June (V2)

[Antcliff]

v2
When morning dandelions the strolling sun,
the softness of bog cotton is its song.
When midday hums, the heather joins
and sings your happiness for purple fun.
When afternoon is dressed and kilted,
and strides, a master-tailor’s whistling son,
it courts the lovers, winks and wins each one.


v1
When morning dandelions to the strolling sun,
the softness of bog cotton is its song.
When midday hums, the heather joins
and sings your happiness for purple fun.
When afternoon is dressed and kilted,
and strolls, a master-tailor’s whistling son,
it courts the lovers, winks and wins each one.

[Magpie Jane]

Acutely lovely, Seth.
A charming portrait of the month we all love - in spite of its cold spells (at least here).

Your use of 'dandelion' as a verb is wondrous. Likewise the heather's 'purple fun'.
If you wanted to distill/condense/summarise your poem further (not that you need to),
the 1st, 4th and last line would make a neat summery terzet.

Aye, dandelions!

Jane

[twoleftfeet]

Very nice, Seth, especially the last line.

Quiblettes:

Can you lose "to" in L1, for the sake of the meter?

Also you've used "stroll" twice.

Geoff

[Antcliff]

George,
thanks for calling by..especially with such good news. I will ponder that deletion...and, aah...yes, there should not be two strolls.
I reach for the edit button.

Jane,
and thank you very much. I am so glad you liked wondrous+purple. The month itself is inspiring. You are lucky to rhyme so well with it.
...thanks for that tercet suggesto.

seth