The Angel.

Any closet novelists, short story writers, script-writers or prose poets out there?
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Gbn
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The Angel.

Post by Gbn » Wed Apr 01, 2015 11:45 am

I watch their interaction as they drink. Predictably deceptive in their mutual flattery. Like them, I know exactly what is going to happen. But I know. I watch them leave and follow them. Nobody ever notices I'm there until it's to late for them to notice. I transcend situations, observe the unfurling of whatever flag of convenience the situation requires.. Their laughter is neither natural, nor forced. It is a preamble. They are playing by the rules of thousands before them, unwritten but set in stone. The front door to the flat is about to close but before it does, I'm through the gap. My invisibility gives me invincibility.

As they settle down for a drink, I look around the flat. Normal. Nice. But I know what dark secrets will be found. After. I know. I see him laughing, full of alpha male pride and prejudice. He doesn't realise he is the one about to be fucked. I enter her head, coax her, encourage her. It was already there, it's in us all, but sometimes I need to plant a seed to grow the forest that hides the trees. She watches in astonishment as the kitchen knife slides under his bottom rib. Clean. No deflection. Not a killing blow, so she puts it in the side of his neck and stands back, watches the accumulation of experiences that was his life gargle from his mouth. She feels enormous power. I think she might do this again. The forest grows.

Sometimes it isn't like this. Sometimes I just tap someone on the shoulder, remind them of their vulnerability. A stay in hospital, the exalted heart rate of a near miss as they cross the road. A friend or loved one taken. But not them. Thank god. Fuck God. There is only one omnipotent entity. The wages of life is death, and I am death. I am in us and around us. As random as I am predictable, as efficient as I am chaos. I am death and my shadow gives you life.

Moth
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Re: The Angel.

Post by Moth » Mon Jun 22, 2015 3:34 pm

A bit late in the day, I may be, but I just wanted to say I found this quite an exceptional work - very, very good indeed, in terms of its powerful writing style and the way it hooked the reader right through from start to finish. Just a couple of points to note:
I know exactly what is going to happen. But I know.
But, here suggests a contradiction, so although when read aloud, the tone would explain why the word has been used, on paper it doesn't come across. 'Oh, I know', or 'but I know more', would be better.
The wages of life is death,
- are death.

I'm also wondering if a capital at death - at least the final one - might be appropriate.
to be totally honest... whenever you feel you really shouldn't write that, that's exactly what you should write.

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