Too Choosy (and why I'll be single forever)

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Too Choosy (and why I'll be single forever)

Post by camus » Sat Jan 19, 2013 11:43 pm

Well my fellow poets Mic and Oscar have taken this idea to better places, both excellent. But I will revise with a few breaks, and a couple of suggested changes, just for the craic.

Revised

Too shiny
Too polka dotty
Too hair big at the sidesy
Too work hard play hardy
Too old for her glasses

Too massive
Too close
Too black (not a racial thing, just wouldn't look right against my pasty skin)
Too 70's furniture in the backgroundy
Too elegant
Too elephant
Too picture taken in the basementy

Too green eye-shadowy
Too jowly
Too owly
Too horse friendly
Too insane
Too nice
Too stonkingly attractive
Too I'm not sure which one you actually are? Hopefully not the ugly one?

Too pearl necklessy
Too aware of her failings
Too rubbish at arty
Too big glasses trendy
Too "consistent in thinking and behaviour"
Too pink with black bra-y
Too roses around the front of the doory

Too I'm probably into dogging
Too looks like an old actress that I can't quite put my finger on
Too unbalanced - Pic with a bandanna, pic with your grandma...
Too obviously "life of the party"

Too jettisoned
Too 80's hairy
Too "From penzance"
Too tarot card readerish
Too "I love my kids"
Too I wear black like Demis Roussos (we know why)
Too I can drink a pint with lads
AHHH - Too perfect...

Version 1

Too shiny
Too polka dotty
Too hair big at the sidesy
Too work hard play hardy
Too old for her glasses
Too massive
Too close
Too black (not a racial thing, just wouldn't look right against my pasty skin)
Too 70's furniture in the backgroundy
Too elegant
Too elephant
Too picture taken in the basementy
Too green eye-shadowy
Too jowly
Too owly
Too horse friendly
Too insane
Too nice
Too stonkingly attractive
Too I'm not sure which one you actually are? Hopefully not the ugly one?
Too pearl necklessy
Too aware of her failings
Too rubbish at arty
Too big glasses trendy
Too "consistent in thinking and behaviour"
Too pink with black bra-y
Too roses around the front of the house
Too I'm probably into dogging
Too looks like an old actress that I can't quite put my finger on
Too unbalanced - Pic with a bandanna, pic with your grandma
Too obviously "life of the party"
Too jettisoned
Too 80's hair
Too "From Penzance"
Too tarot card readerish
Too "I love my kids"
Too I wear black like Demis Roussos (we know why)
Too I can drink a pint with the lads
AHHH - Too perfect...
http://www.closetpoet.co.uk

Nash

Re: Too Choosy (and why I'll be single forever)

Post by Nash » Sat Jan 19, 2013 11:59 pm

Brilliant! Have we got a sound file of this one, Kris?

If pushed, I'd perhaps say that it looks a bit congested around 3/4 of the way down. But I imagine in a reading it wouldn't be.

Good one,
Nash.

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Re: Too Choosy (and why I'll be single forever)

Post by camus » Sun Jan 20, 2013 12:05 am

Thanks Nasher.

I keep forgetting about the recorded voice! Yes this one would work well I think, I'll give it a go.

I agree it could probably do with re-arranging for the page.

cheers
Kris
http://www.closetpoet.co.uk

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Re: Too Choosy (and why I'll be single forever)

Post by dedalus » Sun Jan 20, 2013 9:24 am

A cock in the hand ...
(oops, that will do nicely)
is worth any girl in the land.

Farewell to all trouble and strife:
every man can be his own wife!

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Re: Too Choosy (and why I'll be single forever)

Post by Antcliff » Sun Jan 20, 2013 5:02 pm

Kris,
great fun. I'm looking forward to hearing the recorded version.

Seth
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur

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Re: Too Choosy (and why I'll be single forever)

Post by Nash » Sun Jan 20, 2013 5:11 pm

Reading this again today, Kris.

I want to read:

Too roses around the front of the house

As:

Too roses around the front doory

Just seems to flow better, I think.

Cheers,
Nash.

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Re: Too Choosy (and why I'll be single forever)

Post by Oskar » Sun Jan 20, 2013 5:21 pm

Nice idea. Some entertaining lines that made me laugh. I look foward to hearing a recording of this. However, I think you down-play the importance of keeping the listener interested when said/read aloud. Any pruning or polishing that's done shouldn't just be for the benefit of the page. You've produced a long list. I reckon you need to play around with the idea of too, two and to,in order to add a little more vigour and verbal gymnastics to the whole thing. There's plenty to work with, but I think you've still got some way to go before you make the creature live.

