the Voice from the Postcards

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lotus
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the Voice from the Postcards

Post by lotus » Mon Sep 10, 2018 9:40 am

the Voice from the Postcards-©-silent_lotus.png
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“A poem should have the touch ... the way sunlight falls on Braille.” .......silent lotus

Ravallion
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Re: the Voice from the Postcards

Post by Ravallion » Mon Sep 10, 2018 10:48 am

Wistful. Is the opening line original? If so I recommend not making it a separate part as if a quote from a third party.

Since we're given only two attributes of "her" , they should be powerful, succinct and unequivocally bold.

Her love......imposter. Good. Does not carry over with her accent. I suggest you choose the more meaningful of the two, or other attributes entirely.

It's difficult to associate "accent" ,and here, I'm assuming you mean a dialectical accent, with the surety of a leopard at rest in an orange grove.

However I love the leopard in the grove. It's the heart of the poem to me.

Op cit the posters in telephone poles, the lost love, perhaps a summer love of a girl not from the local population.

Take or discard as you see fit. It's certainly an excellent premise

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Re: the Voice from the Postcards

Post by 1lankest » Mon Sep 10, 2018 4:50 pm

How are you using ‘ayre’ here, Lotus?

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Re: the Voice from the Postcards

Post by lotus » Tue Sep 11, 2018 7:21 am

1lankest wrote:
Mon Sep 10, 2018 4:50 pm
How are you using ‘ayre’ here, Lotus?

a look,fashion, appearance, demeanor
“A poem should have the touch ... the way sunlight falls on Braille.” .......silent lotus

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Re: the Voice from the Postcards

Post by lotus » Sat Sep 15, 2018 8:47 am

Ravallion wrote:
Mon Sep 10, 2018 10:48 am

Wistful. Is the opening line original? If so I recommend not making it a separate part as if a quote from a third party.
dear Ravallion

a fascinating discussion about the opening line being original or not.

if one overhears it .....one may wonder if that feels as original experience

and also if it was something original from the person who said it

or if the speaker had it from somewhere else


why do you feel the opening line should not loiter on its own
if it is does fit the criteria of 'original' ?


i'm grateful for your raising this point of reference

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silent lotus
“A poem should have the touch ... the way sunlight falls on Braille.” .......silent lotus

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Re: the Voice from the Postcards

Post by lotus » Wed Sep 19, 2018 5:48 am

Ravallion wrote:
Mon Sep 10, 2018 10:48 am

It's difficult to associate "accent" ,and here, I'm assuming you mean a dialectical accent, with the surety of a leopard at rest in an orange grove.
dear Ravallion

indeed a language accent
that can not be disguised by camouflage

silent lotus
“A poem should have the touch ... the way sunlight falls on Braille.” .......silent lotus

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Re: the Voice from the Postcards

Post by Macavity » Thu Sep 20, 2018 7:05 am

Hi SL,
To quote an expression, to blossom and fold inwards , the former is hooking my interest - the repetitive posters on poles and the leopard in an orange grove - but the internalised significance is buried for accent and ayre of lineage.

Her love is not an imposter is plain enough.
The sense of familiar in deja vu (my accents are missing :) ) proving true - a link to love.

But those telephone lines of communication, that road to summer, clouded by opaque expressions and choice of diction - in particular hair the air of lineage (are air/Ayer the same sound?).

I don't feel the poster is an imposter, but that fold inwards needs to unknot some thread :)

cheers

mac

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Re: the Voice from the Postcards

Post by lotus » Fri Sep 21, 2018 8:13 am

Macavity wrote:
Thu Sep 20, 2018 7:05 am

But those telephone lines of communication, that road to summer, clouded by opaque expressions and choice of diction - in particular hair the air of lineage (are air/Ayer the same sound?).


cheers

mac

have a listen Ayer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64VEaLtH-1A

and while you do i will respond a bit more

a warm smile
silent lotus
“A poem should have the touch ... the way sunlight falls on Braille.” .......silent lotus

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Re: the Voice from the Postcards

Post by lotus » Mon Sep 24, 2018 6:46 am

Macavity wrote:
Thu Sep 20, 2018 7:05 am
Hi SL,
To quote an expression, to blossom and fold inwards , the former is hooking my interest - the repetitive posters on poles and the leopard in an orange grove - but the internalised significance is buried for accent and ayre of lineage.

Her love is not an imposter is plain enough.
The sense of familiar in deja vu (my accents are missing :) ) proving true - a link to love.

But those telephone lines of communication, that road to summer, clouded by opaque expressions and choice of diction - in particular hair the air of lineage (are air/Ayer the same sound?).

I don't feel the poster is an imposter, but that fold inwards needs to unknot some thread :)

cheers

mac
dear Mac

a lovely expression that in itself feels as a poem
"but that fold inwards needs to unknot some thread"

i agree that more thread needs to be exposed
yet as is so often the case in life
we are offered to observe/overhear
post card like excerpts ... momentary flashes of inclusiveness
and then with the richness of a rainbow it is all gone

we are left with an archive of bits and pieces
some soon leave our consciousness
others loiter in our mind
and fill parts of the
jigsaw puzzel
that at some
unknown
moment
comes to
appear
more
and
more
c
o
m
p
l
e
t
e



Mac your participation
is also one of those wonderful puzzle pieces
that allows the poem to go on


a warm smile
silent lotus


`
“A poem should have the touch ... the way sunlight falls on Braille.” .......silent lotus

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