Mnemonical Ali and the Portal of Hypnos (edit4)

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NotQuiteSure
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Mnemonical Ali and the Portal of Hypnos (edit4)

Post by NotQuiteSure » Sun Feb 09, 2020 1:21 pm

.
v4
Mnemonical Ali and the Portal of Hypnos


There once was a girl called Mnemonical Ali
who was famed for such fiendish feats of memory
as mastering the names of Vivianne Miedema
(goals and assists in alphabetical order),

she could specify pi to eight hundred flavours
(two thirds of them sweet, the remainder savoury),
knew the favourite bees of world famous Belgians
and the difference between diff'rent diff'rence engines.

At primary school she had memorised whole packs
of wolves and hyenas while sitting at the back
of the class. Then it was borough librarians,
local dry-cleaners, larmoyant amphibians.

"Those," they told her, were "quite inappropriate,"
not understanding she promised to note
all her teachers' objections, she would not forget
and forfeited those frogs she'd won in a bet.

As Ali grew older, grand grew her ambitions
and interest developed in certain divisions
of consciousness, principally those which pertained
to Somnus. In textbooks, you'd find it framed

as a question: (in that Moment) do we remember
how to nod off, or is our slumber
a sign that we have forgotten
how to remain awake?
She would get to the bottom
of this, she vowed, if only for sciences' sake.

Yet, no matter how hard she tried, and she tried
so hard, the Moment remained elusive, unspied
by even her keenest of keen mental eyes
and the many machines arrayed at her bedside,

each recording her altered states altering
– those E acronyms – found nothing
to explain 'null-memory' upon awakening.
Maybe the Moment's atemporal, or self-erasing

like malware? Does it not even exist?
For search as she might she could not find the switch,
or that line in her mind where the threshold was crossed,
when reality winked and awareness got lost.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

In the end, we are told, there were financial pressures,
her lack of results shut Big Pharma's coffers.
Those straws were enough, she threw in the towel
while tattlers tittled that she'd become liable

to cliché, to flatulence, to mild presque vu,
to a type five narcolepsy (something hitherto
unreported in the medical literature.
There's reams, peer-reviewed, now, on how it affected her.)

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

Skimming the surface returns: recluse
– amphibiphobic – Ashby-de-la-Zouch
– semi-detached –
which some claim's symbolic,
I beg to differ, stuff's fake. Semiotics
and mythmaking (a real dodgy dossier):

laudanum for gammon. Those "truths" they're all lies
from a black op, a flimflam, a toad in disguise.
I think she was k'napped as she verged on success
and bundled to a dungeon, beneath Dungeoness,

at Big P's behest. They used cut-outs and minions
realising her work could cost them all billions.
A prisoner of consciousness, captive of crooks,
constrained, coerced, kept far off the books.

Yet still Ali found it, The Portal of Hypnos
(originally theorised by Hippo off Campus).
A trapdoor-way function, where sleep is the key,
once you control that each direction has parity.

Shifting the paradigm caused an effect
- captured in high-def, UV, infra-red -
the footage snowed onto dark net black boards
(I've seen it, by John! It's too weird for words.)

Imagine the Portal's a singularity,
an event with horizon and serious gravity:
a conscious mind crosses, needs must, body follows
contorting, Eschering, til it has swallowed

itself. In an instant their prisoner vanished.
Tadpoles to tuffets, her captors were punished
(just business, of course.) Then the web began spinning
''c-theories' and 'Alfies' proliferating
– below, a snapshot, some samples for clarity –

currently trending, the hashtag wheresali.

She lives with the Artyloomen (sic) inside Halley's Comet,
is Wensley Dale's voice on Dashiell and Hammett,
is the girl behind the curtain of new L-Pop bands,
is a mendicant travelling through pre-Cambrian lands,
has ferreted the Yeti, found conditions there alarming,
is getting them ready to face up to global warming.
The U-Sussers have her abducted, by aliens,
escaped, an expert in counter surveillance
and wood-craft. She sits on Big Pharma's boards.
Has more frogs than France. Enjoys the last laugh.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

But I'll find my truth in the happy ever after:
remembering, as you should, Callisto is still out there,
somewhere. And don't you forget it. She'll be back.
I'd bet all of my frogs on that.











____________________________________________________________



Mnemonical Ali and the Portal of Hypnos
#Weaselly


1.
There once was a girl called Mnemonical Ali
who was famed for such fiendish feats of memory
as mastering the names of Vivianne Miedema,
(all her goals and assists, in alphabetical order).

