The End to Slavery

This is a serious poetry forum not a "love-in". Post here for more detailed, constructive criticism.
Post Reply
User avatar
Poet
Persistent Poster
Persistent Poster
Posts: 232
Joined: Wed Jun 05, 2019 2:50 pm
Location: Canada
Contact:

The End to Slavery

Post by Poet » Fri Jul 03, 2020 6:23 am

Run from the white man!
He has whip in his hand.
Run from the white man!
He has murder on his mind.
Run from the white man!
What will he do next?
Run from the white man!
He will tie you to a noose.
And lynch you for always.
He will kill you in your sleep.
If you do retaliate
Kill his people first, then run
run from the white man people!
This will keep you up at night!
He will gather his gods and
strike you with lightening!
For he may nick you.
Just be careful my people.

The white man has rules.
If you die someone has to
bury you and mark a gravestone
to tell you have you died in a
certain year.
Oh, white man must you be
pointilliste like star, you bring
us to the KKK to be burned
with fire dancing on our toes
to our whole body.
White man
Must you be a fool and try
to throw us in the dirt.
Make us chew it.
White man, have some respect.
This is twenty-twenty not eighteen-thirty-five,
respect us.
Though I am not American.
I feel for my black friends and family.
Black lives do truly matter.
Now let’s end slavery!

White man you will not stop us.
I hope you know that I don’t care
about you, but our lives matter.
In fact, all lives matter, but yours
doesn’t.
Damn the American system!
Let slavery be no more.

User avatar
Jackie
Preponderant Poster
Preponderant Poster
Posts: 1287
Joined: Sun Jun 30, 2013 1:21 am
Contact:

Re: The End to Slavery

Post by Jackie » Sun Jul 19, 2020 6:15 pm

Poet,

I hear your voice and your passion clearly in this piece. So right! The problem is horrific, pervasive, and systemic.

As a poem, though, right from the title, it may have bitten off more than it can chew. How can you narrow the topic to make it more powerful? Can you focus on a single image from a single incident that you have personally witnessed?

Just my view,

Jackie

User avatar
Poet
Persistent Poster
Persistent Poster
Posts: 232
Joined: Wed Jun 05, 2019 2:50 pm
Location: Canada
Contact:

Re: The End to Slavery

Post by Poet » Fri Jul 24, 2020 12:41 pm

Thanks I will! I've sent this poem before it has been through some revisions, thanks for the review though.

User avatar
springchic1979
Posts: 15
Joined: Sat Aug 01, 2020 2:11 am

Re: The End to Slavery

Post by springchic1979 » Mon Aug 03, 2020 4:50 pm

Hello from 'across the pond'

First I wanted to let you know I can definitely feel the anger you are trying to portray. I also understand why you have chosen to write such an emotional piece as this subject seems to be all over the media these days. I am glad a subject can touch someone so much so far away that they feel the need to offer support in anyway that they can.

However, might I kindly ask you to consider that we (here in the US) actually have a really big problem with our news and the stories which they are putting out purposely leave out certain facts because it causes more of an emotional reaction that way.

Here is just one example for you to consider. I live in a certain southern state and we were not having any problems...then all of a sudden we had an influx of people coming from out of state to protest in our downtown area. News wont report where the protesters are coming from..just that there are protesters. (side note: There are websites where you can sign up to be a professional protester and get paid for it.)

I do not have to agree with the subject of the poem to understand or appreciate the point of view or emotion of the writer. It is an emotional piece...one that ignites passion about the subject.

I do appreciate a different view point. It opens my eyes and my mind and makes me consider that which I may not have before.

respectfully,
YDS

Post Reply