Comings and Goings

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Lake
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Comings and Goings

Post by Lake » Fri Jan 23, 2009 6:04 pm

Comings and Goings
- to B

our last summer
fades into fluffy snow -
butterflies in dreams.

cold dawn
candle’s blown off -
unfinished lines…

moonless night,
a lone tarn gently rocks
a tired boat.

a robin sings
with a coarse voice -
silent cherry blossoms.

foggy sunshine,
how beautiful
blooming camellia!

.

Danté
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Re: Comings and Goings

Post by Danté » Fri Jan 23, 2009 6:27 pm

Lake

This is lovely, especially read aloud.
I miss Barrie a lot, I´m sure that he would want us all, to crack on as if he were here.
Thanks, this is very reflective, I found the closing lines very touching.

all the best

Danté
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch

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Re: Comings and Goings

Post by David » Fri Jan 23, 2009 8:29 pm

Very good, Lake. Not sure about fluffy, but other than that it's just about pitch perfect.

I think this should be in Barrie's own forum, with other tributes. Do you want me to move it?

Cheers

David

Suzanne
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Re: Comings and Goings

Post by Suzanne » Fri Jan 23, 2009 8:32 pm

Very nice. So gentle.
A beautiful write.

It made me pause a moment, thanks,
Suzanne

Lake
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Re: Comings and Goings

Post by Lake » Sat Jan 24, 2009 6:41 am

Danté, thanks for your kind words. I'm glad it reads well. It'll take some time for me to get back on track.

David, thanks for your comment. What kind of snow will suit better here? Yes, you can move it to the right place.

Suzanne, ah, "It made me pause a moment," that's very encouraging.

Thanks again.

Lake

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Re: Comings and Goings

Post by arunansu » Sat Jan 24, 2009 10:22 am

Lake, enjoyed the snowfall and the blooming camellia. My favourite part:

"moonless night,
a lone tarn gently rocks
a tired boat."

Peaceful write.

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Re: Comings and Goings

Post by R. Broath » Sat Jan 24, 2009 1:24 pm

Beguiling imagery with a gentle and sustained pace, Lake. Not all that easy to refrain from overwriting in such as this so I admire the restraint and careful use of language here. A fine write, indeed.

Jimmy

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mesmie
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Re: Comings and Goings

Post by mesmie » Sat Jan 24, 2009 1:27 pm

lake

stunning stuff that I much appreciate

thanks

mes

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