I do the dishes.

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churinga
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I do the dishes.

Post by churinga » Thu Mar 15, 2018 9:39 pm

I do the dishes.

New news, same radio.
New cup of coffee, same taste.
They say milk contains sugars
but it tastes like bones.

The news announcer speaks in a rush
as if we're all drowning.
I turn it off, now it's almost silent,
a few birds distantly calling.

My pen scratches along.
Birdsong louder now, almost a tune.
I haven't really done the dishes.
But I will, I will.
Last edited by churinga on Fri Mar 16, 2018 7:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Firebird
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Re: I do the dishes.

Post by Firebird » Fri Mar 16, 2018 9:45 am

I really like this. The plain, minimal language suits the topic well - the banality of everyday routines. I really like the first stanza. Excellent images and ideas. And the second stanza is good too. I also like stanza 3, but it is my least favourite and just possibly the poem may not need it. I think the poem works well without it, which is not to say it doesn’t work with it. For me though I think I prefer the poem without it.

Hope this helps.

Really nice poem.

Cheers,

Tristan

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Re: I do the dishes.

Post by 1lankest » Fri Mar 16, 2018 9:55 am

I like it too. And I think it does need S3 - it was my favourite.
sorry to be a pedant but I think it should be 'sugars' in this context. Lactose etc. Sugar implies the white granulated stuff!

L

churinga
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Re: I do the dishes.

Post by churinga » Fri Mar 16, 2018 7:02 pm

Thanks for your comment, Tristan, I can see how the last S might disappoint, I might scrap it but keep the 'I havn't really done the dishes' as a couplet.

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Re: I do the dishes.

Post by churinga » Fri Mar 16, 2018 7:04 pm

I did have 'sugars' and changed it just before posting. Will change it back. Thanks for your comment.

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Re: I do the dishes.

Post by Pauline » Fri Mar 16, 2018 7:37 pm

I wouldn't change a thing.
churinga wrote: New news, same radio.
New cup of coffee, same taste. Love these opening lines
They say milk contains sugars
but it tastes like bones.

The news announcer speaks in a rush
as if we're all drowning.
I turn it off, now it's almost silent,
a few birds distantly calling.

My pen scratches along.
Birdsong louder now, almost a tune.
I haven't really done the dishes. Love these closing lines too.
But I will, I will.
Firebird wrote:The plain, minimal language suits the topic well - the banality of everyday routines.
It does. Perfectly.
No nits at all from me.
The repeated I will is a great touch.

Nice to read you Churinga :)

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Re: I do the dishes.

Post by Arian » Fri Mar 16, 2018 7:42 pm

Very good. I much enjoyed the way you invoke a sense of guilt - is it? - for putting off chores while indulging your muse.

Are you the only person left alive who uses a pen?

What's your actual name? I haven't read your other posts, so sorry if I've missed it.

Cheers
Peter

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Re: I do the dishes.

Post by Macavity » Fri Mar 16, 2018 9:34 pm

Enjoyed too. The threads of sound, distance, sameness, distraction.
The news announcer speaks in a rush
as if we're all drowning.
Already known since L1 refers to news?

cheers

mac

churinga
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Re: I do the dishes.

Post by churinga » Fri Mar 16, 2018 11:56 pm

Thanks everyone for your comments, Macavity, thanks for noticing I wrote 'news' twice. Will try to fix that. My name is Ross Hamitlon Hill. I am new to this forum but have poems and illustrations online I'm in my 70's so not so creative these days. I am from Sydney, Australia.

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Re: I do the dishes.

Post by David » Sat Mar 17, 2018 9:37 am

Hello Ross! It is I, David, from the Eratosphere (although originally from here, which is more like home). You may know the mysterious Macavity from there too.

Very good poem.

Cheers

David

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Re: I do the dishes.

Post by churinga » Sat Mar 17, 2018 10:38 am

Hi David. Glad to meet you here, it's wonderful how the 'net can bring people together in this way.

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Re: I do the dishes.

Post by Jackie » Sat Mar 17, 2018 12:11 pm

Love it, how you cut out or dismiss every source of distraction or noise or tension, only to seek out a tune in the birdsong and do the dishes in your head. Perfect title.

Nice to meet you here.
Jackie

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Re: I do the dishes.

Post by JJWilliamson » Sat Mar 17, 2018 2:52 pm

Great poem with nary a nit in sight. Minor points only.
churinga wrote:I do the dishes.

New news, same radio.
New cup of coffee, same taste.
They say milk contains sugars
but it tastes like bones. ...Bones is a powerful image but is it a little overcooked? I'm also not linking the taste of milk with bones. I tend to think of chalk or gypsum as a constituent part of milk.

The news announcer speaks in a rush
as if we're all drowning.
I turn it off, now it's almost silent,
a few birds distantly calling.

My pen scratches along. ...I'm associating a 'scratching' pen with an italic nib or quill. Not that it matters much.
Birdsong louder now, almost a tune.
I haven't really done the dishes.
But I will, I will. ...Love the close and the entire poem.
Best

JJ
Long time a child and still a child

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Re: I do the dishes.

Post by David » Sat Mar 17, 2018 4:58 pm

Ross, I - like JJ - am puzzling a bit about the bones.

Cheers

David

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Re: I do the dishes.

Post by Firebird » Sat Mar 17, 2018 5:06 pm

I assumed that it was the calcium contained in both milk and bone that connected them. They are both white and milk can sometimes have a chalky favour that may taste like bone, too.

Cheers,

Tristan

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Re: I do the dishes.

Post by David » Sat Mar 17, 2018 5:28 pm

Firebird wrote:I assumed that it was the calcium contained in both milk and bone that connected them. They are both white and milk can sometimes have a chalky favour that may taste like bone, too.
That sounds both brilliant and right, Tristan. That must be it (pace Ross).

churinga
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Re: I do the dishes.

Post by churinga » Sat Mar 17, 2018 7:06 pm

Thanks for all your comments. I also thought 'bones' was a bit portentious but it is true. Milk tastes like bones, I make bone soup as stock, hence the association. The scratchy pen was a felt tip 'fineliner' used for drawing, it had dried out slightly.

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Re: I do the dishes.

Post by lotus » Fri Mar 23, 2018 9:53 am

churinga wrote:I do the dishes.

New news, same radio.
New cup of coffee, same taste.
They say milk contains sugars
but it tastes like bones.

The news announcer speaks in a rush
as if we're all drowning.
I turn it off, now it's almost silent,
a few birds distantly calling.

My pen scratches along.
Birdsong louder now, almost a tune.
I haven't really done the dishes.
But I will, I will.

dear churinga

your mention of pen is for me wonderfully enigmatic
for it offers many interpretations
the first for me is of a quill and an inkwell
and then a fountain pen
and then a ballpoint pen when the point is not exposed as the mind wanders in search of what to place on paper

from the the thread i've come to understand that you are in your 70's and i share that i have just achieved 66
and still have fond memories of journeying slowly from Cairns to Sydney circa 1990

a warm smile
silent lotus

`
“A poem should have the touch ... the way sunlight falls on Braille.” .......silent lotus

churinga
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Re: I do the dishes.

Post by churinga » Fri Mar 23, 2018 10:27 am

Thanks for your comment, I was in Cairns last year. It is, as always, very beautiful.

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