Just make sure

Just make sure

Postby barrie » Wed Aug 06, 2008 3:39 pm

I must insist no prayers
are read
when I am dead (or just before),
and what's more, I ask you, please,
don't dress in black,
wear a death mask,
or hold back. Just have a drink,
enjoy the crack. Be wary of
persistent priests
with rumours that I
rest in peace. Don't talk of any good I did,
stand your beer
on my coffin lid - remember
I could be a twat - so don't forget
to mention that.
Play my music
good and loud, dress me
in a hippy shroud, and when they feed me
to the ground, make sure that there's
no scratching sound.
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......
User avatar
barrie
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
 
Posts: 6072
Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2005 1:13 am
Location: lake district

Re: Just make sure

Postby David » Wed Aug 06, 2008 4:16 pm

Nice one, Barrie.

It's something like this:

I the undermentioned by this document
Do declare my true intention
My last will, my testament
When I turn up me toes, when I rattle me clack
When I agonise
I want no great, wet weepings, no tearing of hair
No wringing of hands, no sighs, no lack-a-days
No woe is me's,and none of your sad adieus
Go, go, go and get the priest and then
Go get the booze boys


Cheers

David
David
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 11003
Joined: Sat Feb 18, 2006 4:40 pm
Location: Ellan Vannin

Re: Just make sure

Postby Lake » Wed Aug 06, 2008 5:02 pm

Nice! Zhuangzi!

But how can you make sure people will do what they are told?

Best,

Lake
Lake
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
 
Posts: 2262
Joined: Fri Jun 08, 2007 4:55 pm
Location: Sky Blue Waters

Re: Just make sure

Postby Elphin » Wed Aug 06, 2008 6:48 pm

I can think of someone who might make sure there is no scratching sound - but only if you have been hung for your misdemeanours.

wear a death face - kept reading that as death mask, the sounds work with back and black but its the dead who wear death masks isnt it.

Enjoyable - lighten the mood a lot.

elphin
Elphin
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 2817
Joined: Thu Jun 28, 2007 4:10 pm

Re: Just make sure

Postby Danté » Wed Aug 06, 2008 7:32 pm

Barrie

I really enjoyed this. It appeals to my to my sense of humour.
The closing lines are my favourite as your syllable count here, is to my mind spot on.
This really gives the ending the feel that a poem should have; which is satisfaction for the reader.

I also would like to say a big thank you, for kicking my arse when I needed it.

Danté
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch
User avatar
Danté
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
 
Posts: 2009
Joined: Mon Jul 07, 2008 6:40 pm
Location: nothere

Re: Just make sure

Postby Oskar » Wed Aug 06, 2008 8:55 pm

David wrote:I the undermentioned by this document
Do declare my true intention
My last will, my testament
When I turn up me toes, when I rattle me clack
When I agonise
I want no great, wet weepings, no tearing of hair
No wringing of hands, no sighs, no lack-a-days
No woe is me's,and none of your sad adieus
Go, go, go and get the priest and then
Go get the booze boys


Jake Thackray, I do believe.

Barrie

So while the rest of us have either recently returned from holiday, or are contemplating going on one, you have to go one step further by issuing instructions upon the occasion of your imminent arrival at the terminal departure lounge. Well that's just typical of you. What's this morbid preoccupation you seem to have with death? From the pictures I've seen of you, you've got possibly months left in you. Anyway, who's going to police Dodge City if you turn in your badge?

barrie wrote:and when they feed me
to the ground, make sure that there's
no scratching sound.


It was quite the rage in Victorian times for the deceased to have a chain in the coffin with them, on the end of which was a bell attached to the headstone, that could be pulled if the poor wretch regained consciousness after burial. Not a bad idea methinks.

Yes, you've lightened the mood with this one. There's nothing like a death to bring people together in common cause. You won't be needing it where you're going, so may I have the stuffed cat?
"This is going to be a damn masterpiece, when I finish dis..." - Poeterry
Oskar
Preternatural Poster
Preternatural Poster
 
Posts: 1694
Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2007 3:40 pm

Re: Just make sure

Postby David » Wed Aug 06, 2008 9:11 pm

Didn't John Donne sleep in his shroud?
David
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 11003
Joined: Sat Feb 18, 2006 4:40 pm
Location: Ellan Vannin

Re: Just make sure

Postby jms » Thu Aug 07, 2008 8:11 am

Oskar wrote:It was quite the rage in Victorian times for the deceased to have a chain in the coffin with them, on the end of which was a bell attached to the headstone, that could be pulled if the poor wretch regained consciousness after burial. Not a bad idea methinks.

