Walking Into Beauty

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churinga
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Walking Into Beauty

Post by churinga » Thu Apr 26, 2018 10:57 pm

Walking Into Beauty

Clouds mass like voices.
Fish swirl and imitate the rocks.
Waves preach an endless sermon, saying,

Listen now, listen, we’re kneeling, why not you?

The wind meets no resistance
The ocean reflects triangles of lesser light.
Homes star in the lowering dark.

Macavity
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Re: Walking Into Beauty

Post by Macavity » Mon Apr 30, 2018 6:13 pm

Waves preach an endless sermon
I think that is an inventive, lovely notion Ross.

cheers

mac

1lankest
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Re: Walking Into Beauty

Post by 1lankest » Tue May 01, 2018 9:15 am

Agreed, Mac. Enjoyed this, Ross. Struggling picture kneeling waves, however. Love the final line.

L

NotQuiteSure
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Re: Walking Into Beauty

Post by NotQuiteSure » Tue May 01, 2018 1:12 pm

[tab][/tab]
Hi churinga.

Some terrific lines, particularly L3 and L7,
though, if you're italicizing L4 I don't think
you need 'saying' in L3.

For me L4 is the weakest line, I think I get
kneeling (the breaking wave folding/bending
over) but sonically/rhythmically the line
doesn't sound have any wave-like 'qualities'.

Regards, Not.
[tab][/tab]

churinga
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Re: Walking Into Beauty

Post by churinga » Tue May 01, 2018 10:41 pm

Thanks Mac and David for your appreciation.

Not, I used a lot of alliteration which i hope strengthens the sense of the repititious nature of waves. The dialogue is all the poet's own guilt, perhaps 'saying' is too suggestive that it is the sound of the waves prompting that idea. I'm glad you liked the last line. The poem is several years old but the last line was new.

cheers

Ross

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Re: Walking Into Beauty

Post by David » Wed May 02, 2018 5:18 pm

I think you're thanking Luke, not me, Ross. No matter. I like this too.

Cheers

David

churinga
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Re: Walking Into Beauty

Post by churinga » Wed May 02, 2018 8:54 pm

Apologies Luke, I have cataracts so live in a mild fog.

Joao
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Re: Walking Into Beauty

Post by Joao » Thu May 03, 2018 12:57 pm

Lovely poem. Would 'why don't you?' perhaps sound better than 'why not you?' ?

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Re: Walking Into Beauty

Post by 1lankest » Thu May 03, 2018 2:06 pm

No problem! I too am acquainted with the fog...

churinga
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Re: Walking Into Beauty

Post by churinga » Thu May 03, 2018 6:53 pm

Hi Joao
Thanks for your suggestion, I'm thinking about it.
Ross

RCJames
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Re: Walking Into Beauty

Post by RCJames » Wed May 09, 2018 2:20 pm

[quote="churinga"]Walking Into Beauty

Clouds mass like voices.
Fish swirl and imitate the rocks. -----these two lines are particularly inventive and appealing
Waves preach an endless sermon, saying,

Listen now, listen, we’re kneeling, why not you? -------------Why not? enjoyed this - a nice fresh breeze of imagery - RC

churinga
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Re: Walking Into Beauty

Post by churinga » Wed May 09, 2018 9:09 pm

Thank you James, glad you liked it.

Joao
I have thought about your suggestion but will stick with what I wrote, the 'not' alliterates with 'now'. And I think that helps the atmosphere.

Ross

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Re: Walking Into Beauty

Post by Joao » Thu May 10, 2018 12:15 pm

Good point, Ross - I hadn't noticed this. It does help.
churinga wrote: Joao
I have thought about your suggestion but will stick with what I wrote, the 'not' alliterates with 'now'. And I think that helps the atmosphere.

Ross

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