Mannerisms

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Suzanne
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Mannerisms

Post by Suzanne » Sat Dec 22, 2012 8:50 am

Mannerisms


A dryness accompanies winter, begins with the last
falling leaf, heaters are clicked up a notch or two
and lip balm's zipped into a pocket. Chapped lips,
a mannerism of the season. A winter mannerism.
Freshly paneled pine tongue and grooves itself
across the ceiling. Its sap still supple, it's shifting,
a predictable attribute of pine. I trace rings around knots,
felled trees suspended in time. New room, familiar scent,
the frost on the window, the stillness of air. I've lain
beneath this ceiling before, though not in this room.
My feet under this down, have felt this weight before,
but not of this blanket. Radiator pings and sighs tap
my awareness and instinctively, I nestle deeper
into my pillow, a Saturday morning mannerism.







.
Last edited by Suzanne on Sat Dec 22, 2012 8:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

pseud
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Re: Mannerisms

Post by pseud » Sat Dec 22, 2012 9:53 am

A dryness accompanies winter, begins with the last
falling leaf, heaters are clicked up a notch or two
and lip balm's zipped into a pocket. Chapped lips, - are chapped lips a mannerism or a by-product?
a mannerism of the season. A winter mannerism.
Freshly paneled pine tongue and grooves itself
across the ceiling. Its sap still supple, it's shifting,
a predictable attribute of pine. I trace rings around knots,
felled trees suspended in time. New room, familiar scent,
the frost on the window, the stillness of air. I've lay - laid?
beneath this ceiling before, though not in this room. - something about this line really works, that deja-vu feeling in the morning is captured
My feet under this down, have felt this weight before,
but not of this blanket. Radiator pings and sighs tap
my awareness and instinctively, I nestle deeper
into my pillow, a Saturday morning mannerism.

This is a delightful poem. It's not what I usually look for in a poem but it is very descriptive and pulls me into a mesmerizing moment in time, while avoiding the cliche's of the roaring fire, snow out the window, or hot beverage.

p
"Don't treat your common sense like an umbrella. When you come into a room to philosophize, don't leave it outside, but bring it in with you." Wittgenstein

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Re: Mannerisms

Post by Antcliff » Sun Dec 23, 2012 12:32 am

I found this very absorbing Suz.
It really takes me there. A strange noticing of nature and habits. I think the "mannerism" repeats+ending work really well.
(Although, as Pseud says, chapped lips seem to be more of a consequence..)
Hmm. Very satisfying I found. Even "tongue and groove" as a verb. And the still supple sap!

Seth
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur

Suzanne
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Re: Mannerisms

Post by Suzanne » Sun Dec 23, 2012 1:43 pm

Thank you Pseud and Seth.

It is nice when the mood is understood, ahhh, feels good.

The Finns use the word mannerisms slightly different than in English and this is sort of a playing with that idea.
Though, of course, it can't be described to the readers, I can tell you here though! I was hoping to get away with it.

If I added the word "like" in the sentence about chapped lips, that would do it but... I think the idea is conveyed, though not literal. Of course chapped lips are not a mannerism of winter. But is shifting sap a mannerism of pine? A mannerism? I doubt we would say that, the correct word would probably be characteristic, i think. Snuggling a mannerism of one on Saturday morning? I doubt that would be said.


The comment was playfully stated and communicated the idea. I'm keen on letting it slip through the cracks.

Thank you,
Suzanne

ray miller
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Re: Mannerisms

Post by ray miller » Sun Dec 23, 2012 10:21 pm

Nice poem, I enjoyed it. Good to see "pocket" reappearing.

Freshly paneled pine tongue and grooves itself - should be tongues?
across the ceiling. Its sap still supple, it's shifting - its shifting or it's shifting?
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.

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Re: Mannerisms

Post by Richard » Mon Dec 24, 2012 7:13 pm

I'm finding the mood of the poem and the idea of 'mannerisms' in tension. Is this really about mannerisms? It does not feel like that to me. Mannerisms are odd bedfellows for the moments of tranquility you capture here.

Best

Richard

Suzanne
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Post by Suzanne » Tue Dec 25, 2012 6:29 am

Ray, good. Glad. : )

"Tongue and groove" no s on tongue.
It's shifting or its shifting, good spot! It could go either way, couldn't it? I meant it is. I might rethink. Thanks.


Pleiades, Thanks for the reply. I appreciate you voicing this so I can consider if it is working. Thanks.


I'm also thinking my punctuation could help carry this better.


Suzanne

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