When the Peter Levy breaks…

[camus]

He’s got a flat in Victoria Dock!
He’s as sincere as a bream
Peter Levy – what a cock.

His face as rigid as writer's block
His demeanour like the scream
He’s got a flat in Victoria Dock!

He’s painfully un-local, on at 6 o’clock
Preset smile, jokes like clotted cream
Peter Levy – what a cock.

Whatever happened to the rocks?
The Brian Baines of Look North schemes
Has he a flat in Victoria Dock?

Why is local news such a crock?
Why does nothing happen, it seems
Peter Levy – what a cock.

He hails from a South West lock
Shagged my cousin in his dreams
He’s got a flat in Victoria Dock!
Peter Levy – what a cock.

[Oskar]

Kris

Bloody hell, this is great! It demands to be read out loud, preferably from a van with a megaphone mounted on top. I'd want to take this little beauty on a slow trawl around the streets of Grimsby.

Wonderful. Inspired. Ace!!!



One-nil to the dread methinks.

[David]

I had to google this fellow, but his foul oleaginous visage came as no surprise after your poem.

"He’s as sincere as a bream" is madly brilliant.

Cheers

David

[Marc]

Dear Sir,
I represent the interests of our client Mr Peter Levy.
It has been brought to our attention that you have, on a public forum, repeatedly referred to our client in derogatory terms suggesting that he is a 'cock'. You have also suggested that he has desires to sleep with your cousin.
Our client strongly denies these defamatory comments. Indeed he claims to have never met your cousin.

He does not understand your accusation that he is 'sincere as a bream'. We believe a bream to be a species of fish with no inherent concept of sincerity and are therefore unsure whether you meant this to be a defamation or not. Indeed it is quite possible that as a fish a bream could have no way of being anything other than totally sincere. We will investigate this further and if it comes to light that bream are known to be duplicitous, or even merely untrustworthy toward other fish, we will regard this as a further defamation.

I must therefore ask you to immediately retract your poem to avoid damage to my clients reputation and desist from further cock and fish allegations.

I would be interested to have the telephone number of your cousin.
Yours

Julius Bigwallet
snr Partner
R Soles and Anusses, Solicitors

[brianedwards]

Kris puts the villain in villanelle!
"Madly brilliant" -- Yep, that just about sums it up.

Good one!

B.

~

[bodkin]

A villanelle ripping into a local television presenter...

that's not something you see every day.

I had to google him, but then I enjoyed the poem.

I don't know what level of sincerity is implied my a bream however.

Ian

[camus]

Dear Julius Bigwallet,

Firstly may I commend you on the monumental task of defending your clients reputation, for he is, a cock!

I can assure you sir, he did indeed meet my cousin, he met her with such disreputable eyes, that I (being in the very room) was sickened to my soul! On his arm at that very time was a lady one could only describe as a "weather girl" such insolence!

As for your ill-advised discernment of a bream and its capabilities of being "sincere" well sir, tell me, what fish do you know who has the soubriquet of a "slab" (hence reels in with not a break-brow of sweat) yet fights like a fat pike when the light of day glints upon its silly thin head?

My allegations are out there for all to see, at 6'oclock, Peter Levy time.

It could be, your client is a fellow who blinded by the banality of Local News, has indeed gone insane. If that is the case I retract my poem, and wish him well in his recovery. If on the other hand he continues to patronise every living soul within a "local" radius, I can only bear him bad tidings and a life on Local radio.

Yours
Lost in the North somewhere.

PS. My cousin asks have you made the bench yet?

[John G]

yeah, really enjoyed, can't really add more as it seems to have already been said.

I might get the refrian "Peter Levy – what a cock" printed upon a t-shirt

[brianedwards]

Just had to come back for another dip in these waters. Yeah, really fun. I thought I was obscure writing a sestina about a linguist, but a villanelle about a local TV guy -- that's pretty nutso-cool.
Using a name for repetition in a fixed form takes some balls, but the overall oddness of this poem makes it work.

On this read, I found "rigid as a rock" to be quite flat compared with the inspired "sincere as a bream". Might I suggest the following:
"as stern as a frock"
"as stubborn as a clock"
"as rigid as writer's block"
"as stiff as a well-worn sock"

etc, etc . . .

One of the best examples I can remember of a name used as repetition is this sestina by James Cummins: Fling

B.

~

[camus]

Thanks all.

B,

I agree "rigid as a rock" does need replacing. If I can't think of anything better (which i can't) I'll opt for "as rigid as writer's block"

cheers
Kris