The Visitor

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camus
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The Visitor

Post by camus » Tue Oct 18, 2016 3:23 am

He's here again
like a perfect season
strict in its turning.
From which to which
though?
I suspect
autumn to winter;
A fatter coat
an eking of slightness
a jacket of bones
beneath, a dusting
of whiteness. Not a
moment wasted, he's
quick, he's sly, he
moves with an exactness
that belies his inherent
somnolent nature
he oftenlies
beneath the beech that
overreaches the
bleakness
of that one grey store
that is no more
that still invites:
a cut above
the scissors blunt and faded.
He languishes, he glims
just across the way
I don't like him
and he don't like me.
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Lou
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Re: The Visitor

Post by Lou » Tue Oct 18, 2016 6:29 pm

Like it! Very evocative, and neatly written with a killer ending. You've got a typo in L18, I think.

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Lou

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Re: The Visitor

Post by penguin » Wed Oct 19, 2016 3:44 pm

I like it too. The ending reminds me of something else. Is the grey store a specific shop. Here's my, er, differently punctuated version
camus wrote:He's here again
like a perfect season,
strict in its turning.
From which to which,
though?
I suspect
autumn to winter:
a fatter coat,
an eking of slightness;
a jacket of bones
beneath, a dusting
of whiteness. Not
a moment wasted, he's
quick, he's sly, he
moves with an exactness
that belies his inherent
somnolent nature.
He often lies
beneath the beech that
overreaches the
bleakness
of that one grey store
that is no more,
that still invites:
a cut above
the scissors blunt and faded.
He languishes, he glims
just across the way.
I don't like him
and he don't like me.

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Jackie
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Re: The Visitor

Post by Jackie » Wed Oct 19, 2016 4:27 pm

I'm drawn in by your visuals, Camus. I’m trying to think what sort of animal this might be. A weasel or a fox might account for how you feel about him but I can’t figure out what makes him not waste a moment in coming. To glim, it seems—lovely word, by the way.

Jackie

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Re: The Visitor

Post by penguin » Thu Oct 20, 2016 10:04 am

Jackie wrote:I'm drawn in by your visuals, Camus. I’m trying to think what sort of animal this might be. A weasel or a fox might account for how you feel about him but I can’t figure out what makes him not waste a moment in coming. To glim, it seems—lovely word, by the way.

Jackie
I wondered if the subject is an animal, but I can't figure out a cut above/ the scissors blunt and faded

in that scenario

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Re: The Visitor

Post by David » Sat Oct 22, 2016 5:44 pm

penguin wrote:
Jackie wrote:I'm drawn in by your visuals, Camus. I’m trying to think what sort of animal this might be. A weasel or a fox might account for how you feel about him but I can’t figure out what makes him not waste a moment in coming. To glim, it seems—lovely word, by the way.

Jackie
I wondered if the subject is an animal, but I can't figure out a cut above/ the scissors blunt and faded

in that scenario

That's what I was thinking too. The animal - a fox, I thought - seems to shape-change just at the end. It's very good, anyway.

Cheers

David

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Re: The Visitor

Post by 1lankest » Sat Oct 22, 2016 8:56 pm

Very good.

I stumbled only at inherent. I would ditch this word (one's nature being necessarily inherent, no?)

Luke

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Re: The Visitor

Post by camus » Tue Oct 25, 2016 12:51 am

Thanks droogs.

Lou,

Typo - "oftenlies" - I used as one word and not dictionary correct, but it has two meanings, so...why not?

Penguin,

Punctuation accepted, I'll attend to that.
Is the grey store a specific shop
It is indeed, a hairdressers (was a hairdressers) with the snappy tagline "a cut above" as all hairdressers should have.

Jackie,

It is indeed an animal, not a specific animal as such, just one that encompasses a feeling, provokes a reaction...type of thing...

David,

"shape-change" yes, absolutely.

Luke,

Good point.

Cheers
Kris
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