Note so queer as folk

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nottslinnet
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Note so queer as folk

Post by nottslinnet » Sun Feb 16, 2014 6:38 pm

Is this the way it has to be?
That Jane Austen on a note invokes
No sense of pride, or any sensibility
Just hatred from some blokes
Loaded with breast-bared prejudice

Has the World gone mad
Now everyone's a-twitter
Beard is torn and sad
And even the mild are bitter
On reading of the Rapes of Wrath

All men are created equal
A great Americans decided view
And Civil Rights became the sequel
For Proud Liberty is a woman too
A truth we should acknowledge

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Aretha sang - no mouse
Lets find out what it means for us
Stand up for rights, sit in the house
Be Rosa Parks upon the bus
There are Rednecks outside Alabama

David
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Re: Note so queer as folk

Post by David » Sun Feb 16, 2014 7:57 pm

Very good. And No sense of pride, or any sensibility is excellent! (And very persuasive.) However, not sure I get the "breast-bared prejudice" - just some angry bloke with his shirt off?

If anything is dispensable, it's S3.

And the last line sounds like an allusion to something, but the only thing I can think of is Stars fell on Alabama, which doesn't seem right.

Still ... enjoyed very much.

Cheers

David

brianedwards
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Re: Note so queer as folk

Post by brianedwards » Sun Feb 16, 2014 11:45 pm

I'm afraid I couldn't disagree with David more. Especially his declaration of excellence! I actually thought that line was a particular low point, a slightly cringe-worthy pun.
The poem is something of a ragbag of throwaway cultural references, some of which are puzzling. How do we get from Jane Austen to Rosa Parks? I'm sorry, that's a leap I can't make. I'm not saying it's a leap that can't be made, rather it's one I'm not willing to make with this poem. I don't believe in the voice of the poem. I don't know if it's trying to be funny or genuinely outraged, and it feels like neither. The form of the poem is too foregrounded.

Americans - American's

Sorry I can't offer anything more positive.

B.

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Re: Note so queer as folk

Post by Ros » Mon Feb 17, 2014 9:34 am

Afraid I'd have to agree with Brian on this one - v1 is ok, but I don't then understand the broader move to the US. It seems a mix of cliché and opportunity for bad puns, and I'd agree that I can't work out if it's supposed to be funny or outraged, as it manages neither. I don't get the last line at all.

Ros
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MikeAcker
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Re: Note so queer as folk

Post by MikeAcker » Wed Mar 19, 2014 3:56 am

I am not as experienced as Ros, Brian and David. So, please take my comments with a huge grain of salt.
you have a very important subject that has a lot of material to draw from. Personally, as a straight man, I am puzzled by this last denial of human rights. I know where it comes from and am very proud to live in a city, Vancouver, Canada, which is as all cities should be in terms of Gay rights.
I think the poem should have maybe focused on one individual act or scene and made its points that way. I noticed that when I, still a novice in poetry, try to capture too much in my net, I tend end up with nothing. I think the words are sincere. Maybe it was just the focus, a bit blurry.
Don't forget the grain of salt!

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