It’s Something Celestial

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Poet
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It’s Something Celestial

Post by Poet » Mon Jul 06, 2020 2:17 am

At the museum I’ve been wanting to tell
you, future wife, through a sweet letter
about my feelings through a celestial painting.
With an image of Jesus and his apostles around
a kitchen white table with fingers being pointed
and bickering at him, (does Jesus have to sit)?
I ponder and ponder about the situation
of the piece, what its problem is,
what it does to my soul, to my heart.
I want it to send me on a philosophical
voyage, I want it to guide me to peace.
I want a painting to guide me to wisdom.
Find the meaning to my mundane life.
I want something meaningful to help me.
I want what is lost from my dark hands.
I want the painting to help me overcome
a lack of passion in my soul, where is it?
I want it to show me where to go next.
Paintings to me are about love and understanding.
I want to love a painting so poignant.
And precise to tell me I have found what
I’ve always wanted: love.
I want to feel a longing for life.

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springchic1979
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Re: It’s Something Celestial

Post by springchic1979 » Sun Aug 02, 2020 5:30 pm

I read your poem and you express a great need of/for things that seem to be missing in your life.

you use "I want" a lot throughout the poem. Have you thought about combining more lines or rewording a few lines to get the same meaning across but without the exact same 2 words "I want"...??

Repeating certain words or phrases can help get a point across...however repeating things too much may not.
example: using "I want' too often may make the person in the poem come across as too needy.


I want the painting to speak to me
share its wisdom;
help me overcome
what I feel I've lost
by bringing meaning
to my mundane life

The above was just an example.

(I do like how you want to share something meaningful with your future wife. Very sweet!)

respectfully,
YDS

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