2.
She could calculate pie to eight hundred flavours,
two thirds of them sweet, the remainder savoury,
knew the lines (ancestral) of Scotland's steam engines
and the favourite bees of world famous Belgians.

3.
At school she would quietly memorise whole packs
of wolves and hyenas, while sitting at the back
of the class. Then it was borough librarians,
local dry-cleaners, larmoyant amphibians.

4.
(The latter, they told her, "quite inappropriate",
not understanding she agreed to take note
of the teachers' objections, she wouldn't forget
and forfeited those frogs she'd won in a bet.)

*********

5.
As Ali grew older, grand grew her ambitions
and interest developed in certain divisions
of consciousness, principally those which pertained
to Somnus. In textbooks, you'd find it framed

6.
as a question: do we (in that Moment) remember
how to fall asleep, or is it that our slumber's
a sign we have completely forgotten
how to remain awake?
She'd get to the bottom
of this, she vowed, if only for sciences' sake.

*********

7.
Yet, no matter how hard she tried, and she tried
so hard, the Moment remained elusive, unspied
by even her keenest of keen mental eyes,
and the many machines arrayed at her bedside,

8.
each recording her altered states altering
– those E acronyms – didn't find anything
to explain her 'null-memory' upon awakening.
Was the Moment 'atemporal', or 'self-erasing'

9.
like malware? Did it not even exist?
For try as she might she could not find the switch,
or that line in her mind where the threshold was crossed,
when reality winked and awareness got lost.

*********

10.
In the end, we are told, there were financial pressures,
her lack of results shut Big Pharma's coffers.
Those straws were enough that she threw in the towel
having grown despondent and become liable

11.
to cliché, to flatulence, mild presque vu
and a type five narcolepsy, (something hitherto
unreported in the medical literature.
Now, there's reams, peer-reviewed, on how it affects her).

*********

12.
Proletarian searching returns: recluse –
lives in obscurity – Ashby-de-la-Zouch
– semi detached
– which some claim symbolic,
though I beg to differ, it's all fake, semiotics
and mythmaking, from a real dodgy dossier.

13.
Laudanum for gammon. Those "truths" are all lies.
it's a black op, a flimflam, a toad in disguise.
I think she was snatched as she verged on success
and bundled to a dungeon, beneath Dungeoness

14.
at Big Pharma's behest. They used cut-outs and minions
when they realised her work stood to cost them all billions.
A prisoner of consciousness, captive of crooks,
held under duress, and kept far off the books.

*********

15.
But I believe that Ali found it, the Portal of Hypnos
(originally theorised by Hippo off Campus.
A trapdoor-way function, where sleep is the key,
once you control that, each direction has parity, see?)

16.
And what she detected would cause an effect.
It was captured on cameras, UV, infra-red.
The footage snowed onto dark net black boards,
(I've seen it, by John! And it's too weird for words.)

17.
She encountered, it seems, a type of singularity,
an event with horizon and some serious gravity.
Which meant, once her mind crossed, her body soon followed,
contorting and Eschering, until it had swallowed

18.
itself. Mnemonical Ali (like totally) vanished.
Tadpoles to tuffets, her captors were punished.
Just business, of course. Then the web began spinning
and sightings of 'Ali' started proliferating;
logarithmic initially, but soon exponentially.

19.
Below, just a fraction, a sample, for clarity:

20.
hashtag
wheresali


*********

21.
She lives with the Arty-Lumen (sic) inside Halley's Comet,
is Wensley Dale's voice, on Dashiell and Hammett,
is the girl behind the curtain of those L-Pop bands,
is a mendicant travelling through pre-Cambrian lands,
has discovered the Yeti, found conditions there alarming,
and is getting them ready to face global warming.
The U-Sussers have her abducted, by aliens,
escaped, an expert in counter surveillance
and wood-craft. She sits on Big Pharma's boards.
Has more frogs than France. Enjoys the last laugh.

