Romeo and Juliet Redux

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RCJames
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Romeo and Juliet Redux

Post by RCJames » Wed May 16, 2018 2:53 pm

Poppin’ off at each other, cuddies were,
young kinky murrr! to a snoopy neighbor,
nasty shit-hounds worryin’ a preacher.
Hid out from a peepin’ nose-head stalker,
blown away by each other, hearts full jar,
gave each other a dose of neon blue.
Fam’lies pissed as tom's in a gay cat bar,
the twosome jumped up with a deadly clue,
blotter mixed with dizzy supah el-bleen,
yah, was gonna cool out their chill heart thang.
way too zonk, the cocktail, super-bad spleen,
turned both their lights to endless midnight blang.

Dressed formal for the hook-up, down for night,
eternity over them, laid-out tight.

cuddies – family/kinfolk
murrr! – young whelp/brat
neon blue – bliss
blotter – pure LSD
el bleen – pure Afghan heroin
blang – darkness/nothing/blank
hook-up – wedding
down – ready


(original)
Poppin’ off at each other, kinfolk were,
nasty coon-hounds worryin’ a poacher,
young frisky whelp to a nasty neighbor.
Hid away from peepin’ nosy stalkers,
they found refuge inside a dream bell jar,
gave each other a dose of neon blue,
fam’lies pissed as tom's in a gay cat bar.
With the mad potion complications grew;
blue cube acid mixed with pure rock cocaine,
sad fears would be relieved, they’d start anew.
far-out, spacy, the cocktail brought dark pain,
fulsome lights turned endless black from the brew,

formally dressed for hook-up, down for night,
virginal; eternity draped them tight.
Last edited by RCJames on Wed Jul 11, 2018 8:48 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Macavity
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Re: Amour Bummer - R&J Redux

Post by Macavity » Sun May 20, 2018 4:31 pm

A Sonnet! The trip starts high ends low - a drugs tale. The key line seemed to be they found refuge inside a dream bell jar. I read that the reason, or excuse, were the nasty coon-hounds. Not sure what the title means.

best

mac

RCJames
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Re: Amour Bummer - R&J Redux

Post by RCJames » Sun May 20, 2018 6:05 pm

Macavity - Thanks for your look - meant as a playful parody of Romeo and Juliet in modern street/drug jargon - "coon hounds" is a little
out of synch with the rest - but had to leave the project before dementia set in - RC

they found refuge inside a dream bell jar. I think you're right, is the key passage, - suits the R&J tale and situation.

1lankest
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Re: Amour Bummer - R&J Redux

Post by 1lankest » Mon May 21, 2018 4:33 pm

Really impressed with this. Totally got the neo-Shakespearean thing. And the parody element doesn’t render it flippant. The vernacular sounds like the English Midlands, which engaged me a lot. Grit and grime with a hint of music. V nice.

Title baffled me too.

L

RCJames
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Romeo and Juliet Redux

Post by RCJames » Mon May 21, 2018 6:49 pm

1lankest - Glad you enjoyed it - interesting you place the dialect as British Midlands - I'm from New Hampshire and have always been
intrigued by a similarity in the old-timer's NH accent - "Ayuh - I 'spose whut we oughta do is ta check on the heffuhz in the fah meddow."
Borrowed to some degree from the British I think.


the title probably should be - Romeo and Juliet Redux - RC

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Re: Romeo and Juliet Redux

Post by RCJames » Wed Jul 11, 2018 8:49 pm

Revision - title changed to Romeo & Juliet - Redux

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lotus
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Re: Romeo and Juliet Redux

Post by lotus » Sun Sep 09, 2018 9:48 am

RCJames wrote:
Mon May 21, 2018 6:49 pm
1lankest - Glad you enjoyed it - interesting you place the dialect as British Midlands - I'm from New Hampshire and have always been
intrigued by a similarity in the old-timer's NH accent - "Ayuh - I 'spose whut we oughta do is ta check on the heffuhz in the fah meddow."
Borrowed to some degree from the British I think.


the title probably should be - Romeo and Juliet Redux - RC
dear RC

thankyuuuu
you have brought back early 70's memories
of stays on Bear Island in Lake Winnipesaukee

silent lotus
“A poem should have the touch ... the way sunlight falls on Braille.” .......silent lotus

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