In praise of one without second

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Mic
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In praise of one without second

Post by Mic » Thu Mar 13, 2014 4:25 pm

This head-thing
attached to this body-thing
experiencing that lavender-thing over there
- its blueness against the whiteness of the wall-thing -
is thinking about the sameness of all things.

E.g. these finger-things, indistinguishable
from this pen and from memory
of the experience (last summer, now)
of the lavender (its tall unruly blueness),
are no different from you - beloved

you-thing
with your feet propped up
on either side of a steaming bath-thing.
Last edited by Mic on Wed Jan 28, 2015 7:22 pm, edited 5 times in total.
"Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you" - Rumi

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Re: In praise of one without second

Post by Ros » Thu Mar 13, 2014 7:46 pm

Not sure this is quite working for me, Mic (but good to see you around again!) I like the idea of the -thing but I think the repetition of it is working against the poeticy bits. The ending feels a bit abrupt - surely the other things are also happening, so I'm not getting the contrast? And I don't understand the title. I think you could expand on the contrast between same and difference, though - it's a great theme.

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Re: In praise of one without second

Post by Mic » Thu Mar 13, 2014 7:55 pm

Thanks Ros!

'one without second' is from Advaita (non-duality) in which everything (the 'beloved') is arising in 'no-thing' - the idea that nothing is 'separate', or perhaps that all is interconnected. Tricky always to express as language has embedded in it the idea of subject and object (Advaita 'claims' that there is no 'individual', that there is 'no one here' - that all is indivisible consciousness 'arising' in nothing. That wall, you, me, the colour blue, is all simply consciousness 'arising')

Probably not a very good explanation.

First draft though, so will certainly be giving thought to what you've said.

Mic

Oh, and I'm also playing a bit with the title - the subject of the poem (the lover/beloved) being one without second (and the paradox/contradiction inherent in this)
"Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you" - Rumi

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Re: In praise of one without second

Post by Ros » Thu Mar 13, 2014 8:06 pm

hmm deep stuff! I can agree on interconnectedness, though not I think on consciousness arising from walls. But everything being linked is something poetry should be able to tackle.

The hooloovoo: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_r ... #Hooloovoo
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Re: In praise of one without second

Post by Mic » Thu Mar 13, 2014 8:15 pm

although it isn't consciousness arising from walls, but rather that walls/everything is simply an expression of indivisible consciousness 'arising'!

Er....

Yep.

Mic
"Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you" - Rumi

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Re: In praise of one without second

Post by Ros » Thu Mar 13, 2014 8:22 pm

But doesn't that imply that everything has some consciousness in it? Which is what I'd probably dispute. Or are you saying walls are formed because of consciousness?
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Re: In praise of one without second

Post by Mic » Thu Mar 13, 2014 8:30 pm

Ros wrote:But doesn't that imply that everything has some consciousness in it? Which is what I'd probably dispute. Or are you saying walls are formed because of consciousness?
The walls (according to Advaita thinking) aren't really here. There is no 'here'. There is 'no-one' , 'no-thing'. But Advaita thinkers (contradiction in terms, language with its subject/object built-in & etc) talk about a 'consensus reality'. In this consensus reality there are walls and things and 'me' and this is all simply indivisible consciousness 'arising'.

Er...

Yep.

Mic
"Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you" - Rumi

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Re: In praise of one without second

Post by Mic » Thu Mar 13, 2014 8:32 pm

All that philosophising aside, this is basically hoping to be a love poem.

Mic
"Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you" - Rumi

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Re: In praise of one without second

Post by brianedwards » Thu Mar 13, 2014 11:05 pm

I liked it more before I read the explanation. Reminded me of cummings. The spiritual nonsense didn't even register. Take of that as you will.
Always nice to read you.

B.

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Re: In praise of one without second

Post by 1lankest » Fri Mar 14, 2014 9:00 am

Hi Mic,

I like the poem in essence but for me the repetition of 'thing' ruins it....is it necessary?

Here's how it might look edited:

This head-thing
attached to this body-thing
experiencing that lavender over there
- its blueness against the whiteness of the wall
is thinking about sameness.

E.g. these fingers, indistinguishable
from this pen and from memory
of the experience (last summer, now)
of the lavender (its tall unruly blueness),
are not-different from you - beloved

you-, with your legs wide open, feet propped-up
on either side of a steaming bath -
happening

Nash

Re: In praise of one without second

Post by Nash » Fri Mar 14, 2014 11:12 am

I know I've commented on this elsewhere, Michaela, but I'll comment here too, just to keep things tidy.

Nicely done! It's a sinuous piece that draws us in and out of the poem, I particuarly like S2 (I'm always up for a bit of meta-poetry). I wonder how you feel about dissolving the boundaries further by losing the direct naming of lavender?

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Re: In praise of one without second

Post by OwenEdwards » Sat Mar 15, 2014 2:08 am

I think the "-thing" thing is a glorious failure. I appreciate the intent, applaud its consistency, but cannot say I believe it succeeded.

