One of Six Meanings of True Love

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brianedwards
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One of Six Meanings of True Love

Post by brianedwards » Sun Apr 17, 2011 4:36 am

One of Six Meanings of True Love

Love died
but they carried on anyway

each gouging and gorging
on chunks of the other until
a kind of sick

game commenced,
not endurance as such
but a contest to see

who could be the fattest,
who could be the first to fall
asleep, under a buxom moon

and wake the next day
a butterfly.








~

Mic
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Re: One of Six Meanings of True Love

Post by Mic » Sun Apr 17, 2011 8:51 am

Hi Bri,

I liked this. I liked the droll reportage of the two opening lines, the unexpected turn of the second stanza, the sardonic hyperbole of the middle section, and the pseudo-poetic imagery of the exit lines. So much gorging (even the moon) in such a lean poem. It works.

The Title – trade’s description act litigation? The poem didn’t do what it said on the tin. Okay, maybe I’m being too literal.

I liked it.

Michaela
"Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you" - Rumi

Sharra
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Re: One of Six Meanings of True Love

Post by Sharra » Sun Apr 17, 2011 7:50 pm

Hi Brian
What are the other 5?
This felt dark and disturbed to me, almost like a black comedy.
I liked the language, and enjoyed reading it but it didn’t quite feel like the last 2 stanzas fitted really to me. The ‘fattest’ was ok, as they are gorging… but I’m not sure why the moon is buxom, or why there is a shift to a metamorphosis. Maybe it’s too many directions in such a short poem? It could just be me though :)
Nicky
x
It is at the edge of the
petal that love waits

brianedwards
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Re: One of Six Meanings of True Love

Post by brianedwards » Mon Apr 18, 2011 1:47 am

Thanks ladies. Romance is not a strength I concede . . .

B.

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