beyond glass

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IainMichaelBryan
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Joined: Sat Jul 12, 2014 8:30 pm

beyond glass

Post by IainMichaelBryan » Sun Aug 31, 2014 1:08 pm

a letterbox of skies is stretching open the west
to blessed cool arms of autumn
statued midge still, the dawn-glow hedge secretes
sweet temptings of bird
in a liquid rustle

the old house rumbles taps and cisterns and floorboards
soak up creaking weight, shuffling toward
her blinkered views
to hiss curtain rings and catch a glimpse
of slow rolling fleece drawn east by the blueing

one brave swallow dares the abyssal field
mown sterile for tidiness
shooting from dark unruly cover
by a drooping line of surrendered beech
their crowns cut down for sighting silver horizons

it disappears with fluid bobs of cornering
over the ratchet-taut fence
that guards against a trinkling burn
cloaked by hairy swathes of flag iris sword
where a quick swallow can drink languid and unseen

after an hour of longing
when the last skin of shade peels to brilliance
not a cleft or contour escaping
I leave this dusty chair, embedded in rooms of paper mound clutter
to drench in the warm ink of morning
Last edited by IainMichaelBryan on Mon Sep 01, 2014 6:48 am, edited 1 time in total.

steamboats
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Re: beyond glass

Post by steamboats » Sun Aug 31, 2014 5:21 pm

Very sensuous and rich description. The general lack of punctuation is a bit confusing, especially since it makes arbitrary appearances here and there. I like the last formative verse when you leave the scene. The ink of morning makes me think you're about to go and write about it, it's a good image

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dafra
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Re: beyond glass

Post by dafra » Mon Sep 01, 2014 3:10 am

I enjoyed this view through the window from the old house.

I did however find it hard to reconcile that abbysal field with the view you describe. I couldn't think of a reason for vertical depth.

Our swallows drink on the wing gliding quickly just above open areas of water, trailing their beak. Languid seemed wrong as did the impatient wait to drink, yes to feed on the rising morning midges.

These didn't detract from the whole picture at all. Just came from second reading with more brain than heart.

A pleasure to read.

IainMichaelBryan
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Joined: Sat Jul 12, 2014 8:30 pm

Re: beyond glass

Post by IainMichaelBryan » Mon Sep 01, 2014 6:44 am

Many thanks for your comments, folks.

Steamboats, you are quite write about the arbitrary punctuation, and I will tidy it up.

Dafra, the 'abyssal field' seems so because it slopes and creates a stark contrast to a high tree canopy along its' boundaries. Our nearest open water is sea, so our swallows dive along the hidden stream. This is so well concealed, to my mind, that they don't have to hurry, hence my use of 'languid'. A bit licentious maybe.

Iain

thoke
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Re: beyond glass

Post by thoke » Wed Oct 01, 2014 8:19 pm

I enjoyed this, quite lyrical and an interesting series of slightly surreal or dreamlike images. Impressionistic maybe.

If you haven't guessed already I didn't quite understand it! It might be good to bring it into focus a bit but without spoiling the feel of it.

I missed the punctuation and capitalisation, I think those might help sharpen it up a little.

Ben

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