five methods converge upon a single outcome

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dedalus
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five methods converge upon a single outcome

Post by dedalus » Fri Jun 19, 2015 10:36 pm

i.

the sudden sick feeling of lost control
a kaleidoscopic flashing by of images
the frantic squeal of brakes, a torrent of horns
a fracture of stillness surrounded by silence
a last prayer of regret and resignation

ii.

a glint of sun on cars far below
a stiff breeze, quite surprisingly chilly
a silly pop song going around my brain
my marriage ring on a flattened handkerchief
a group of tiny people gazing up

iii.

a flat metallic taste in the water
a cascade of pills on the bedsheet
a pain in my chest to remind me
my ears cocked for outside noises
my iPod paused on "Floo'ers o' the Forest"

iv.

a bare platform absent of people
a separate bag for ID, note, flowers
a long letter to my parents
a lighter for a last lonely cigarette
all the cash I possess, in amends

v.

deep and cold night-time waters
a concrete block strapped to my belt
no boats or people in view
lights of the highway over my shoulder
a heavy sweater to help things along

brianedwards
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Re: five methods converge upon a single outcome

Post by brianedwards » Thu Jun 25, 2015 12:06 pm

Powerful stuff Brendan. Best of yours I've read in a while, though I have been absent of course.

For crissake don't choose option IV will you, it doesn't half bugger up the commute. :roll:

Deserves more reads this one.

B.

Suzanne
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Re: five methods converge upon a single outcome

Post by Suzanne » Thu Jun 25, 2015 3:30 pm

I feel the weight of this, well done.
You have the build up set at a perfect pace.
Uncomfortably good.


Suzanne

Richard
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Re: five methods converge upon a single outcome

Post by Richard » Fri Jun 26, 2015 3:37 pm

Hi Brendan, on one level (actually many levels) this is nicely done, although it's quite a conventional tale in a way? I'm not sure about the last section. A bit obvious and unnecessary given the trajectory of the previous one?

Best

Richard

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