Some coping strategies for contractual hours

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John G
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Some coping strategies for contractual hours

Post by John G » Sat Mar 26, 2011 7:36 pm

(with amendments and corrections)
Tea tea drink plenty of tea
the constant trips to a tiny shared kitchen with the stained aroma
of 23 microwaved meals,

or walk to the free vending machine
where the tea inexplicably tastes of potatoes
and the subsequent toilet time
to expel the tea is an added bonus.

But beware errant pubic hair which makes the urinal
resembles the chin of a 13 year old boy.

At your desk have sexual fantasies about someone in the office,
no need to be specific. Her over there
she'll do.

Stare at Excel and make pivot tables.
Construct graphs.
Fiddle with the parameters.

Make lists.
15 reasons why you hate Star Wars.
Your 10 best trainers.
Objects you've never bought.
Girls names beginning with Y.

Watch the clock.
Feel the carpet grow.
Last edited by John G on Mon Mar 28, 2011 8:50 am, edited 1 time in total.
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager.

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Re: Some coping strategies for contractual hours

Post by Arian » Sat Mar 26, 2011 8:14 pm

John, this may be a fairly accurate description of how some contractors (you, I guess, for one) pass their time, and it has some amusing lines - I particularly like the very last line, which contrasts nicely with the previous cliche. But mildly amusing observation is all it has. It seems to lack structure, rhythm, imagery...oh, you know, all that poetic nonsense. Stuff that makes poems poems. To me it just seems like your preparatory thoughts jotted down, before being made into a poem.

Plus it has your trademark typos all over the place. (inexplicably, the - to name just two). You went through a phase, a while ago, where you were cleaning this up. What happened? I confess I find it an irritation when a decent poet like you won't even check for the obvious things before posting. Not so much becasue I'm precious about my time (though I am, a bit) but because it makes you look unnecessarily bad.

A bit of care, and a lot of your stuff would be SO much better.

Cheers
peter

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Re: Some coping strategies for contractual hours

Post by John G » Sat Mar 26, 2011 8:59 pm

Cheers Pete and thanks for sticking around and coming back!!


What can I say, its shoddy – the lack of care with spelling etc. There is no excuses which make it all the more worse! Totally agree with what you’ve written.. I can accept no-one commenting because what I write isn’t good / to their tastes etc but to have no audience because simple and avoidable mistakes is just stupid.

My mojo / muse / original ideas / hell, any ideas have deserted and I need to go find it.

I need to pull the proverbials up.

Thanks for the kick up the arse.
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager.

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Re: Some coping strategies for contractual hours

Post by Suzanne » Sat Mar 26, 2011 9:27 pm

This a so interesting and insightful, John.
Suzanne

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Re: Some coping strategies for contractual hours

Post by bodkin » Sun Mar 27, 2011 12:10 am

Hi John,

Yes I saw the typos, and it does feel quite preliminary...

...but I did quite enjoy this, especially the tea tasting inexplicably of potatoes.

If you're looking to reconnect with your muse, polishing this up would be a way to go.

Ian
http://www.ianbadcoe.uk/

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Re: Some coping strategies for contractual hours

Post by twoleftfeet » Sun Mar 27, 2011 1:00 pm

Hi, John

I enjoyed this a lot.

I presume by "contractual hours" you are not talking about contractors per-se (who in my experience are paid by the hour
and therefore, in general, are closely scrutinized) but "ordinary" employees who have fixed hours and are not allowed
to go home even if there is no work? Give me "flexitime" any day!

btw I've never seen pubic hair in a latrine - Good God I hope I don't start looking from now on.
All I've ever noticed is those ubiquitous cleaner/freshener thingies that look like poached eggs..

Geoff
Instead of just sitting on the fence - why not stand in the middle of the road?

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Re: Some coping strategies for contractual hours

Post by Oskar » Sun Mar 27, 2011 2:17 pm

I like this too. Give yourself another kick up the arse and keep writing!
"This is going to be a damn masterpiece, when I finish dis..." - Poeterry

Nash

Re: Some coping strategies for contractual hours

Post by Nash » Sun Mar 27, 2011 10:00 pm

I wouldn't say that this is one of your best John, but still enjoyable.

I liked the 'tea tasting of potatoes' line. It's those unusual details that make your poems so believable.

I'm not sure how a pubic hair strewn urinal would resemble the chin of a 13 year old boy.

Keep 'em coming though John!

Cheers,
Nash.

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Re: Some coping strategies for contractual hours

Post by John G » Mon Mar 28, 2011 9:06 am

Geoff, the hours just refer to the time I’m contracted to work as a smallish cog in a big faceless wheel. I can’t believe you’ve never seen a pube in a latrine – this place is full for them but then again toilet etiquette is not a priority here. I appear to be surround by Neanderthals.

Oskar, my arse has been kicked. I am kicking as I type.

Nash, “I'm not sure how a pubic hair strewn urinal would resemble the chin of a 13 year old boy” - you know when people first start sprouting hairs they always tend to have one or two visible ones sticking out of their chins, well this reminded me of the urinal or vice versa.
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Re: Some coping strategies for contractual hours

Post by David » Thu Mar 31, 2011 4:23 pm

John, as amended and corrected, I think it's excellent. Maybe just lose Her over there / she'll do. The preceding line says enough.

The ending is great.
John G wrote: I can’t believe you’ve never seen a pube in a latrine
Me neither! Geoff's obviously lived a far more sheltered life than we realised.

Cheers

David

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Re: Some coping strategies for contractual hours

Post by Arian » Thu Mar 31, 2011 4:45 pm

Yes, a lot better, John.
The first line is a bit "Oliver!" (Food glorious food...), but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Cheers
peter

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Re: Some coping strategies for contractual hours

Post by Richard » Thu Mar 31, 2011 6:19 pm

I too liked the potatoes. And the nicrowave meals. My main worry? How can anyone hate Star Wars?

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Re: Some coping strategies for contractual hours

Post by twoleftfeet » Thu Mar 31, 2011 8:05 pm

David wrote:
John G wrote: I can’t believe you’ve never seen a pube in a latrine
Me neither! Geoff's obviously lived a far more sheltered life than we realised.
So - that's 2 blokes on PG admitting to premature testicular balding? Anyone else? (Nothing to be ashamed of :lol: )
Instead of just sitting on the fence - why not stand in the middle of the road?

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Re: Some coping strategies for contractual hours

Post by JohnLott » Thu Mar 31, 2011 9:33 pm


twoleftfeet wrote: So - that's 2 blokes on PG admitting to premature testicular balding? Anyone else? (Nothing to be ashamed of :lol: )
Would that be scrotal?
And no - not me - sorry.

:)

J.
Before you shave with Occam’s razor - Try epilation or microlaser

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