Lines

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Antcliff
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Lines

Post by Antcliff » Thu Feb 21, 2013 11:42 pm

Knock off the first and last
and if the poem’s no worse,
don’t bother.

Red ones,
thin blue.
Nobody mentions purple ones.

That you can read between.
That you wish you’d written.
Maps.

If parallel, they don’t converge.
Don’t forget those
that can be flown by crows.

Roads count, from up on high,
but not up close –
which isn’t really up anyway.
Last edited by Antcliff on Fri Feb 22, 2013 6:48 pm, edited 3 times in total.
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur

ray miller
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Re: Lines

Post by ray miller » Fri Feb 22, 2013 4:58 pm

This seems to be going somewhere for 3 verses, then it doesn't. I can't say that I understand the last verse at all. I may well be missing summat blindingly obvious, though. Happens.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.

Antcliff
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Re: Lines

Post by Antcliff » Fri Feb 22, 2013 6:52 pm

Thanks Ray,
well, I have put the old opening stanza back where it should be. That perhaps helps to undermine any initial sense of it going anywhere. ha!

seth
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur

Macavity
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Re: Lines

Post by Macavity » Thu Feb 28, 2013 7:25 pm

I like this Seth. I am greedy for more - trains, fishing, electricity, school, drugs, sport, military graveyards etc. Of course, what you really need is a killer line to end it all rather then the quirky focus on 'up'.

cheers

mac

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Re: Lines

Post by brianedwards » Thu Feb 28, 2013 11:57 pm

Feels a bit lazy this one Seth. Like you had an idea, played with it for less time than it deserved and dashed this off. I might be totally off with that, and apologies if I am, but that is the impression it leaves on this reader.

First stanza had me cringing.

B.

Antcliff
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Re: Lines

Post by Antcliff » Fri Mar 01, 2013 9:40 am

Thanks Mac,
Yeh, I'll expand it. More on the lines. I can see it needs a different ending (and more). It will be back in some form.

Thanks, Brian.

Seth
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur

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twoleftfeet
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Re: Lines

Post by twoleftfeet » Sun Mar 03, 2013 3:00 pm

Seth,

You're forgetting all those lines that teachers gave you for messing about in class! :)

Not to mention - felines, frauleins and punchlines.

Geoff
Instead of just sitting on the fence - why not stand in the middle of the road?

Antcliff
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Re: Lines

Post by Antcliff » Sun Mar 03, 2013 3:11 pm

You're forgetting all those lines that teachers gave you for messing about in class!
Well, I had forgotten, Geoff. Now I'm getting flashbacks!


Caecilius est in horto.
Caecilius est in horto.
Caecilius est in horto.
...repeat until end of detention!

Seth
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur

ljordan
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Re: Lines

Post by ljordan » Tue Mar 12, 2013 2:04 am

LIke the last S, but only the last. The other is descriptive and not your usual sharpness. The last makes me think and prompts me to argue that roads might count more, up close -- which of course isn't really up. Is it where or from we go, or the manner in which we went?

interesting stuff here.

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