*********

22.
But I'll find my truth in the happy ever after
remembering, as you should, Callisto is still out there,
somewhere. And don't you forget it. She'll be back.
I'd bet all of my frogs on it.[/center]









===============================================


Changed the title

S1. Changed 'like'
changed 'plus'

added 'all'

S2. Changed 'pets'
changed 'pens/puns'

S3. Changed 'white Rastafarians'
Also considered: gay/straight antiquarians, straight libertarians, Free Standing Agrarians, Contrary Rotarians.
Changed '(T)wee Presbyterians'

S4. Cut 'that'
Changed 'five'

S5. Changed ' typically'
Changed 'them'

S6. Changed 'in fact'

S7. Changed 'various'

S8. Changed 'they never found anything'
changed 'upon' to 'on'[/color]
Changed 'didn't find a damn thing'
cut 'then'


S9. Cut 'was'
changed 'balance'

Changed 'her scales tipped'

S10. Changed 'such'
changed 'now and then'


S11. Changed 'savage',
changed 'which was then'
changed 'affected'

Changed 'quite new'
cut 'so was'


S12. Changed 'searches return 'Ali is a recluse'
cut 'is'

Changed 'cursory'
restored 'lives'
cut 'near', 'single'


S13. Changed 'This 'truth' is a lie.'
Cut 'they'
changed ' then held, in'
changed crow

Changed 'You're gammon you don't see it, those "truths" they're all lies:'
changed 'crow'
changed 'rendered'


S14. Changed 'lose',
changed 'kept' and 'so'

Cut 'The world's first'

S15. Changed 'that she'
changed 'and'

changed 'of'

S16. Changed 'soon revealed a secondary 'effect' '
changed 'Recorded in hi def'
changed 'That'

Changed 'Her discovery, though, was to'
added 'be', changed 'both'
cut 'some'

changed 'be'

S17. Changed 'kind'
Cut 'what she found was'
changed 'when'

changed 'it appears'

S18. Changed 'she'
changed 'singing'

Cut 'had'
changed 'Frogspawn to fluff,'

changed 'toadstools'
changed 'twitching'

S19. Changed 'A brief snapshot (below), for the sake of clarity.'
changed 'In lieu of a screenshot, and for the sake of clarity:'

S21. Changed 'its'
cut 'behind'
cut 'become'
cut 'And'

'Changed 'is the mover and the shaker'
cut 'new'



.
Last edited by NotQuiteSure on Mon May 11, 2020 5:12 pm, edited 34 times in total.

ray miller
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Re: Mnemonical Ali

Post by ray miller » Mon Feb 10, 2020 10:00 am

Marvellous. If I had a hat on I'd take it off.
NotQuiteSure wrote:
Sun Feb 09, 2020 1:21 pm
.
Mnemonical Ali
(title suggestions welcome).


There once was a girl called Mnemonical Ali - Melanie would be a better rhyme with memory.
who was famed for such fiendish feats of memory
as mastering the names of Vivianne Miedema, - as mastering names like Vivianne...
(plus goals and assists in alphabetical order).

She could calculate pie to eight hundred flavours, - lovely
two thirds of them sweet, the remainder all savoury. - she savoured? Just for a better rhyme.
Knew the favourite pets of world famous Belgians
and the ancestral lines of Scotland's steam engines.

At school she would quietly memorise whole packs
of wolves and hyenas, while sitting at the back
of the class. Then it was borough librarians,
local dry-cleaners, and white Rastafarians

(the latter, they told her, "quite inappropriate",
not understanding she agreed to take note
of the teachers' objections, she wouldn't forget
and forfeited five frogs that she'd won in a bet). - bit obscure this

As Ali grew older, grand grew her ambitions
and interest developed in certain divisions
of consciousness, principally those which pertained
to Somnus. In textbooks, typically framed

as a question: do we (in that Moment) remember
how to fall asleep, or is it that our slumber's
a sign that we have, in fact, forgotten
how to remain awake? She'd get to the bottom
of this, she vowed, if only for sciences' sake.

......................*********

Yet, no matter how hard she tried, and she tried
so hard, the Moment remained elusive, unspied
by even her keenest of keen mental eyes,
and the various machines arrayed at her bedside,

each recording her altered states altering
- those E acronyms - they never found anything
to explain 'null-memory' upon awakening.
Was the Moment 'atemporal' or 'self-erasing'

like malware? Did it not even exist?
For try as she might she could not find the switch,
or the line in her mind where the threshold was crossed,
when the balance was tipped and awareness got lost.

In the end, we are told, there were financial pressures,
her lack of results shut big pharma's coffers. - treasures would be better
Such straws were enough that she threw in the towel
having grown despondent and now and then liable

to cliches of flatulence, savage presque vu
and a type five narcolepsy, (something quite new
which was then unreported in the medical literature.
Now there's peer-reviewed reams on how it affected her.) - love the rhymes

Cursory searches return 'Ali is a recluse,
lives in obscurity, (Ashby-de-la-Zouch)
in a semi detached', which some claim is symbolic,
though I beg to differ, it's all fake, semiotics
and mythmaking - from a real dodgy dossier.