In this day and age, by the time the undertaker's finished with you, you're dead, believe me!

Cheers,

Jon
User avatar
jms
Prolific Poster
Prolific Poster
 
Posts: 366
Joined: Fri Aug 01, 2008 12:56 pm

Re: Just make sure

Postby David » Thu Aug 07, 2008 8:44 am

jms = just make sure

Spooky, no?
David
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 11003
Joined: Sat Feb 18, 2006 4:40 pm
Location: Ellan Vannin

Re: Just make sure

Postby jms » Thu Aug 07, 2008 8:56 am

:o
Whistles X-Files theme....

Jon
User avatar
jms
Prolific Poster
Prolific Poster
 
Posts: 366
Joined: Fri Aug 01, 2008 12:56 pm

Re: Just make sure

Postby Oskar » Thu Aug 07, 2008 4:45 pm

jms wrote:Oskar wrote:
It was quite the rage in Victorian times for the deceased to have a chain in the coffin with them, on the end of which was a bell attached to the headstone, that could be pulled if the poor wretch regained consciousness after burial. Not a bad idea methinks.
In this day and age, by the time the undertaker's finished with you, you're dead, believe me!


Surely that depends on your budget and the quality of the relationship that you have with your other half? I've been measured up for a black bin liner and a drive-by dumping at the local Tidy-Tip.

btw Are you writing from personal experience?

jms = jacob marley's spectre?!
"This is going to be a damn masterpiece, when I finish dis..." - Poeterry
Oskar
Preternatural Poster
Preternatural Poster
 
Posts: 1694
Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2007 3:40 pm

Re: Just make sure

Postby Travis » Thu Aug 07, 2008 6:53 pm

Funny. The poem and the lot of ye!

Barrie, you put me in mind of Mr. Matthew Arnold:

"A Wish"

I ask not that my bed of death
From bands of greedy heirs be free;
For these besiege the latest breath
Of fortune's favoured sons, not me.

I ask not each kind soul to keep
Tearless, when of my death he hears;
Let those who will, if any, weep!
There are worse plagues on earth than tears.

I ask but that my death may find
The freedom to my life denied;
Ask but the folly of mankind,
Then, at last, to quit my side.

Spare me the whispering, crowded room,
The friends who come, and gape, and go;
The ceremonious air of gloom -
All which makes death a hideous show!

Nor bring, to see me cease to live,
Some doctor full of phrase and fame,
To shake his sapient head and give
The ill he cannot cure a name.

Nor fetch, to take the accustomed toll
Of the poor sinner bound for death,
His brother doctor of the soul,
To canvass with official breath

The future and its viewless things -
That undiscovered mystery
Which one who feels death's winnowing wings
Must need read clearer, sure, than he!

Bring none of these; but let me be,
While all around in silence lies,
Moved to the window near, and see
Once more before my dying eyes

Bathed in the sacred dew of morn
The wide aerial landscape spread -
The world which was ere I was born,
The world which lasts when I am dead.

Which never was the friend of one,
Nor promised love it could not give,
But lit for all its generous sun,
And lived itself, and made us live.

There let me gaze, till I become
In soul with what I gaze on wed!
To feel the universe my home;
To have before my mind -instead

Of the sick-room, the mortal strife,
The turmoil for a little breath -
The pure eternal course of life,
Not human combatings with death.

Thus feeling, gazing, let me grow
Composed, refreshed, ennobled, clear;
Then willing let my spirit go
To work or wait elsewhere or here!
There's only one rule in street and bar fights: maximum violence, instantly. (Martin Amis, "Money")
User avatar
Travis
Preternatural Poster
Preternatural Poster
 
Posts: 1896
Joined: Tue Mar 14, 2006 3:00 am

Re: Just make sure

Postby twoleftfeet » Fri Aug 08, 2008 10:10 am

Excellent.
It deserves to be recorded.

