Different Stations

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NotQuiteSure
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Different Stations

Post by NotQuiteSure » Tue Aug 13, 2019 12:55 pm

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Different Stations


I never understood
how you could fall asleep
with the radio on.

Now I wonder
if you weren't trying to
fill the silence of an empty bed.





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Last edited by NotQuiteSure on Tue Aug 13, 2019 2:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Joao
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Re: Different Stations

Post by Joao » Tue Aug 13, 2019 1:58 pm

Very nice, Not. Shouldn't you have 'weren't' before 'trying to'. The absent spouse seems to be the object here, but in my first reading, I also detected a hint of the sexually inept spouse, which also fits the imagery nicely.

Enjoyed!

NotQuiteSure
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Re: Different Stations

Post by NotQuiteSure » Tue Aug 13, 2019 2:19 pm

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Hi Joao,
thanks for catching that. Don't know what happened :)

Regards, Not

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JJWilliamson
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Re: Different Stations

Post by JJWilliamson » Tue Aug 13, 2019 2:33 pm

Hi, Not

I suppose the question is who is the speaker addressing? It could be to anyone and that's where my dilemma lies.

S1 is a good, strong intro' and the title supports it very well.

S2 is a tad vague as it could be about anything, from the loss of a spouse, child, friend, mother/father etc
to a divorce or the moving on of a child. A bit more meat on the bone, please.

Otherwise, it held my attention all the way. I like these short verses.

Best

JJ
Long time a child and still a child

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Re: Different Stations

Post by Macavity » Wed Aug 14, 2019 4:39 am

Trying? Perhaps success if at least one person had sleep :) Agree with JJ, S1 and title deliver the set-up, but S2 lacks bite. Perhaps it is the indecisive 'wonder'. Or perhaps the person is lying awake wondering?

Suggestion for a more defined progression of thought and circumstance:
Now I listen
trying to fill the empty bed
of this silence
cheers

mac

NotQuiteSure
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Re: Different Stations

Post by NotQuiteSure » Wed Aug 14, 2019 11:24 am

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Hi JJ, mac.

Thanks for the read.

There's supposed to be an implicit 'like I am' at the end of S2, but evidently that's not coming through.

Thanks for the rewrite mac, it's a little too 'defined' for me, but will let it simmer for a while.

Regards, Not

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Re: Different Stations

Post by bjondon » Wed Aug 14, 2019 11:57 am

I'm going to vote for 'as is'. Really like the delicious ambiguity of this that speaks to the deep angsty 'who am I?' 'what is this?' void that can haunt that lying-in-bed 'prison' - the need to shut down thought, the way all life's problems can flock into this little waiting room (another 'station' ref?), whether cracks in relationships, grief, loneliness or just the sheer chatter of an overactive insomniac brain.
S1 - the initial understanding of 'you' as probably addressed to a partner needs the slight muddying of S2 to send us back to dig deeper . . . the 'you' can also be the impersonal 'one' i.e. the N remembering an ex or a parent doing this because now they are doing it themself (p.s. I got this before your last post Not).
The main reading I get is of someone lying in bed thinking back over an old relationship, and now questioning their own role in its failure. There is a kind of misdirection/subreading that this is about a bereavement - but I see it more as about two people in bed, but one not really being there, somehow absenting themself from the relationship. It has happened once before where the N was the absentee. Now it's happening again the other way around.

Jules
Last edited by bjondon on Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

NotQuiteSure
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Re: Different Stations

Post by NotQuiteSure » Wed Aug 14, 2019 12:59 pm

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Bloody hell Jules,
did I only think I wrote this, but actually it's yours! Original inspiration and the the 'shift' to the 'main reading' - scary dude - and I didn't get the 'waiting room', but now you say it ...


Respect, regards (and thanks for the vote), Not.



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bjondon
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Re: Different Stations

Post by bjondon » Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:41 pm

Glad I hit the nail Not :)
I suppose there are lots of reasons for being a 'night owl', but it always struck me as a sort of holiday from your life.
J

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stuartryder
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Re: Different Stations

Post by stuartryder » Wed Aug 21, 2019 5:23 pm

Nice; brevity is achieved. I did wonder if bringing it all into the present tense might lend it extra intensity and relateable and challenges the reader finding themselves in a similar predicament..? Just my thoughts.

Thanks - nice work.

Stuart

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Re: Different Stations

Post by NotQuiteSure » Thu Aug 22, 2019 10:31 am

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Hi Stuart,
thanks for the read, and suggestion.
Will ponder.

Regards, Not.


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1lankest
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Re: Different Stations

Post by 1lankest » Sat Aug 24, 2019 7:15 am

A nice epigram, NOT. Reads like a line from a Graham Green character.
The interesting question is: how does N know the radio was on if the bed (presumably N’s departed) is empty and they are no longer there? Either that, or the empty bed is that of another?

Luke

NotQuiteSure
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Re: Different Stations

Post by NotQuiteSure » Sat Aug 24, 2019 2:28 pm

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Hi Luke,
1lankest wrote:
Sat Aug 24, 2019 7:15 am
The interesting question ...
I couldn't possibly comment :)

Thanks for the read.

Regards, Not


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Re: Different Stations

Post by Alexander71 » Mon Sep 09, 2019 11:00 am

I have two readings of this. Without metaphor, the Narrator and Subject occupy separate beds (different physical stations) although even this picks up an allusion to S and N being on different wavelengths. With metaphor the N and S occupy the bed, one tuned to a radio station and the other tuned to a metaphorically implied internal station; the empty bed is reconciled by the N going to bed after S has fallen asleep or empty is a metaphorical reference to emotional absence.
The choice of ‘weren’t’ suggests S wasn’t trying to address the differences and swings the reader’s sympathy towards the N (at least until one remembers there may be numerous unwritten circumstances here as well) and supports the reading with metaphors. Had you used ‘were’ the reader’s sympathy would have been more immediately shared between the parties or even hinted towards the S.
It is the type of short poem that I really like. While the doubt introduced by wondering in S2 gives a vagueness to the thought I can live with that - introducing certainty e.g. Now I realise/you weren’t trying to/… becomes a more assertive and perhaps judgemental poem but may not reflect the middle ground into which the N is straying. Also I use ‘wonder’ quite a bit myself so it must be OK!

NotQuiteSure
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Re: Different Stations

Post by NotQuiteSure » Mon Sep 09, 2019 11:56 am

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Hi Alex,
thanks for the read.
Appreciate the support for 'wonder' :)
(though willing to consider alternatives).
Regards, Not


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