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Nearly the end of August, 2015

Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2015 5:59 pm
by Mic

(after Lee Harwood)


Reaching up after dark to unpeg the washing
on the rotary drier.......wow,.....it's so
the sky with all those stars in it is

the night is so clear and so

what little breeze there is
carries the day's warmth in it still

behind me, a dark basket of clothes and pegs
there are stars all around it

this sky with all its stars in it

I'd like to roll the tiny hardness of a star
across my palm

I know this is probably
and reach out my hand anyway



Original

Reaching up after dark to unpeg the washing
on the rotary drier.......wow,.....it's so...
the sky with all its stars in it is

the night is so clear and so...

what little breeze there is
carries the day's warmth in it still

behind me, a dark basket of clothes and pegs
there are stars all around it

oh this sky with all its stars in it

I'd like to roll the tiny hardness of a star
across my palm

It's improbable, but I reach out my hand anyway

Re: Nearly the end of August

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2015 7:38 pm
by Macavity
I'd like to roll the tiny hardness of a star
across my palm

Improbable, but I reach out my hand anyway
I like the notion and the language there mic. Perhaps too much it/it's/its/is in general? And I don't really need the oh/wow for this moment - but that may be my temperament :)

cheers

mac

Re: Nearly the end of August, 2015

Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2015 7:51 am
by Mic
Thanks Mac.

I can see what you mean by all the its and isiz and the wow and oh. Of course I kind of like them. But, I'm trying this without the 'oh' and an amended end ('improbable' was out of sync with the general vibe)

Mic

Re: Nearly the end of August, 2015

Posted: Sat Aug 29, 2015 9:53 am
by David
I don't know anything about Lee Harwood, but I like this. It seems enjoyably spaced, with all the hesitations and ellipses - jump cuts in poetry?

It strikes me that this sort of thing must be really hard to write well, but I think that's what you've done, Michaela.

So ... should I know more about Lee Harwood?

Cheers

David

Re: Nearly the end of August, 2015

Posted: Sat Aug 29, 2015 9:49 pm
by Mic
(I've just lost the post I wrote.)

What I said was, I'm really pleased you like it David!

I saw Lee Harwood read a couple of years ago - he was wonderful.

He was due to do an 'in conversation with.. ' and a reading at the end of September at the monthly poetry night I organise. But he died.

His work is highly regarded, though he didn't seem to get that much coverage.

Here's his obituary in the Gaurdian:

http://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/a ... ee-harwood

Re: Nearly the end of August, 2015

Posted: Sun Aug 30, 2015 5:58 am
by Macavity
It's improbable, but I reach out my hand anyway
That worked for me because in spite of, the impulse was greater...that's joy for you :)

Speaking of which, I like this...

http://www.poetryarchive.org/poem/gorge ... ghton-poem

all the best

mac

Re: Nearly the end of August, 2015

Posted: Sun Aug 30, 2015 8:10 am
by Mic
That's right. Just gorgeous.

Mic :-)

Re: Nearly the end of August, 2015

Posted: Sun Aug 30, 2015 8:12 am
by Mic
I wasn't keen' on the word improbable though...too,, clinical?

I am hoping I acheive a similar thing with 'I know this is probably....../ and reach out my hand anyway ?

But perhaps not!

Mic

Re: Nearly the end of August, 2015

Posted: Sun Aug 30, 2015 8:34 am
by Macavity
I wasn't keen' on the word improbable though...too,, clinical?
Exactly, which made the action all the more human...but this is just me...perhaps you can keep a version for this reader :)

I think your revised version fits the aesthetic...the use of space for the reader to 'write'

all the best

mac

Re: Nearly the end of August, 2015

Posted: Sun Aug 30, 2015 6:48 pm
by David Smedley
Reaching up after dark to unpeg the washing
on the rotary drier.......wow,.....it's so
the sky with all those stars in it is

the night is so clear and so

what little breeze there is
carries the day's warmth in it still

behind me, a dark basket of clothes and pegs
there are stars all around it

this sky with all its stars in it

I'd like to roll the tiny hardness of a star
across my palm

I know this is probably
and reach out my hand anyway

Enjoyed this piece, I would have loved the "stars" and "sky" in the excerpt below to have been reflected in water (hinted at), maybe if it had rained as well, before the washing came in. (Just a thought).

behind me, a dark basket of clothes and pegs
there are stars all around it

this sky with all its stars in it?

Re: Nearly the end of August, 2015

Posted: Fri Sep 18, 2015 2:58 pm
by Mic
Hi all,

This one has been included in the Lee Harwood tribute section of the most recent issue of Molly Bloom magazine.

I'm really pleased. I knew Lee a little bit. I'd heard him read a couple of years ago, and he'd agreed to read this September for Pighog, and do an 'in conversation' piece. He is one of my top favourite poets.

http://mollybloompoetry.weebly.com/mich ... dgway.html

Mic

:wink:

Re: Nearly the end of August, 2015

Posted: Fri Sep 18, 2015 3:41 pm
by David
Excellent! Well done, Michaela!

David

Re: Nearly the end of August, 2015

Posted: Fri Sep 18, 2015 4:05 pm
by Mic
Thanks David.

Michaela

Re: Nearly the end of August, 2015

Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2015 5:39 pm
by Macavity
Congratulations Mic. Interesting mag.

all the best

mac