Cheers.
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Re: Too Choosy (and why I'll be single forever)

Post by Suzanne » Sun Jan 20, 2013 6:44 pm

Fun.
I'd love to hear this! Yes.
Picky Dude.

Once you start reading it, the edits will be clearer.
At least I have found that....

Bring it!
Suzanne

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Re: Too Choosy (and why I'll be single forever)

Post by Suzanne » Sun Jan 20, 2013 6:49 pm

Too skinny no butty.
Too little curvey.

Just sayin.

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Re: Too Choosy (and why I'll be single forever)

Post by Wilcken » Sun Jan 20, 2013 7:26 pm

"Too picture taken in the basementy."

Fanfuckingtastic.

I'm kinda with Oskar on its over all success as a poem at this stage, however. I think it's not quite transcending its listiness yet. A mixture of the more predictable pickyness is needed along with the more obviously and extremely ridiculous inventions of observations that somehow immediately become a character trait by association with? Lord only knows, we just know it when we see it.

It easily comes cross to me as the experience of looking at single's ads on line, so if that intent is there, it's working for me. Wherever it goes, the humor and tone are good, as you always seem to come up with a winning strategy on those fronts at the very least.

Best of luck with it,

Jane

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Re: Too Choosy (and why I'll be single forever)

Post by twoleftfeet » Mon Jan 21, 2013 1:41 pm

Terrific, Kris!
Nash wrote:Reading this again today, Kris.

I want to read:

Too roses around the front of the house

As:

Too roses around the front doory

Just seems to flow better, I think.

Cheers,
Nash.
That's a good idea!
Similarly I wanted to read "Too 80's hairy" :)

In an ideal world, I'd like to see one or [s]too[/s] two lines that didn't start with "Too" - just to break that "list" up a little,
but I'm probably being too picky.

Geoff
Instead of just sitting on the fence - why not stand in the middle of the road?

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Re: Too Choosy (and why I'll be single forever)

Post by camus » Mon Jan 21, 2013 5:10 pm

Thanks guys,

It really was just a case of hey inspiration lets go, it doesn't happen often! So yep Jane (looking at single's ads on line) and banging down derogative comments, hopefully that raise a smile, but quite genuine. An almost infinite idea really, but I had to stop somewhere. Rough and ready and certainly needs honing.

cheers
Kris
http://www.closetpoet.co.uk

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Re: Too Choosy (and why I'll be single forever)

Post by pseud » Thu Jan 24, 2013 6:06 am

Exactly. Not only a commentary on the one choosing, but also on the prospects. We are all cliche's, and this is especially true of first impressions.
"Don't treat your common sense like an umbrella. When you come into a room to philosophize, don't leave it outside, but bring it in with you." Wittgenstein

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Re: Too Choosy (and why I'll be single forever)

Post by ray miller » Thu Jan 24, 2013 10:40 am

Too I wear black like Demis Roussos (we know why) - why?Maybe (I know why) is better, enhances N's singularity.
Too "consistent in behaviour and thinking" has a nicer sound.
Good list.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.

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Re: Too Choosy (and why I'll be single forever)

Post by Antcliff » Thu Jan 24, 2013 10:46 am

Wonder whether it might be worthwhile throwing in an unexpected "Not enough.." line just to break things up before returning to main riff. E.g. throw "Not owly enough" in later.. sometime after "Too owly". That would also play into the "Too choosy" theme. Anyway, just a thought.

Seth
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur

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Re: Too Choosy (and why I'll be single forever)

Post by Mic » Thu Jan 24, 2013 9:38 pm

I also liked this, but agree with the those calling for some sort of interruption of the 'toos' (although thinking about it, the 'too-ness' of it is an integral part of it)

Mic
"Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you" - Rumi

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Re: Too Choosy (and why I'll be single forever)

Post by David » Sat Jan 26, 2013 1:42 pm

The ghost of JCC flits through this, don't it? And to very good effect.

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Re: Too Choosy (and why I'll be single forever)

Post by oranggunung » Sat Jan 26, 2013 2:32 pm

Hi Kris

The muse smiles upon you!

Here's hoping you can get it into a shape that all (or most, at least) enjoy.


nice one

og

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