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Antcliff
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Post by Antcliff » Wed Jan 23, 2013 8:39 pm

This poem is small.
Wee and weeny. Tiny, even teeny.
Submicroscopic.

Even ants must reach
for magnifying glasses, peer,
squint to find the topic -

then wonder why they bothered,
wish they were frogs on steroids,
quickly hop it.
Last edited by Antcliff on Thu Jan 24, 2013 10:40 am, edited 1 time in total.
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur

pseud
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Re: Next

Post by pseud » Thu Jan 24, 2013 9:27 am

Given the brevity, I'm not sure there is much to criticize.

Seems like a playful transition in a collection. I like the rhyme, and the ant/magnifying glass reversal.

If there is a deeper meaning, I'm missing it. In a western culture full of ADD and ADHD, though, I think the poem has a special significance. We're always looking for what's "next," constantly checking our phones for another update.

I thought the frog image was jarring but I think that was the intent. But what could be changed is the punctuation: a period on the end of the S2 makes it hard to connect the thoughts. "Then wonder" at the start of S3 reads more like an imperative to the reader than a description of the ants.
"Don't treat your common sense like an umbrella. When you come into a room to philosophize, don't leave it outside, but bring it in with you." Wittgenstein

ray miller
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Re: Next

Post by ray miller » Thu Jan 24, 2013 10:30 am

I like the idea, like the poem apart from the frogs line, which I'm not getting the point of.

squint to find the topic.

Then wonder why they bothered

Maybe "discover" rather than "find". Helps rhythmically (I think) and bit of a rhyme with "wonder".
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.

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Re: Next

Post by Mic » Thu Jan 24, 2013 9:53 pm

I really like it. The rhymes work very well. I do like that image of ants with magnifying glasses, and I like the concept.

Mic
"Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you" - Rumi

Antcliff
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Re: Next

Post by Antcliff » Fri Jan 25, 2013 12:58 pm

Thanks, Mic,
Glad you liked the rhymes. And the idea..

Thank Caleb,
yes, I can see you are right about the full stop not helping. And yes, it was intended as a playful one. I like poems that rather jokingly refer to themselves. As you say, there is something about the world of on-linery that encourages a shortening of the attention span. Too many cakes in the cakestore. Eyes twirl.

Thanks Ray,
I'll ponder over the "discover" alternative. Frogs = they hop. Okay I could have picked kangeroos, but that may be a bit too large for ant wishes. :D


Cheers all!
Seth
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur

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Re: Next

Post by Macavity » Sat Jan 26, 2013 1:33 pm

hi Seth

Playful. Maybe a thought to have a version without the self-referencing first stanza.

enjoyed

mac

Antcliff
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Re: Next

Post by Antcliff » Sun Jan 27, 2013 5:29 pm

Thanks Mac.

Hmm.. I'm not sure there is a poem without the self-referencing first stanza. Hmm. That feature was integral to the intention...but I will ponder. Thanks for calling by, and the interesting suggestion.

Best,
Seth
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur

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Re: Next

Post by Oskar » Sun Jan 27, 2013 8:46 pm

Very well put together, Seth. This wouldn't be out of place in a Spike Milligan book of children's verse. The frog-based ending works for me. A frog on steroids? Yeah, that would make for a fast getaway. The ants with the magnifying glasses is a nicely surreal touch.

Compact and bijou.

Regards
"This is going to be a damn masterpiece, when I finish dis..." - Poeterry

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