Dome of Myrtle - V3 (was Myrtle)

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bjondon
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Dome of Myrtle - V3 (was Myrtle)

Post by bjondon » Thu Oct 31, 2019 3:37 pm

The dome of myrtle
is bee-louder than last year
A haystack speaker
alive with self-noise



V2

Dome of myrtle
Bee-louder than ever!

Haystack speaker!
You're alive with self sound



V1

the dome of myrtle
bee-louder than last year
haystack speaker
alive with self sound
Last edited by bjondon on Thu Nov 14, 2019 4:13 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Macavity
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Re: Myrtle

Post by Macavity » Fri Nov 01, 2019 7:31 am

bjondon wrote:
Thu Oct 31, 2019 3:37 pm
the dome of myrtle
bee-louder than last year
haystack speaker
alive with self sound
There is often something I can appreciate in a poem - without chasing meaning. Here L2 is a splendid line - infact I could live with L1/L2 to be the poem, though your intent is otherwise.

best

mac

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Re: Myrtle

Post by Firebird » Fri Nov 01, 2019 8:23 am

Ok Jules, here comes my effort at an interp. Please excuse if way off. See below.

bjondon wrote:
Thu Oct 31, 2019 3:37 pm
the dome of myrtle (Is this the moaning Myrtle in Harry Potter? Im doubting it, but thought I’d ask just in case. I’m going to assume ‘dome’ refers to the arch of her life)
bee-louder than last year (bee-louder is a nice pun)
haystack speaker (Haystacks are full of last year’s dead grass. Is she speaking of lives past?)
alive with self sound (this sounds solipsistic. Is the haystack her own mind? Not really sure.)
I think a few more clues might help.

Cheers,

Tristan

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Re: Dome of Myrtle - V3 (was Myrtle)

Post by bjondon » Wed Nov 13, 2019 4:18 pm

Thanks mac and Tristan,
myrtle is symbolic of somany things - it seems to inspire a particular plant/human affinity.
This certainly starts out as just straight nature observation (with a cheeky Yeatsian pun) - a bit haiku-ish with perhaps some reverse engineered gnomic aspirations.

Tristan - I've only read the first Harry Potter - does Moaning Myrtle put in an appearance? …was she the ghost in the girls' toilet? I do remember Edward Lear rhyming 'turtlle' with 'slopes of myrtle' in his Yonghy Bonghy Bo. Post ad hoc research reveals that the Greeks crowned their poets with myrtle. The Romans chose myrtle to signify victory in a bloodless conflict; the bloody ones being awarded a laurel crown.

'self sound' is the curse of all audiophiles (though 'self-noise' is the more usual term) … so there is a hint of solipsism here.
I iimagine the 'dome' as being perhaps a giant head (my own, the world's) as well as just the bush/tree, a speaker and a haystack.
"Hey stack-speaker" could be an address to a poet, so the tone is half ironic, half serious self-congratulation/celebration of maturity . . . though in my V3 I have toned down that whole line.
There really were at least 100 bees at any one time occupying our splendid myrtle for 3 or 4 weeks this summer . . . a positive sign and essentially an optimistic piece.

mac - it's funny how certain phrases resonate. Pleased you like this.
I tried (in V2) opening to more of a punning exhortation, but have gone back to the more modest and localized version, with an added 'like' and a slight change in form.

Regards,
Jules

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Re: Dome of Myrtle - V3 (was Myrtle)

Post by Macavity » Thu Nov 14, 2019 6:40 am

Hey stack-speaker" could be an address to a poet, so the tone is half ironic, half serious self-congratulation/celebration of maturity
This is very buried Jules, especially since you have fixed the image of the myrtle and bees into the reader's mind.
self sound' is the curse of all audiophiles (though 'self-noise' is the more usual term)
and that is so deep down the mine...

best

mac

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Re: Dome of Myrtle - V3 (was Myrtle)

Post by bjondon » Thu Nov 14, 2019 4:20 pm

'noise' can be pejorative, but I think you're right, amending to 'sound' obscured the intended reference.

They have split into two poems really, with a quite different tone (both accordingly tweaked)

J

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