Last Few Days Before

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Antcliff
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Last Few Days Before

Post by Antcliff » Wed Sep 10, 2014 3:39 pm

1. Wednesday


Plenty of sloes picked in Kilpatrick,
some hazelnuts, few brambles.
Goat willow everywhere.

With the new glasses
I can see the Erraid lighthouse beacon.
Sunny in September.

A last fill up of bags for herbs,
enough for winter.
Smoked cod from Bill the Fish.

Above us, in the blue,
two white contrail lines form a saltire.
An omen, Dad jokes.
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur

ray miller
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Re: Last Few Days Before

Post by ray miller » Wed Sep 10, 2014 8:13 pm

You make it sound like a preparation for war. If that's your intent, well done.

Above us, in the blue,
two white contrail lines form a saltire. - Potent lines, much to read in them.

I'd prefer this

With the new glasses I can see
the Erraid lighthouse beacon.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.

steamboats
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Re: Last Few Days Before

Post by steamboats » Thu Sep 11, 2014 8:06 am

Who do you think you are, Oenghus of the Picts on his way to Nechtansmere ?
Love it, it's understated, has simplicity of language, an effective ending. Only thing I would suggest is that the saltire at the end is kind of bolted onto the poem, and it might be better if the simple things you list before the saltire arrives should somehow lead up to that kind of ending more, or be suggestive of it? If it was me Writing here in Galloway I would be listing rotting jetties, empty hooses etc and I would feel that the saltire at the end would be in context. But see me, I'm no subtle! Well done. Hope it is an omen.

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Re: Last Few Days Before

Post by dafra » Thu Sep 11, 2014 12:48 pm

Lovely autumnal wonders that lead
up to those decussating trails.
Any other year, any other season,
could be an advert for Halifax
I suppose.
Will we be having a countdown?
I hope so Seth

Antcliff
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Re: Last Few Days Before

Post by Antcliff » Fri Sep 12, 2014 12:11 pm

Thanks Dafra,
countdown.. yes, if anything comes into my head. :lol:

Thanks Ray,
not written with much martial intent. Just events of the day really.

Thanks S-Boats,
Who do you think you are, Oenghus of the Picts on his way to Nechtansmere ?
I've never been accused of that before.

Thanks, all.
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur

ray miller
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Re: Last Few Days Before

Post by ray miller » Fri Sep 12, 2014 4:37 pm

Well, I didn't mean so much martial intent, more laying stuff by for a duration. A siege then, rather than a war.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.

Antcliff
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Re: Last Few Days Before

Post by Antcliff » Fri Sep 12, 2014 4:46 pm

ray miller wrote:Well, I didn't mean so much martial intent, more laying stuff by for a duration. A siege then, rather than a war.
ah, yes. I see. Thanks, Ray, that helps.
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur

David
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Re: Last Few Days Before

Post by David » Tue Sep 16, 2014 5:12 pm

Effortlessly good. (I have seen such a saltire here, as clear as anything, but it was a couple of years ago so can't officially be called ominous, I think.)

Cheers

David

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Re: Last Few Days Before

Post by thoke » Mon Dec 22, 2014 12:55 pm

Another good one. I don't understand the title, but I like the poem and can't really think of anything I'd change, except whatever would clarify the title a bit.

Ben

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Re: Last Few Days Before

Post by Antcliff » Mon Dec 22, 2014 1:50 pm

Thanks very much, Ben :D
I don't understand the title
Last few days before the recent referendum on Scottish independence. We live in Scotland.


Seth
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur

thoke
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Re: Last Few Days Before

Post by thoke » Mon Dec 22, 2014 6:25 pm

Ah, I might have guessed if I'd read it when you posted it. Maybe specify that in the title? Then it will make sense in ten years.

Ben

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