Daughter Words

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Wilcken
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Daughter Words

Post by Wilcken » Mon Feb 18, 2013 5:28 pm

“…if you know a thing and its name why bother about it …”

_____________________________ —Gertrude Stein
_______________________________Everybody’s Autobiography



Contentment or juggernaut. I might be easier
than she supposed. The drop thanks the water

in a deep curtsy, makes no mistake. A formal
exercise. Something came first, and then

come comparisons. Texas clam and Georgia peach.
Crates stacked on pallets in a warehouse.

Spare parts for the souping up of a stock car.
Its primer color rust flowering out

from an orbital sander’s edge. Everything old
needs mending. Fiber, glass, mesh soft across finger

tips, body. So many fine fabrics to choose from.
Be courteous at any cost. The fair share comes last.

Banners: the shape of competition. Miss Florida
in the candy-colored swimsuit, two-piece.

And carrots. Soup or bouillon cube? We are, all of us,
made from scratch. A bone ware cup and saucer sits

placid amidst horned creatures, needing not to be calmed,
nor shaped, nor hung like a sprig of rosemary to dry.



Original: viewtopic.php?f=3&t=17872&p=145365&hili ... ds#p145365
Seth and Start, an overdue thanks for your comments back in October. I stepped out for a pack of smokes after posting this ;) and then -- when I finally decided to come back home -- I didn't feel like drawing attention to myself by bumping it back up to the top.

Antcliff
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Re: Daughter Words

Post by Antcliff » Thu Feb 21, 2013 7:40 pm

Jane.
Hmm. I like the rich sound of this. I suspect it is a poem with a good deal of personal meaning.
But as a whole it is elusive at the mo.

I am puzzled by the bone ware cup that needs not to be calmed,

I am not being very useful here.

Seth
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur

Macavity
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Re: Daughter Words

Post by Macavity » Thu Feb 21, 2013 9:38 pm

I agree with Seth. There's bait to interest. I'm not sure there's enough for me to swallow the hook and frame a structure.

still enjoyed the parts though

mac

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Re: Daughter Words

Post by brianedwards » Thu Feb 28, 2013 1:09 am

I'm reading it as an autobiography told in things. And I like it very much. Love how the images bounce off one another, how the souped up stock car becomes a bowl of soup, and the cup becomes a sprig of rosemary. Yes, enjoying this very much.

B.

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Re: Daughter Words

Post by Macavity » Fri Mar 01, 2013 8:25 pm

I'm not sure there's enough for me to swallow the hook
I was wrong. I keep coming back. I'm hooked.
The drop thanks the water

in a deep curtsy, makes no mistake. A formal
exercise.
The pleasure of seeing the image to experience in a different way. How perception is defined by connections:
Something came first, and then

come comparisons.
As if there is an interdependence that gives meaning.
Be courteous at any cost.
I thought that was quite a chilling line in a general way, though in specifics it made me think of dealing with 'customers'.

mac

Wilcken
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Re: Daughter Words

Post by Wilcken » Sat Mar 16, 2013 12:46 am

Mac, Brian, Seth

You inspired my thinking on this, to really make it work. Which I am still working on. Thanks for coming by (and coming back, Mac!)

Cheers,

jane

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Re: Daughter Words

Post by Antcliff » Sat Mar 16, 2013 8:39 pm

Good! Good things here. Lookin forward to it.
Will the connection with the Gertie quote come into greater focus?


seth
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur

Richard
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Re: Daughter Words

Post by Richard » Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:25 pm

I loved the middle section of this. Like stumbling on the contents of an intriguing garage or attic. If the meaning could be clarified just a little I think a a really beautiful poem might fall into view

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Re: Daughter Words

Post by ljordan » Sun Mar 17, 2013 6:26 pm

As B noted, the biographical elements are great and in keeping with Stein's sense of things as named. Second sentence, "I might be easier..." wonderfully sets up the lens for the reader's way into the poem. I think the aphoristic language distracts and weakens the poem. IE; instead of "everything old needs mending" something like: "It's my oldness that needs a mend" keep the inferences on target with the context. I think this gets closer to using the language to illumine rather than simply puzzle as so much of "Tender Buttons" becomes. The point is to let the reader engage in the particulars of this poem's life and relate to the particulars of their own. A great example of this is Lyn Hejinian's "My Life"

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Re: Daughter Words

Post by Ros » Sun Mar 17, 2013 8:25 pm

This is lovely. I like the images and the movement through the poem feels very controlled. I don't feel you need to explain much more, but

A bone ware cup and saucer sits

placid amidst horned creatures, needing not to be calmed,
nor shaped, nor hung like a sprig of rosemary to dry.

is perhaps a little too confusing and personal. Particularly the horned creatures. And of course once the cup was shaped?

Ros
Rosencrantz: What are you playing at? Guildenstern: Words. Words. They're all we have to go on.
___________________________
Antiphon - www.antiphon.org.uk

David2
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Re: Daughter Words

Post by David2 » Sun Mar 17, 2013 8:30 pm

Jane, I'll have to be - with the greatest of courtesy (no cost, don't worry) - Mr. Jones again, because if something is happening here I don't know what it is. Certainly nothing is happening for me. All I'm getting is a list of non sequiturs and, if the whole is greater than the sum of the parts, I'm adding them up wrong.

My almost complete ignorance of Gertrude Stein could be a disqualifying factor - and there may be others, I suppose - although I do like what she said about Oakland.

I do note that I'm in the minority on this, so at least my plaintive voice will be lost in the crowd.

Cheers

David

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