I especially like the idea of inflicting one's musical tastes on others even after you're dead
User avatar
twoleftfeet
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
 
Posts: 6612
Joined: Wed Dec 07, 2005 4:02 pm
Location: Standing by a short pier, looking for a long run-up

Re: Just make sure

Postby barrie » Fri Aug 08, 2008 8:15 pm

Thanks David - I wouldn't have known who it was if Oskar hadn't said - sounded Irish to me.

David wrote:Didn't John Donne sleep in his shroud?
- He still does.


Lake wrote:But how can you make sure people will do what they are t
- I'll haunt their darkest dreams if they don't.

Elphin wrote:I can think of someone who might make sure there is no scratching sound - but only if you have been hung for your misdemeanours.
- I can't think who you might mean.

Thanks Dante - Nice to be appreciated.


Oskar wrote:What's this morbid preoccupation you seem to have with death?
-Without going into detail, I've had three very close calls and I often wonder what I've missed - although I'm glad that I can wonder what I've missed.

I read all about premature burial and the fixation people had with it after I read Poe's story of the same name. I wonder if funeral parlours advertised minature campaniles in glossy catalogues (Saved by the Bell?) -"Would you care for brass or bronze?"

Sorry about the stuffed cat - the dog had it.


jms wrote:In this day and age, by the time the undertaker's finished with you, you're dead, believe me!
- True. I was a gravedigger for three years and no-one ever asked me to let them out.

Thanks Travis - The last time I saw that poem was back in the sixties - I had to read and comment on it for Literature homework. I got bored halfway through and made up some half-arsed excuse for not doing it. Sounds a damn sight better these days.

Thanks Geoff - I might just have a go a recording it.

cheers all

Barrie
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......
User avatar
barrie
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
 
Posts: 6072
Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2005 1:13 am
Location: lake district

Re: Just make sure

Postby emuse » Mon Aug 11, 2008 12:45 am

Consider a match and a bottle of kerosene and letter rip! I really love this boot up death's ass Barrie. It almost sounds like it could be made into a reel or perhaps a jig. It's aching to be put to music.

I do agree "death face" feels like it should be "death mask".

Is the narrator really a hippie? Should I bring the patchouli and incense?

Peace

e
emuse
Preponderant Poster
Preponderant Poster
 
Posts: 981
Joined: Wed Jan 31, 2007 10:28 pm
Location: Los Angeles, California

Re: Just make sure

Postby barrie » Mon Aug 11, 2008 12:31 pm

Thanks e

No, I never was a hippy, nor a mod or a rocker. I was always a sucker for a nice bit of dope though ..... maybe the odd trip or two.

I know death mask would sound much better - I just think it might seem out of place. Would it?

cheers

Barrie

BTW - Any ideas on an alternative title for 'Sweetlybitter'
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......
User avatar
barrie
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
 
Posts: 6072
Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2005 1:13 am
Location: lake district

Re: Just make sure

Postby emuse » Mon Aug 11, 2008 3:32 pm

You know B when I first read this I thought of the jazz funerals of New Orleans where death is a big party. I might allude to something of that nature. Like:

Bring Your Party Hat
Keep the Lid Off
What would be the colloquial term for opening a bottle of beer e.g., Pop a Brew
No Suits or One-Eyed Preachers

or some such...

These are just my ideas but you get the gist. I don't think death mask is out of place. Not sure why you think it would be. They've been in western culture for centuries.

e
emuse
Preponderant Poster
Preponderant Poster
 
Posts: 981
Joined: Wed Jan 31, 2007 10:28 pm
Location: Los Angeles, California

Re: Just make sure

Postby barrie » Mon Aug 11, 2008 3:45 pm

Yes, but a death mask is made from a wax or plaster impression taken from the face of a corpse. Mind you, I suppose it could be used for more than what actually means - Done!

cheers

Barrie
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......
User avatar
barrie
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
 
Posts: 6072
Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2005 1:13 am
Location: lake district

Re: Just make sure

Postby TDF » Mon Aug 11, 2008 6:53 pm

Nice one, barrie.

