The Grate Communicator (was The Art of ...)

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NotQuiteSure
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The Grate Communicator (was The Art of ...)

Post by NotQuiteSure » Tue Apr 21, 2020 3:29 pm

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The Grate Communicator


Words, said the Trumpety, mean what I say,
meaning tomorrow's not meaning today;

for I know words, I have the best words
and it's sad when you say that I don't. Absurd.


To the Trumpety bigly also means barely,
a great deal's tradeable with most unfairly,

honour's fugacious, honesty rare,
fidelity
means to pay for affairs.

So, if you by ill-luck or simple location
are trapped* by the Trumpety in conversation

then always remember tremendous is small
and when he says true he means nothing at all.

******

*Please forgive me appearing priggish or fussy
but morally I feel an onus, a duty
to issue a warning of sanguine pellucidity:
ware the Trumpety grabbing your family
viewing means some words I have to omit.




_______________



v2
The Art of the Deal

Words, said Trumpety, mean what I say,
meaning tomorrow's not meaning today;

for I know words, I have the best words
it's sad when you say I don't. Absurd.

Cos when I say 'bigly', my meaning is 'barely',
and for a 'good deal' exchange 'unfairly';

'classy' will tell you that I'm selling you 'cheap',
that when I say 'tough', I'm signalling 'weak';

by 'see you in court' I'm saying 'I'll settle',
history shows you the worth of my metal.

Honour's fugacious, honesty rare,
'fidelity' means 'to pay for affairs';

'simple' and 'easy' - 'tremendously hard',
for meaning's negotiable dealing in words.

Remember, if 'great' you need to hear 'small'
and when I say 'true' I mean nothing at all.




_______________




The Art of the Deal


Words, said Trumpety mean what I say,
meaning tomorrow's not meaning today;

for I know words, I have the best words
and claims that I don't are covfefe absurd.

See, when I say 'bigly', my meaning is 'barely',
and by a 'good deal', I mean 'most unfairly';

like when I say 'tough', I'm telling you 'weak',
or when I say 'classy' I'm selling you 'cheap',

by 'see you in court' I'm saying 'I'll settle',
history shows you the worth of my mettle.

Honour's fugacious, honesty rare,
'fidelity' means 'to pay for affairs',

and I can't believe you are finding this hard,
I negotiate toughly when I deal in words.

Like when I say 'great' what I mean is 'small'
or when I say 'true', I mean nothing at all.



.
Last edited by NotQuiteSure on Mon May 04, 2020 1:27 pm, edited 21 times in total.

ton321
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Re: The Art of the Deal

Post by ton321 » Wed Apr 22, 2020 12:30 am

Not,
Good choice of form with couplets to emphasize the dual/ duplicitous nature of the subject. Brings to mind the double-speak of Orwell's Big brother also.
Only fault is the weak rhyme in couplet seven, unless this was deliberate? Nice one,
Tony
Counting the beats,
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.

Robert Graves

TrevorConway
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Re: The Art of the Deal

Post by TrevorConway » Wed Apr 22, 2020 10:19 am

Hey Not,

I like many of the ideas here, and I think the rhyme scheme works well for the subject (I don't mind the half-rhyme of hard/words). I think the tone could be closer to Trumps actual speech, though, and I fo? It'll be clear from the start that you're using Trump's POV if you try to match his tone/speech pattern more closely. As regards any weak points to consider deleting or revising, the second and second-last verses felt a bit weaker than the rest. I really like how it ends, by the way.

ps. You'll have to use the word "tremendous" somewhere :D , or even as the title (though the current title is decent, I think).

All the best,

T
NotQuiteSure wrote:
Tue Apr 21, 2020 3:29 pm
.
The Art of the Deal


Words, said Trumpety mean what I say,
meaning tomorrow's not meaning today;

for I know words, I have the best words
and claims that I don't are coveffe absurd.

