolent smile on his plump red face; his knowledge of the scriptures, garnered over many years, was great. The relaxed priest sat back with his eyes closed.

“Have an iced biscuit, Father.” Mrs. Callaghan, circulating the gathering with refreshments bent before him, proffering a plate on which a selection of fancy biscuits lay arranged. The loose-fitting blouse she wore fell forward. Opening his eyes, Father Murphy instantly found himself looking down a tunnel of fabric and flesh where much of an ample bosom was exposed to his sight.
Automatically he reached out and took a biscuit though his gaze was fixed elsewhere. Even as the woman still stooped before him he bit the biscuit, iced topping fragmented and scattered around his mouth. Sudden sweetness saturated his taste buds with overwhelming consequence.
Through a mush of crumbs and dissolving icing he spluttered,
“Though wickedness be sweet in his mouth, though he hide it under his tongue, though he spare it and forsake it not, but keep it still in his mouth, yet it turns to gall of wasps in his stomach. Job 20, verses 12 to 14.”
Father Murphy swallowed hard and smiled at the perplexed Mrs Gordon, who had not supplied him with any significant words. The upright Mrs Callaghan wondered if there could be something wrong with the biscuit.

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cameron
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Post by cameron » Mon Feb 28, 2005 10:21 am

I'm surprised that nobody has picked up on this one. I think this is excellent fun. Father Ted eat your heart out. (Drink! Arse! Feck!)

Would like to use this one as a featured piece Leslie. Hope this is okay?

Cheers
Cam

Leslie
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The Biscuit

Post by Leslie » Tue Mar 01, 2005 9:37 am

Thanks for a comment, at last. Yes, delighted if you feature it. Happy for some recognition. Leslie.

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Ros
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Re: Taking the Biscuit

Post by Ros » Tue Mar 22, 2016 2:25 pm

Caffoy wrote:Leslie, you have a gently wicked imagination; in no way can this give offence yet it is very funny. I can't fault it, have you written more in this style? I'd love to read them.
Caffoy, I appreciate you reading through PG, but to be honest there's not much point in commenting on work from years ago, particularly if you're not seeing those people around at the moment. Especially in the case of Barrie, who died some time ago.

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RCJames
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Re: Taking the Biscuit

Post by RCJames » Sun May 01, 2016 7:14 pm

I enjoyed, had me all the way through. The priest's fumbling loss of composure was resolved through his resorting to the scriptures. I dunno, don't have much more to say, the narrative was smooth and rhythmic. Good work, RC

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