Haddock, responsibly caught.

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Haddock, responsibly caught.

Post by Ros » Sat Feb 11, 2017 6:25 pm

To object, on principle, to smoked fish
is fair enough, but to be pragmatic?
This afternoon has crept, half hour
by half hour, to dinner time. No further
choice remains. A half-moon rises
behind the garage and Loose Ends
washes from the radio. Blue heaven
is a world away and all we have
was stocked on Tesco’s shelves.
Let’s smoke some fish.
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Re: Haddock, responsibly caught.

Post by bodkin » Mon Feb 13, 2017 4:24 pm

There's some lovely phrases in this and the mood is good too...

...I'm just not sure there's quite enough (gestures obscurely) to (waves vaguely).

Maybe not enough story? Or not enough character?

It's like a beginning but not completed... if that makes sense?

Ian
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Re: Haddock, responsibly caught.

Post by JJWilliamson » Mon Feb 13, 2017 7:23 pm

Hi Ros

I expected an explanatory conclusion and didn't really get one. The last line was a puzzler.
Could have been a reference to some kind of dope/weed. Not sure.

The intro' made me smile but I wondered about 'pragmatic' and how you were using it.

Great title.

Best

JJ
Long time a child and still a child

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Re: Haddock, responsibly caught.

Post by Macavity » Mon Feb 13, 2017 7:41 pm

hi Ros,
perhaps an option is to thread verbs liked netted, anchored, trawled etc rather than is/was/have...or would that be too phoney?

best

mac

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Re: Haddock, responsibly caught.

Post by Arian » Mon Feb 13, 2017 7:56 pm

I love the characteristically relaxed tone of this, Ros, and the powerful implication of a profound subtext. Unfortunately, I'm missing what that subtext actually is. Too subtle for my clunky mind, I expect.

This:

A half-moon rises
behind the garage and Loose Ends
washes from the radio.

Is great.

On the other hand, I got a bit confused with the first 2 lines - is the poet inviting the reader to be pragmatic, or saying that it's wrong to object to being pragmatic? Or what?

Anyway, I really like the feel of it, and its sense of import, which are - aren't they? - hallmarks of a good poem?

Cheers
Peter

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Re: Haddock, responsibly caught.

Post by Ros » Tue Feb 14, 2017 8:39 am

Many thanks, all. Another one that needs more work, and it was a bit throwaway, so serves me right. Apologies for being so confusing.

Ros
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Re: Haddock, responsibly caught.

Post by Antcliff » Tue Feb 14, 2017 7:34 pm

I quite like this because it seems to express a kind of attitude/moment rarely expressed in poems.

Unless there is some sub-text that I have missed.

There probably is.

Seth
(Reaches for smoked mackerel.)
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur

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Re: Haddock, responsibly caught.

Post by RCJames » Tue Feb 14, 2017 10:00 pm

As kids, if we wanted to eat shrimp, we obviously didn't have money for them, we took Saltine crackers and spread ketchup on them, and we were transported to the seashore. Not really. This is nice and tight, nothing wasted, I understand the use of pragmatic, and you ended up wth canned smoked fish.nicely done. R

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Re: Haddock, responsibly caught.

Post by k-j » Wed Feb 15, 2017 3:36 pm

Not sure you need "responsibly caught" in the title, unless it's some pun I'm not getting?

Like others, I like the overall mood. Maybe "let's be" instead of "to be" pragmatic? or just "be".

"Half a moon" would be more interesting than the old "half-moon".

Only thing really troubling me is the idea that you're just going to start smoking the fish and it's already time to eat. Fish take days to smoke don't they??
fine words butter no parsnips

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Re: Haddock, responsibly caught.

Post by David » Wed Feb 15, 2017 4:06 pm

I like the fishy non sequitur at the end. (Ed: probably not a non sequitur at all.) And the title.

I like the Eliot echoes (or is that just me?) in lines 3-4.

It's a death of the ocean poem, I think.

Cheers

David

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Re: Haddock, responsibly caught.

Post by k-j » Wed Feb 15, 2017 4:09 pm

Duh, just got that the last line's a giant joke. Forget what I said about that. Good poem.
fine words butter no parsnips

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Re: Haddock, responsibly caught.

Post by Ros » Wed Feb 15, 2017 8:03 pm

Than you, all.

It's more of a consuming illegal substances poem than a death of the ocean poem. There may be a little TS Eliot in there.

I'm not sure fish should be encouraged to smoke. They are probably under age.

Ros
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