......................*********

You'd be gammon not to see it. All this 'truth' is a lie. - lies rhymes better
It's a black op, a flimflam, a crow in disguise.
I think she was snatched as she verged on success
and then held, in a dungeon, beneath Dungeoness

at big pharma's behest. They used cut-outs and minions
when they realised her work stood to lose them all billions.
The first prisoner of consciousness, captive of crooks,
kept under duress, and so far off the books.

See, I believe that she found it, the Portal of Hypnos
(originally theorised by Hippo of Campus.
A trapdoor-way function, and sleep is the key,
once you control that, each direction has parity.)

Her discovery soon revealed a secondary 'effect'
recorded in hi def, UV and infra-red.
(That footage snowed onto some dark net black boards,
I've seen it, by John! and it's too weird for words.) - is by John an actual phrase?

It appears what she found was a kind of singularity
an event with horizon and some serious gravity
which meant, when her mind crossed, her body soon followed,
contorting and Eschering, until it had swallowed

itself. Mnemonical Ali, she utterly vanished.
Frogspawn to fluff, her captors were punished.
Just business, of course. Soon the web started singing
and sightings of 'Ali' began proliferating
initially logarithmic, but then exponentially.

A brief snapshot (below), for the sake of clarity.

She lives with the Arty-Lumen (sic) inside Halley's Comet,
is Wensley Dale's voice, on Dashiell and Hammett,
is the mover and shaker behind those new L-Pop bands,
is a mendicant travelling through pre-Cambrian lands,
has discovered the Yeti, found its conditions alarming,
and is getting them ready to face global warming. - isn't the Yeti singular?
The U-Sussers have her abducted, by aliens,
escaped, become expert in counter surveillance
and wood-craft. She sits on big pharma's boards,
has more frogs than France, and enjoys the last laugh.

......................*********

But I'll find my truth in the happy ever after
remembering, as you should, Callisto's still out there,
somewhere, and don't you forget it. She'll be back,
I'd bet all of my frogs on it.



.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.

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Re: Mnemonical Ali

Post by NotQuiteSure » Mon Feb 10, 2020 1:38 pm

.
Hi ray,
thanks very much for the read/crit/suggestions. Glad you enjoyed it, hat or no hat.

There once was a girl called Mnemonical Ali
- Melanie would be a better rhyme with memory.
You're right, though there's a 'Chemical Ali' resemblance that I liked. And I'd lose Callisto at the end, so ... Will think.

as mastering the names of Vivianne Miedema,
- as mastering names like Vivianne...
Not a women's football fan? (Anna Margaretha Marina Astrid Miedema).

She could calculate pie to eight hundred flavours,
- lovely
thanks
two thirds of them sweet, the remainder all savoury.
- she savoured? Just for a better rhyme.
Tricky one. 'the remainder all savoured' gives one pause, just not sure it does so in the right way.
... Will think ... again!

and forfeited five frogs that she'd won in a bet).
- bit obscure this
Is that an objection? :) It comes into its own in the final line, I hope.

her lack of results shut big pharma's coffers.
- treasures would be better
but I'm not sure it's the right word/sense.

Now there's peer-reviewed reams on how it affected her.)
- love the rhymes
Thanks.

You'd be gammon not to see it. All this 'truth' is a lie.
- lies rhymes better
Yes, how about
You'd be gammon not to see it. All those 'truths' are lies. ?

I've seen it, by John! and it's too weird for words.)
- is by John an actual phrase?
I don't think so. It evolved from By Jove! to By Toad! into the (what I hope is both
more mundane and funnier) incarnation. ( Should have capitalised the 'a' of 'and', blast.)

and is getting them ready to face global warming.
- isn't the Yeti singular?
(rifling dictionary ... )Yes. Though if I make 'its' 'they' in the preceding line, it could work as a species name ... ?



While you're here. Any thoughts on 'white Rastafarians'? I'm beginning to doubt it.
Wondered about gay/straight antiquarians, straight libertarians, Free Standing Agrarians, or 'contrary Rotarians'.
Currently road-testing (T)wee Presbyterians,

Similarly, is
In lieu of a screenshot, and for the sake of clarity:

to be preferred to
A brief snapshot (below), for the sake of clarity. ?


Regards, Not


.

