Comings and Goings

Comings and Goings

Postby Lake » Fri Jan 23, 2009 6:04 pm

Comings and Goings
- to B

our last summer
fades into fluffy snow -
butterflies in dreams.

cold dawn
candle’s blown off -
unfinished lines…

moonless night,
a lone tarn gently rocks
a tired boat.

a robin sings
with a coarse voice -
silent cherry blossoms.

foggy sunshine,
how beautiful
blooming camellia!

.
Lake
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
 
Posts: 2262
Joined: Fri Jun 08, 2007 4:55 pm
Location: Sky Blue Waters

Re: Comings and Goings

Postby Danté » Fri Jan 23, 2009 6:27 pm

Lake

This is lovely, especially read aloud.
I miss Barrie a lot, I´m sure that he would want us all, to crack on as if he were here.
Thanks, this is very reflective, I found the closing lines very touching.

all the best

Danté
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch
User avatar
Danté
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
 
Posts: 2009
Joined: Mon Jul 07, 2008 6:40 pm
Location: nothere

Re: Comings and Goings

Postby David » Fri Jan 23, 2009 8:29 pm

Very good, Lake. Not sure about fluffy, but other than that it's just about pitch perfect.

I think this should be in Barrie's own forum, with other tributes. Do you want me to move it?

Cheers

David
David
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 10930
Joined: Sat Feb 18, 2006 4:40 pm
Location: Ellan Vannin

Re: Comings and Goings

Postby Suzanne » Fri Jan 23, 2009 8:32 pm

Very nice. So gentle.
A beautiful write.

It made me pause a moment, thanks,
Suzanne
User avatar
Suzanne
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
 
Posts: 4518
Joined: Sun Oct 19, 2008 4:46 pm
Location: Land of the Midnight Sun

Re: Comings and Goings

Postby Lake » Sat Jan 24, 2009 6:41 am

Danté, thanks for your kind words. I'm glad it reads well. It'll take some time for me to get back on track.

David, thanks for your comment. What kind of snow will suit better here? Yes, you can move it to the right place.

Suzanne, ah, "It made me pause a moment," that's very encouraging.

Thanks again.

Lake
Lake
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
 
Posts: 2262
Joined: Fri Jun 08, 2007 4:55 pm
Location: Sky Blue Waters

Re: Comings and Goings

Postby arunansu » Sat Jan 24, 2009 10:22 am

Lake, enjoyed the snowfall and the blooming camellia. My favourite part:

"moonless night,
a lone tarn gently rocks
a tired boat."

Peaceful write.
arunansu
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
 
Posts: 2873
Joined: Sun Feb 11, 2007 3:01 pm
Location: INDIA

Re: Comings and Goings

Postby R. Broath » Sat Jan 24, 2009 1:24 pm

Beguiling imagery with a gentle and sustained pace, Lake. Not all that easy to refrain from overwriting in such as this so I admire the restraint and careful use of language here. A fine write, indeed.

Jimmy
R. Broath
Prolific Poster
Prolific Poster
 
Posts: 298
Joined: Fri Oct 31, 2008 9:16 pm

Re: Comings and Goings

Postby mesmie » Sat Jan 24, 2009 1:27 pm

lake

stunning stuff that I much appreciate

thanks

mes
User avatar
mesmie
Prolific Poster
Prolific Poster
 
Posts: 722
Joined: Thu Oct 09, 2008 10:21 pm
Location: North West UK


Return to Barrie

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron