Tracey Emin Said

This is a serious poetry forum not a "love-in". Post here for more detailed, constructive criticism.
Post Reply
Elphin
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 2923
Joined: Thu Jun 28, 2007 4:10 pm

Tracey Emin Said

Post by Elphin » Fri Aug 10, 2018 4:37 pm

George Michael was introverted,
if he hadn't been so flamboyant
he could have been an accountant

writing poetry in the evening.
He would have lived each dull day
like a librarian or a lawyer,

retiring at Ten O'Clock to dream
of baboons and periwinkles, toads
of fun and sunshine, enough for everyone.

She wore a pin stripe suit while saying this.
She would have been comfortable at a desk
or in an unmade bed.

David
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 13259
Joined: Sat Feb 18, 2006 4:40 pm
Location: Ellan Vannin

Re: Tracey Emin Said

Post by David » Fri Aug 10, 2018 4:52 pm

Is this true? Not the Tracey Emin and George Michael stuff, but that Elph has posted a poem? So it would seem.

Very good to see the fruits of your scribblings again. And it is a good one.

Welcome cheers

David

Elphin
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 2923
Joined: Thu Jun 28, 2007 4:10 pm

Re: Tracey Emin Said

Post by Elphin » Fri Aug 10, 2018 5:00 pm

Hello old fella

Another manful attempt to get back in the saddle :)

elph

David
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 13259
Joined: Sat Feb 18, 2006 4:40 pm
Location: Ellan Vannin

Re: Tracey Emin Said

Post by David » Fri Aug 10, 2018 6:13 pm

A very good attempt, I would say.

Macavity
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
Posts: 4863
Joined: Tue May 10, 2005 10:29 am

Re: Tracey Emin Said

Post by Macavity » Sat Aug 11, 2018 6:40 am

A pleasure to read one of your poems again Elph. I wonder if Larkin would be sucked into the world of a creative writing lecturer now - seeing the potential for a 'predator' as David called him. Perhaps not, though writing courses do hoover up poets and those with writing ambitions. Interesting you've referenced the professions in that context. In other times clergy, courtiers, dramatists would be referenced I guess...some less dull occupations there.

enjoyed

mac

1lankest
Preponderant Poster
Preponderant Poster
Posts: 1480
Joined: Sun Oct 27, 2013 4:12 pm

Re: Tracey Emin Said

Post by 1lankest » Sat Aug 11, 2018 8:22 am

Very nice. Sean O’Brian comes to mind, and Larkin of course. Understated, irreverent, deft. A touch of self-deprecation, perhaps.

Toads, of fun and sunshine

Or

Toads of fun and sunshine?

Either way I like it.

L

User avatar
Firebird
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 1587
Joined: Tue May 21, 2013 9:46 pm

Re: Tracey Emin Said

Post by Firebird » Sat Aug 11, 2018 9:31 am

Interesting poem. I think I might get rid of the three line stanza format as I can't really see any reason for it (not sure what all the emjambment between stanzas actually achieves) and think the first 9 lines read better as one stanza. I think the final three lines do warrant being a stanza on their own though.

Hope this helps some.

Cheers,

Tristan

Elphin
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 2923
Joined: Thu Jun 28, 2007 4:10 pm

Re: Tracey Emin Said

Post by Elphin » Mon Aug 13, 2018 2:06 pm

Thanks all

Larkin as a creative writing lecturer, there is a play or a poem in that? What I find interesting is the easy stereotyping of the "professions" how a complex spreadsheet or well drafted lawyers letter is seen as artistically inferior to flamboyance and the creative "types".

Toads of fun or toads, of fun -- good question. I had meant to have the comma but missed out in the first draft (by mistake) and then quite liked the ambivalence so left it hoping the line break would work like a comma to those that want it. Do I get away with it?

Another good question on the enjambement and three line stanzas. The poem was born that way! That and I like white space are my only justification. No better reason ...

elph

P.S -- she did say the first 4 lines

Macavity
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
Posts: 4863
Joined: Tue May 10, 2005 10:29 am

Re: Tracey Emin Said

Post by Macavity » Mon Aug 13, 2018 5:27 pm

What I find interesting is the easy stereotyping of the "professions" how a complex spreadsheet or well drafted lawyers letter is seen as artistically inferior to flamboyance and the creative "types".
I can't say that I picked up the tone of the poem in that regard. Perhaps the word dull weighted my reading. My working hours are spent with numbers, but I'm not in a position to comment on any creativity in my sums. :wink: :) .

cheers

mac

User avatar
Jackie
Preponderant Poster
Preponderant Poster
Posts: 1202
Joined: Sun Jun 30, 2013 1:21 am
Contact:

Re: Tracey Emin Said

Post by Jackie » Sat Aug 18, 2018 1:16 am

Elphin,

Am I just imagining you’re saying she saw a kindred spirit in George Michael, who, if he had boxed himself into an “L” life (“dull like a librarian or a lawyer”), would have joined her in S3 in his dreams? I’m interpreting it this way because the stress pattern changes at S3, maybe to accommodate the two of them; feeling as she might, too often boxed into an “L” life herself.

Jackie

Elphin
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 2923
Joined: Thu Jun 28, 2007 4:10 pm

Re: Tracey Emin Said

Post by Elphin » Sat Aug 18, 2018 7:02 am

Thanks Jackie

Interesting take, I actually didn’t mean to focus on that or even consider it when she said what she said but I think that is a good thought.

As to stress changes, yes there are. As much to elevate us to dream land as anything else and of course the words in v3 come from our three protagonists - George Michael, the poet librarian and poet lawyer/insurance executive

Thx... I need to go back to offer crit on yours. I have read them. They always transport me to another place.

Elph

Post Reply