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Re: Mnemonical Ali (edit2)

Post by Firebird » Wed Feb 12, 2020 8:25 am

Hi Not,

So much to like here (and take in) - the word play, rhymes, ideas and the narrator’s turn at the end. I like it as it stands.
a question: do we (in that Moment) remember
how to fall asleep, or is it that our slumber's
a sign that we have, in fact, forgotten
how to remain awake? She'd get to the bottom
of this, she vowed, if only for sciences' sake.
This is a great idea. Did you come up with it yourself? Or is it embedded in some myth I’m not familiar with?

I’ll continue to read it, and if I have any suggestions I’ll be back. I suspect it might be possible to cut it in places (only a little mind).

Great read!

Cheers,

Tristan

PS. Mnemonical Ali brought to mind Chemical Ali. I’m assuming this association was meant?

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Re: Mnemonical Ali and the Portal of Hypnos (edit2)

Post by NotQuiteSure » Wed Feb 12, 2020 12:43 pm

.
Hi Tristan,
thanks for the read and comments. Much appreciated.
Think I've finally found the right title, which is a relief.


So much to like here (and take in) - the word play, rhymes, ideas and the narrator’s turn at the end. I like it as it stands.
Thanks, though I think some of the 'jokes' could be better.
Probably going to switch 'pens' (S2/L3) for 'puns', for instance (with 'smells' running a close second).
And I'm not happy with 'twee Presbyterians' - it needs to be something for which she can be censured, but surreal enough
that it can't (realistically) cause offence. Toying with
larmoyant amphibians / and vegan vulgarians / rebel grammarians / and eastern Hesperians / lopsided cnidarians /
and sated Hungarians


Any suggestions?

a question:
This is a great idea. Did you come up with it yourself? Or is it embedded in some myth I’m not familiar with?
As far as I know it's my idea (been knocking around for a while and finally it's found it's place). I'll certainly claim it, absent
documentary evidence.

I’ll continue to read it, and if I have any suggestions I’ll be back. I suspect it might be possible to cut it in places (only a little mind).
Thanks. If you spot places where the meter becomes too egregiously erratic could you let me know as well?

Mnemonical Ali brought to mind Chemical Ali. I’m assuming this association was meant?
Yes. Mnemonical gave me Chemical which gave me Ali, and then it was off to the races.


Regards, Not


.

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Re: Mnemonical Ali and the Portal of Hypnos (edit3)

Post by Macavity » Sat Feb 15, 2020 12:12 am

She could calculate pie to eight hundred flavours
Liked that one Not. And recluse/Zouch. As well as the sleep/awake bit. Some of the maniacal interests left me disconnected, but then the character is an obsessive. I shouldn't ask, but if this is true...and the favourite bees of world famous Belgians....then who?

best

mac

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Re: Mnemonical Ali and the Portal of Hypnos (edit3)

Post by Firebird » Sat Feb 15, 2020 9:48 am

Hi Not,

Yes, I like the title. Of your options to replace ‘twee Presbyterians' I like best ‘rebel grammarians‘. I’m no expert on metre, but this poem generally has good rhythm but doesn’t stick to one metre (I don’t think so anyway - JJ are you out there???). So I don’t think in this type of poem, with such a lose use of metre, it really matters if it is completely lost here and there, so long as the rhythm is maintained, which I think it is.

Still enjoying this poem.

Cheers,

Tristan

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Re: Mnemonical Ali and the Portal of Hypnos (edit3)

Post by NotQuiteSure » Sat Feb 15, 2020 11:26 am

.
Hi mac, Tristan.
Macavity wrote:
Sat Feb 15, 2020 12:12 am
I shouldn't ask, but if this is true...and the favourite bees of world famous Belgians....then who?
Apologies mac, me being slow, but then who? what?
(I'm not sure 'obsessive' is quite right, she's supposed to be someone into 'memory sports' - no, me neither.)

Tristan, glad you like the title and that you're still enjoying the piece. Thanks for the thoughts on 'meter'.
(Something for the experts.)
One last tweak (S13/L1) and it's done (in as much as something ever is) ... I think.

Regards, Not


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Re: Mnemonical Ali and the Portal of Hypnos (edit3)

Post by Macavity » Sat Feb 15, 2020 4:16 pm

I was just wondering who these famous Belgians were?

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Re: Mnemonical Ali and the Portal of Hypnos (edit3)

Post by NotQuiteSure » Sat Feb 15, 2020 5:48 pm

.
Hi mac,

yeah, I was afraid of that. Unfortunately it's just the old joke, but with added bees.
(If pressed, I'd start with Sax, Hergé, Henin, Mercator, Reubens, Magritte, Jean Claude van Damme
and Hazard and De Bruyne, but then I run out of steam.)

Regards, Not

.

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