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Re: In praise of one without second

Post by Macavity » Sat Mar 15, 2014 3:45 am

hi mic
Loved the form. Loved the poem - a lot. Possible quibble...experiencing/experience...one is enough. I'd definitely keep the lavenders...gives balance.


cheers

mac

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Re: In praise of one without second

Post by Mic » Sat Mar 15, 2014 12:38 pm

brianedwards wrote:I liked it more before I read the explanation. Reminded me of cummings. The spiritual nonsense didn't even register. Take of that as you will.
Always nice to read you.

B.
Ignore the explanation! I've just been thinking recently about the idea of non-duality as a way of conceptualising (?) / understanding (?) the world/life(?)

I like that you heard an echo of EE cummings
"Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you" - Rumi

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Re: In praise of one without second

Post by Mic » Sat Mar 15, 2014 12:41 pm

1lankest wrote:Hi Mic,

I like the poem in essence but for me the repetition of 'thing' ruins it....is it necessary?

Here's how it might look edited:

This head-thing
attached to this body-thing
experiencing that lavender over there
- its blueness against the whiteness of the wall
is thinking about sameness.

E.g. these fingers, indistinguishable
from this pen and from memory
of the experience (last summer, now)
of the lavender (its tall unruly blueness),
are not-different from you - beloved

you-, with your legs wide open, feet propped-up
on either side of a steaming bath -
happening
Thanks Luke. But I must stick to my guns re the 'thing' thing - even though it is admittedly dividing opinion. Taking the 'thing' out of the poem would turn the poem into a rather beige-thing.

Mic
"Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you" - Rumi

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Re: In praise of one without second

Post by Mic » Sat Mar 15, 2014 12:45 pm

Nash wrote:I know I've commented on this elsewhere, Michaela, but I'll comment here too, just to keep things tidy.

Nicely done! It's a sinuous piece that draws us in and out of the poem, I particuarly like S2 (I'm always up for a bit of meta-poetry). I wonder how you feel about dissolving the boundaries further by losing the direct naming of lavender?
Thanks Nash. And as mentioned elsewhere, I'm seeing whether I might be more extreme with the identity dissolving
"Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you" - Rumi

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Re: In praise of one without second

Post by Mic » Sat Mar 15, 2014 12:51 pm

OwenEdwards wrote:I think the "-thing" thing is a glorious failure. I appreciate the intent, applaud its consistency, but cannot say I believe it succeeded.
Thanks for the candid response Owen!
"Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you" - Rumi

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Re: In praise of one without second

Post by Mic » Sat Mar 15, 2014 12:53 pm

Macavity wrote:hi mic
Loved the form. Loved the poem - a lot. Possible quibble...experiencing/experience...one is enough. I'd definitely keep the lavenders...gives balance.


cheers

mac
Thanks Mac!
"Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you" - Rumi

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Re: In praise of one without second

Post by David » Sat Mar 15, 2014 12:55 pm

I think the thing-thing works, without considering the eastern spirituality, as a classic piece of mind-body dualism for me, and captures the weirdness of experience.

Possibly I'm parodying myself by suggesting that you finish on beloved - the last three lines add nothing (ha!) for me - but very well, I parody myself.

Cheers

David

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Re: In praise of one without second

Post by Oskar » Sat Mar 15, 2014 2:45 pm

I really, really like this, Mic. The philosophising flies over my head and the editorial about it in the last line of S1 is self-conscious and a definite dump for me. I'd get rid. The E.g. would need to go too.

beloved seems like quite an elderly term to use. Especially as you end, rather splendidly I think, with the object of your affection in the bath with legs akimbo!

Distinct, attention-grabbing, feels new rather than well-trodden. A big thumbs up from me.
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Re: In praise of one without second

Post by Antcliff » Sat Mar 15, 2014 4:04 pm

I liked it as well, Mic...including the odd "thing" thing.

Curiously sixties in feel....a legs open, legs apart display being a "happening". :D

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Re: In praise of one without second

Post by Ros » Sat Mar 15, 2014 4:58 pm

I agree it's the 'thing' that makes this unique - but still not totally convinced... I like the idea of exploring losing identity further, though. Will look out for the result!

Ros
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Re: In praise of one without second

Post by OwenEdwards » Sat Mar 15, 2014 5:05 pm

Ros wrote:I agree it's the 'thing' that makes this unique - but still not totally convinced... I like the idea of exploring losing identity further, though.
I would echo this. To be a glorious failure is still to be glorious.

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Re: In praise of one without second

Post by Mic » Tue Mar 18, 2014 6:10 pm

Antcliff wrote:I liked it as well, Mic...including the odd "thing" thing.

Curiously sixties in feel....a legs open, legs apart display being a "happening". :D

Seth
Thanks Seth! Legs akimbo ARE a 'happening' :-)
"Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you" - Rumi

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Re: In praise of one without second

Post by Mic » Tue Mar 18, 2014 6:12 pm

David wrote:I think the thing-thing works, without considering the eastern spirituality, as a classic piece of mind-body dualism for me, and captures the weirdness of experience.

Possibly I'm parodying myself by suggesting that you finish on beloved - the last three lines add nothing (ha!) for me - but very well, I parody myself.

Cheers

David
Thanks David & haha on the joke :-) I did consider finishing on beloved. And is some ways it does work - just in a different way. I like the legs akimbo-thing though.

Mic
"Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you" - Rumi

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