Singles

[brianedwards]

Singles


These things are always a bit awkward aren't they? Feel like I'm at market or something . . . anyway, I'm Len.

I'm Sh-

Waywaywaywaywait. Don't tell me. I'm usually good at this kind of thing. Well, you've already given me Sh, as it were, so let's see . . .

Err, okay . . .

Sh, Sh, Shauna. No? Shana, Sinead. Nice name. Siobhan. Another Irish one. You could be Irish. Siobhan.

No.

Lovely name though. Siobhan. "C'mon Siobhan. Siobhan, ye iijit."

Not Siobhan. Or Irish.

Sean. There's another. And Seamus. What is it with the Irish? Must be 'cos they're all pished. "Oy, Seamus, gimme me sheep back ye shit." . . . Sh, sh . . . Sugar? 'Cos you're so sweet.

Very good.

Sugarlump? One lump or two? How many sugarlumps do you want?

You make me sound like a horse.

A what? A horse? I look like a horse, want me to prove it? . . . Sorry, went too far. Nervous you see. Anyway, your name. Starting again. Nice to meet you, what's your name?

Sharah.

Sharah? Well I had no chance, I've never even heard of it. How do you spell that? S-

a

a

r

r

a

a

h

h. S-a-r-a-h?

Yep.

S-a-r-a-h? But that's Sarah?

Yesh. Sharah.

Oh. Oh. God, sorry. Shit. I didn't know. I mean, how could I? We just met.

It's fine.

God, I feel awful.

Don't worry, really. It's nothing.

Well yes, you're right. It is nothing. It's only a lisp. Not like you're dying or anything.

Exactly.

No-one ever died from a lisp. The only way you could die from a lisp is if, I dunno, you worked in an Arab restaurant, and one of them crazed dictator-types came in and when you say to him "Here's your seat", he hears "Here. You're a shit." The resultant beheading could arguably be attributed to the lisp, but even then, it wasn't technically the lisp that killed you, but the religious zealot in a mask who lopped your head off.

Right.

Lessons to be learned for all of us. Don't cross a dictator.

Or work in an Arab restaurant.

Even better. Don't put yourself in the firing line. Have nothing to do with them.

Stay well clear.










~

[k-j]

Ha ha. Good one. But - and I'm no expert - isn't a lisp where you replace 's' sounds with 'th' sounds, not 'sh' sounds? I don't think I've ever come across a 'sh' for 's' shubshtitution before.

[Deryn]

Cool, I had no idea where it was going and I was almost racing to the end.

k-j is right though. With a lisp, lithp, Sarah would have begun with 'th', tharah.

Deryn

[Nash]

Excellent piece of dialogue Brian. The title and first sentence place the piece instantly, very good. Characterisation's good too, especially the bloke.

I used to know someone that mispronounced s as sh, it does exist. He used to quack like a duck too on some hard consonants, but that's another story.

There's a certain ambiguity at the end isn't there? Or am I reading too much into it? She loses the impediment after the name is resolved and her last line "Stay well clear" can of course be read in two ways.

Could be called Shingles!

Nice one,
Nash.

[brianedwards]

Thanks all. The s/sh impediment definitely does exist (I have a stuent I'm seeing this morning who has that very problem) but of course, you're right, it isn't a lisp. I don't think it's a problem that the guy mistakenly calls it a lisp, but the female character, as written, would probably correct him. Shall think on it, cheers.

B.

[Nicky B]

So good it just set off my smoke alarm.

Distracted me from my fish finger sandwich building - no mean feat.

A very good sign - it made me smile.

Nicky B.

[Suzanne]

Entertaining dialogue, B. The first line set the whole scene smoothly. We didn't need more to see the whole thing.

Enjoyed it,
Suzanne