Ghost-Meat

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ton321
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Ghost-Meat

Post by ton321 » Fri Apr 17, 2020 12:15 am

Ghost-Meat( revision)

You scroll down the online menu
of your favourite Curry House,
Onion Bahji, Vegetable pakora,
Prawn paratha, then you see
the strange subtitle-Ghost Meat,
above the minced chicken kebabs,
and shish kebabs, a misnomer,
mistranslation, but somewhow correct;
the evisceration of flesh,
meat thats been put through the wringer,
the mangle, the mincer.

Would it just have a soft tinged smell,
nothing more or less than anything else
that had recently died?

Would it be like tripe,
greyish, or white coloured,
and strange as the deep-sea fish
the Japanese tsunami brought up
from the unfathomable depths

and sit on our plates,
an upheavel of the spirit
in digestable form?



Ghost-Meat

You scroll down the online menu
of your favourite Curry House,
Onion Bahji, Vegetable Pakora,
Prawn Paratha.
Suddenly you see
the strange subtitle-
ghost meat,

above the minced chicken kebabs,
Shish kebabs, a misnomer,
mis-translation, but somehow correct;

the evisceration of flesh,
meat that's been put through the wringer,
the mangle, the mincer.

Would it smell of haunted houses,
an approaching of the liminal,
a dream of after scent, residue
of the forgotten?

Would it be the colour of tripe,
greyish, or white coloured,
and strange as the deep-sea fish
the Japanese tsunami brought up
from the tectonic plates?

Would it sit on our small plates,
an upheavel of the spirit
in digestable form?
Last edited by ton321 on Wed Apr 22, 2020 12:08 am, edited 2 times in total.
Counting the beats,
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.

Robert Graves

ray miller
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Re: Ghost-Meat

Post by ray miller » Fri Apr 17, 2020 8:19 am

Nice idea. I'm wondering what it was a mis-translation of. Maybe "but somehow correct" is better as "but perhaps correct". The haunted houses line seems out of kilter with the rest, too jokey -if that's a word. I think your spellchecker nodded off at the last two lines - upheaval, digestible.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.

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Perry
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Re: Ghost-Meat

Post by Perry » Fri Apr 17, 2020 9:29 pm

I like this poem. It makes sense and flows smoothly. My only complaint is that the ending stanza strikes me as a little weak. I'd like to see you draw something more profound from finding "ghost meat" on a menu.

Would it be the colour of tripe,
greyish, or white coloured,

"Colour" twice doesn't work for me. How about this?

Would it be the colour of tripe,
greyish, or white like sheets,
and strange as the deep-sea fish
the Japanese tsunami brought up
from the tectonic plates?
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.

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JJWilliamson
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Re: Ghost-Meat

Post by JJWilliamson » Sat Apr 18, 2020 9:06 am

An eye-catcher of a poem, Tony, and one that held my attention all the way through. How VERY interesting.

"Ghost meat" sounds bloody awful, but I suppose it's better than "shite meat".

The others have made some sound points
ton321 wrote:
Fri Apr 17, 2020 12:15 am
Ghost meat

You scroll down the online menu
of your favourite Curry House,
Onion Bahji, Vegetable Pakora,
Prawn Paratha.
Suddenly you see
the strange subtitle-
ghost meat,

above the minced chicken kebabs,
Shish kebabs, a misnomer,
mis-translation, but somehow correct;

the evisceration of flesh,
meat that's been put through the wringer,
the mangle, the mincer.

Would it smell of haunted houses, :) ...Now this smell is unfamiliar to me. How about "rotten horses".
an approaching of the liminal,
a dream of after scent, residue
of the forgotten?

Would it be the colour of tripe,
greyish, or white coloured,
and strange as the deep-sea fish
the Japanese tsunami brought up
from the tectonic plates? ...That pretty much covers the entire world. Would "depths" suffice?

Would it sit on our small plates,
an upheavel of the spirit
in digestable form? ...Ray mentioned the typos.
I particularly enjoyed the theme, feeling this really did happen.

Best

JJ
Long time a child and still a child

ton321
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Re: Ghost-Meat

Post by ton321 » Tue Apr 21, 2020 11:47 pm

Thanks Ray, Perry , JJ for the comments/suggestions, and pointing-out of spelling mistakes. Thanks ray, for the suggestions. Perry- this is still a poem in progress- i haven't worked out what it means yet, but it does need something else, I agree. JJ, thanks for your input, glad you found it interesting- it was on the menu, so to speak, but found in translation,
Tony
Counting the beats,
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.

Robert Graves

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Re: Ghost-Meat

Post by NotQuiteSure » Fri Apr 24, 2020 4:27 pm

.
Hi Tony,
great title, and an intriguing write (even with the persistent misspellings :) ).
Not that keen on the 2nd person opening, could it begin
Scrolling down the ... ?
I'm a bit confused as to how a sub-title (for what exactly, the Prawns?) can be 'above'.
Do you need 'strange'?


Scrolling down the online menu
past the Onion Bhaji, Vegetable
Pakora, Prawn Paratha,
a subtitle - Ghost Meat -
captures the attention, a translation,
incorporeal, doubtful, but
somehow correct, an evisceration
of meaning, amongst the minced chicken
and shish kebabs.

I think it should be 'will' not would (for the rest)

Will it have a soft tinged smell, nothing
more or less than anything else
that has recently died?
Will it be almost fresh?

Will it be like tripe, greyish,
or white and strange as the deep
-sea fish the tsunami brought up?

Will it sit on our plates,
an upheaval of spirit
in digestible form?


Regards, Not


.

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