See, when I say 'bigly', my meaning is 'barely',
and by a 'good deal', I mean 'most unfairly';

like when I say 'tough', I'm telling you 'weak',
or when I say 'classy' I'm selling you 'cheap',

by 'see you in court' I'm saying 'I'll settle',
history shows you the worth of my mettle.

Honour's fugacious, honesty rare,
'fidelity' means 'to pay for affairs',

and I can't believe you are finding this hard,
I negotiate toughly when I deal in words.

Like when I say 'great' what I mean is 'small'
or when I say 'true', I mean nothing at all.



.

penguin
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Re: The Art of the Deal

Post by penguin » Fri Apr 24, 2020 9:58 am

Well done. Wasn't it covefe? I only wonder that it's so short. You must have a fine editor.

NotQuiteSure
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Re: The Art of the Deal

Post by NotQuiteSure » Fri Apr 24, 2020 10:49 am

.
Hi Tony, Travor, Penguin.
Thanks all, appreciate your time and comments.

Tony, yes the weak rhyme was deliberate, not sure if it works, but had to give it a go.

Trevor, closer to Trumps actual speech - I did think about that but didn't have the stomach for the research. :)
(I did use a direct quote S2 - L3 (apart from 'for') - did that make it a 'weaker verse'? :) )

Penguin, covefe? No, but then it wasn't coveffe either :) Oops, have changed.


Regards, Not.


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TrevorConway
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Re: The Art of the Deal

Post by TrevorConway » Fri Apr 24, 2020 2:00 pm

Hi Not,

No, it was more the "covefe absurd" that put me off there; I quite like the direct quote, and more in that vein/tone/odd grammar (though ideally not all actual quotes) would be great, I think.

T
NotQuiteSure wrote:
Fri Apr 24, 2020 10:49 am
.
Hi Tony, Travor, Penguin.
Thanks all, appreciate your time and comments.

Tony, yes the weak rhyme was deliberate, not sure if it works, but had to give it a go.

Trevor, closer to Trumps actual speech - I did think about that but didn't have the stomach for the research. :)
(I did use a direct quote S2 - L3 (apart from 'for') - did that make it a 'weaker verse'? :) )

Penguin, covefe? No, but then it wasn't coveffe either :) Oops, have changed.


Regards, Not.


.

NotQuiteSure
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Re: The Art of the Deal

Post by NotQuiteSure » Fri Apr 24, 2020 2:53 pm

.
Hi Trevor,
OK, I've cancelled your covfefe (and got some version of 'tremendous' in :) )
v2 up.


Regards, Not

.

TrevorConway
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Re: The Art of the Deal

Post by TrevorConway » Sat Apr 25, 2020 8:04 am

Yep, definitely better, in my opinion. Looking at it all again and thinking of why I feel it doesn't match Trump's voice, I think the main thing is that he is essentially admitting the things he does. If he tried to defend himself or blatantly state what he does as if it's just fine, it would fit Trump better, I'd say. For example, how about something like

The Art of the Deal, by President of the United States Donald Trump

Words, I say, mean what I say.
When I say tomorrow, I could mean today;

I know words, I have the best words
it's sad when you say I don't. Absurd.

When I say bigly, maybe I mean barely.
All my deals are good, even those done unfairly;

Classy is what all my critics call cheap,
you gotta be tough, or else you're just weak.

I'll see you in court, but hey, let's settle.
If anything, I've proven the worth of my metal.

...etc.

NotQuiteSure wrote:
Fri Apr 24, 2020 2:53 pm
.
Hi Trevor,
OK, I've cancelled your covfefe (and got some version of 'tremendous' in :) )
v2 up.


Regards, Not

.

NotQuiteSure
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Re: The Art of the Deal (v2)

Post by NotQuiteSure » Sat Apr 25, 2020 12:23 pm

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Thanks Trevor,
but if I go down that route I lose the last line.
(I was trying to find a balance somewhere between Trump and Humpty in Alice ... still teetering).
OK, teetered. Here's v4.

Regards, Not

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