Plenty been said, so I won't add much. But I like how you have taken an arguably unoriginal concept and made it your own.

loved this:
I could be a twat - so don't forget
to mention that
I DID run over
next door's cat.


Cheers,
Tom
meh and bah are wonderful words
User avatar
TDF
Prolific Poster
Prolific Poster
 
Posts: 607
Joined: Fri Feb 29, 2008 3:25 pm
Location: Londinium

Re: Just make sure

Postby barrie » Mon Aug 11, 2008 10:19 pm

Thanks Tom - and welcome back.

Glad to see you've changed your aviator from that annoying little sod in the box.

cheers

Barrie
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......
User avatar
barrie
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
 
Posts: 6072
Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2005 1:13 am
Location: lake district

Re: Just make sure

Postby TDF » Mon Aug 11, 2008 11:40 pm

funny... I had the exact same thought when I logged in today...
meh and bah are wonderful words
User avatar
TDF
Prolific Poster
Prolific Poster
 
Posts: 607
Joined: Fri Feb 29, 2008 3:25 pm
Location: Londinium

Re: Just make sure

Postby beautifulloser » Tue Aug 12, 2008 11:07 am

Baz

Good job, ahhhh bit of easy reading - such a strong nothern vibe in this as well.

Favourite bit:

Be wary of
persistent priests
with rumours that I
rest in peace.

Awwwww - you tortured lil soul you.

Ahhh - laughter (at the poem and crits). Well overdue (aside a recent effort by Osk.!

Enjoyed.

me
x
I'm sick of it, sick of it all. I know I'm right and I don't give a shit!
User avatar
beautifulloser
Preponderant Poster
Preponderant Poster
 
Posts: 926
Joined: Fri May 26, 2006 11:03 pm
Location: South Of Watford

Re: Just make sure

Postby dogofdiogenes » Tue Aug 12, 2008 8:57 pm

barrie,

dead cat didn't quite work for me, otherwise loved it...I like the elemental feel to it. Are you one of those green men types?

depresseddog today :roll:
I never give explanations-Mary Poppins (Management in the NHS-rewritten by Nightingale F,. original by Hunt,.G)
User avatar
dogofdiogenes
Prolific Poster
Prolific Poster
 
Posts: 342
Joined: Fri Sep 21, 2007 11:53 pm

Re: Just make sure

Postby barrie » Tue Aug 12, 2008 9:14 pm

Thanks Beau and Jac
dogofdiogenes wrote:Are you one of those green men types?
- You mean an environmental activist or a Martian? I'm neither, just a bloke who likes a pint and a laugh.

cheer up Jac.

Barrie
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......
User avatar
barrie
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
 
Posts: 6072
Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2005 1:13 am
Location: lake district

Re: Just make sure

Postby Lake » Tue Aug 12, 2008 9:56 pm

Barrie,

I have to say this poem makes me feel less fearful about death.

Here is a story I read about the death of Zhuangzi's wife and how he reacted:

"Chuang Tzu's wife died. When Hui Tzu went to convey his condolences, he found Chuang Tzu sitting with his legs sprawled out, pounding on a tub and singing. 'You lived with her, she brought up your children and grew old,' said Hui Tzu. 'It should be enough simply not to weep at her death. But pounding on a tub and singing-this is going too far, isn't it?'

"Chuang Tzu said, 'You're wrong. When she first died, do you think I didn't grieve like anyone else? But I looked back to her beginning and the time before she was born. Not only the time before she was born, but the time before she had a body. Not only the time before she had a body, but the time before she had a spirit. In the midst of the jumble of wonder and mystery a change took place and she had a spirit. Another change and she had a body. Another change and she was born. Now there's been another change and she's dead. It's just like the progression of the four seasons, spring, summer, fall, winter.

"'Now she's going to lie down peacefully in a vast room. If I were to follow after her bawling and sobbing, it would show that I don't understand anything about fate. So I stopped.'"

Isn't it something? :shock:

Lake
Lake
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
 
Posts: 2262
Joined: Fri Jun 08, 2007 4:55 pm
Location: Sky Blue Waters

Next

Return to Barrie

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest