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Kick Me Through the Goalposts of Life

Posted: Sun Jun 07, 2015 1:42 am
by dedalus
Honey, I was hoping,
when not out bull-roping
that you'd turn your gaze on me:
look me over, up and down,
just turn your gaze on me!

Sweetie, when I go to town
my face it settles in a frown
when I look around for you:
I search with bugle, drum and fife,
when I look around for you!

Baby, every fork needs its knife
and so I want you in my life
to love and care for me:
I can offer smiles and pleasure
if you love and care for me!

My love, you could never measure
just how much you'd be my treasure
morning, night and noon:
treat me like your honey boy,
morning, night and noon!

Darling, bashful am I but never coy.
and I will not treat you like a toy
when we settle down together:
happy days and no more moping
when we settle down together!

Re: Kick Me Through the Goalposts of Life

Posted: Mon Jun 08, 2015 5:32 pm
by Suzanne
I like the title. Haven't heard it in a while and enjoyed reading it. Thanks.

This is a fun little love poem. Is it a particular form? I am not sure of those things, pretty rusty these days.
You have a lovely storytelling quality in your poetry that i enjoy. And this one is was even sweet, Bren!

I liked the second stanza best.

Suzanne

Re: Kick Me Through the Goalposts of Life

Posted: Tue Jun 09, 2015 12:04 am
by dedalus
Hi Suzanne,

The title comes from a C&W song, ("Drop Me Jesus Through the Goalposts of Life"), a parody. I was messing about with very simple rhymes the other day when the current rhyme scheme just fell into place. It's not rocket science but it was fun to write and I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Bren

Re: Kick Me Through the Goalposts of Life

Posted: Wed Jun 10, 2015 10:17 am
by bodkin
Enjoyed the rhyme scheme, however didn't you want to end with a rhyme compatible with "hoping"? I suppose "ahoy" isn't a million miles away. OK, I'm obsessive, I know it.

If there is a downside to this for me it is that it is too sweet. I'd need some grit... a touch of the realistic situation. Not necessarily anything highly negative, but something to add that touch of "real life" -- even if the N was steadfastly ignoring it :-)

Ian

Re: Kick Me Through the Goalposts of Life

Posted: Wed Jun 10, 2015 11:55 am
by dedalus
I like the hoping idea and have chosen moping - 'hoping-roping-moping' As for introducing grit, whatever for? This is a light little thing, a matinee ballad, and has no connection with the grumpy seriousness of the real world.

Thanks for taking a look,
Bren

Re: Kick Me Through the Goalposts of Life

Posted: Fri Jun 12, 2015 12:22 pm
by Ros
I enjoyed this, though given

I can offer smiles and pleasure
if you love and care for me!

I'm not surprised she's keeping clear. Doesn't sound like a bargain for all that caring.

Ros

Re: Kick Me Through the Goalposts of Life

Posted: Fri Jun 12, 2015 10:21 pm
by dedalus
Ros -

Our chap may be pleasant and earnest, but he's not very bright.

Cheers,
Bren